Surpassing Those Rough Pages

XI

Sabi nila, kapag malapit ka nang mamatay mararamdaman mo iyon.

Akala ko noon hindi ’yon totoo, pero mali pala ako.

Matagal pa, pero ramdam kong ano mang oras ay maaari nang tumigil sa pagtibok ang puso ko.

Ramdam ko ang pagtindi nang pagsikip ng dibdib ko at nahihirapan na ako sa paghinga. Sa bawat oras na lumilipas ay ramdam ko ang dahan-dahang pagbagal ng pagtibok ng puso ko kesa sa normal na ritmo nito. Pero ayoko pang matapos ang kasiyahang ito. Gusto kong maging normal muna sa ngayon. Gusto ko pang makinig sa mga paborito kong kanta na tinutugtog ng banda nila Sean.

Gusto ko pang mabuhay.

Pero ito na lang ang natitirang pagkakataon ko, kaya susulitin ko na.

Ngumiti ako kay Sean na parang ayos lang ang lahat. Na para bang magigising pa ako bukas.

Pasimple akong nagpunas ng luha habang pinapakinggan ang pagkanta ni Sean ng ‘Yellow’ by Coldplay sa entablado.

Sean was the main vocalist and guitarist, Roe was their bassist, Derick was their drummer, Gerome was their pianist, and Sherold was their lead guitarist and who also do second voice. They were a band since grade 9. Pero hanggang ngayon wala pa rin silang matinong pangalan para sa kanilang banda. But tonight the emcee called them as Voltes Five. Mga kalokohan talaga ng limang ‘to ‘pag magkakasama.

Sa harapan ako naka-upo katabi sila Mama at Papa, maging ang mga nurses at si Dr. Cruz, at nasa kabila namin ang pamilya ni Sean. Nag-usap at nagkamustahan kami kanina bago opisyal na nagsimula ang concert. Gaya pa rin ng dati si Tito Fred, palabiro pa rin. Si Tita Glenda naman ay maalaga pa rin. Si Shane, malambing pa rin. Si Sheela, natututo nang magsalita. I’ve missed them and I’m happy and grateful that I’ve got the chance to meet and laugh with them again, even for a short period of time.

“Napaka-gifted talaga ng batang ito, ano? Nakaka-proud panoorin. Hindi lang magaling sa academics pati na rin sa larangan ng musika,” namamahang komento ni Mama habang pinapanood si Sean.

“Magaling siya sa lahat, Ma,” I said. Totoo iyon. Magaling siya sa lahat, kaya sobra niya akong napahanga.

I smiled proudly as I watched Sean, who was singing with all his heart on the stage. He was wearing a navy blue long-sleeve polo. The first three buttons were opened, exposing a bit of his chiseled chest, and the sleeves were folded until his elbow revealed the veins of his arms while he played the guitar or when he held the mic while he sang. It was tucked in his black maong pants, and to finish his attire, his outfit was paired with navy blue sneakers.

They were playing non-stop for about an hour and a half. I could see that he’s sweating badly because his brushed-up hair from awhile ago is now slowly falling toward his thick eyebrows. I gulped at the sight; he was more handsome than before.

“Your Skin. . . Oh yeah, your skin and bones. . .”

As our gaze locked, I could not help but smile as I looked at him.

“I love you,” I mouthed.

He held the microphone closer and stopped strumming his guitar. He gave me a smile and then shut his eyes. Still grinning. A smile also lit up his eyes, sending the crowd into a frenzy. Their collective scream made me chuckle. Then they started singing along with him again while they simultaneously swayed the glow sticks they were holding. A while back, they also performed the wave act.

The place looks surreal.

If this is the last scene that I’ll saw before I die, I would be happy in the afterlife.