Surpassing Those Rough Pages

XII

“Cords!”

I immediately turned around to face her.

“Yeah?” I asked with a smile plastered on my face while looking at her. She was smiling from ear to ear. She looks so happy and healthy.

“Author na ako!” she exclaimed happily.

My eyes widened. I instantly closed the distance between us and hugged her tightly. She also hugged me and then we jumped in triumph.

“I am so proud of you, cords!”

“Thank you! Thank you! I love you!”

“I love you, too!”

Ten years had passed, but it still feels like yesterday.

I squatted in front of the tombstone and removed the grass and dirt from it. I lit the candle using my lighter and gently placed the sunflowers beside it.

I looked at the gravestone, sighing.

“Kumusta ka na?” I asked, softly.

Tuluyan na akong umupo sa Bermuda grass at tumingala sa kalangitan. It was afternoon and the sun will set soon. Kulay asul ang kalangitan, walang ulap na makikita. Napakapayapa.

Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko at dinama ang preskong hangin na sumasalubong sa mukha ko.

“Sorry kung ngayon lang ulit ako nakadalaw.” Minulat ko ang mga mata ko at tiningnan siyang muli.

“Mukhang alam mo na ang ibabalita ko pero mas gusto mo atang ako pa mismo ang magsabi kaya mo ako dinalaw sa panaginip ko kagabi.” Nakangiting sabi ko.

I caressed the stone like how I caressed her hair and face before.

“Attorney na ako!”

Napapikit ako nang lumakas bahagya ang hangin. Tila niyayakap ako nito. I chuckled.

“I know you’d be proud of me.”

I sighed again.

“May isa pa akong good news, cords.” Kinuha ko mula sa backpack ang makapal na libro. “Author ka na!” I showed her the book she’s written with all her heart and soul and then gently placed it beside her.“I finished your book according to your outline. Sorry kung nakialam ako. Gusto ko kasing tuparin ang pangarap mo,” masaya ngunit may halong lungkot ang boses ko.

“Mas masaya sana kung nandito ka ngayon. Oh, how I’d love to see how happy you are while signing your book and knowing that your book is the best selling book here in the Philippines. They also wanted it to be translated in English, dahil malaki raw ang chance na sisikat pa iyon. I was still thinking about it, though.”

I went silent when I remember how she talks about her book. How she loves writing. How her eyes shines everytime she look at me while talking about her ideas.

I gulped and then sighed again.

“But maybe I’ll give it a try. The world deserves to read your words. The world deserves to have a light like you,” I muttered.

I unconsciously traced her name that was carved on the stone.

Alexandrine Joy V. Lucenzo

My hands tremble, and my breathing is ragged. “I missed you. . .” I whispered as my tears flowed uncontrollably.

Ten years had passed, but the pain of losing her was still the same.

When she died on my arms. . . I also died that day.

Akala ko hindi na ako makakaahon pa. Sa mga sumunod na buwan na wala na siya, gusto ko na lang na sumunod sa kan’ya. Hindi ko kaya. I was so devastated and miserable that I’ve forgotten how to live. I also became an alcoholic. Sa mga panahong iyon, hindi ko na rin kilala ang sarili ko. I dropped out of school. I gave all my responsibilities to my family while I stayed in bed with liquor in my hand for months. My parents tried to talk to me and Shane, but I refused to talk. I remained silent, and in the evening, when everyone was asleep, I mourned.

Until Tita Feliz gave me Drine’s laptop. Because I missed her so much, day by day I read all of her works, where she included small details about herself and even her inner thoughts. Her poems and novels made me feel like she was still alive and still sitting beside me.

But I never expected that reading her works, because I only miss her, would give me hope and courage to continue living. Her words became my comfort. Her words help me bigtime to strive for the better. Each day, I collected the pieces of my shattered self. Slowly but surely, I tried to stand on my feet again.

Even though she’s gone, but through her words she helped me surpassed those rough pages.

I wiped my cheeks. “Thank you, cords. . . Thank you.”

I stared to her tombstone where the light of the sun rested. When I remembered something, I smiled. I turned to look at the pink and purple sky and the setting sun.

“You’ve remained like sunshine up until this time.”

I caressed her tombstone again.

“I promise that I will continue on choosing tomorrow until we meet again.”

I sighed for the last time. “May family gathering ngayon sa bahay. Celebration ng pagkapasa ko sa board. Pupunta rin doon sila Tito Redgie at Tita Feliz. I’ll give them a hug for you. We missed you, cords.”

“And I love you so much. . . Always,” I muttered before getting up.

I let the wind embrace me as I gazed up at the sky. I closed my eyes, picturing Alexandrine’s happy smile. I also smiled.

She is still the best and will always be the best blessing God has ever given to me.

The End.

-Vidacarryon-