I Choose You

Adam

It's too cold upon my skin, which only means that It's a long journey, one that I won't even take. I sit with my stomach full of pizza and soda, I feel like I'm about to vomit. We're all sitting in Stefan's basement. I can't believe we're only two weeks from finishing school and never seeing each other again, until after the expedition. It feels like only yesterday when Becca and I were excited about the gift and spending all our lives together. I remember the day I broke it off, one week after my mother's death. I wasn't returning her calls, or anyone else's in that matter, and she decided to come over and be there for me. But I didn't want her to, right that moment I believed that she's not for me. It felt like jumping in a heated pool on a cold day, you're so sure that the water is going to be warm, but when you finally jump and it's more cold than warm, that's when you're so sure that nothing would ever feel worse than that. The surprise of knowing rather than the feeling of the water. It hit me like a loaded truck. The knowledge and the feeling that I don't want her was so strong I couldn't deny it. I wasn't planning on leaving her, I just wanted some space, but when I saw her, it just felt off. It broke me the way I broke her, but it was too late for me to care. I lost that emotion on the day my mother passed away.
"ADAM! Wake up dude." It was, unmistakably, Daniel's voice.
"I'm not asleep." I cover my face with a pillow from the couch.
"Yeah, well you're not with us as well."
"What's wrong?" Stefan looked concerned.
The five of us; Stefan, Daniel, Omar, Ian, and Will, are pretty close. But we all know that the strongest bond is mine and Stefan's.
"Nothing, really." I pause and then decide to tell them. "My necklace worked today. She's out there now."
"Wow, that's amazing, man." Ian shoots his hand in the air like he won a prize.
"Yeah, that's awesome. That means we'll all travel together then." Omar smiles on the thought of the journey.
"Why am I sensing that you're not that excited?" Stefan frowns.
"Because I'm not." I roll my eyes. "I'm not going anywhere. Besides, I spent all of my expedition money on the car."
"What the hell man, you have to go." Daniel looked worried and annoyed. He, of all people, didn't want me to stay the way I am because of my mom, he lost his dad two years ago and he wants me to move on already.
"I don't know, I think I'm gonna pass the first year and start the second year."
"But they're only two years, you'll have to travel two states, that means your destination is Orange to San Diego." Daniel says as he finishes his cigarette.
"All of us, in fact." Omar nods.
"I don't know, I'll think about it." I say as I stand up. "I'm going to meet up with Maya now." I walk upstairs as they all mumble "Later."
My mind is settled, I know I've told them that I may start by the second year, but I'm not going to. I won't, even if it means the death of me. I don't know how I ever got to this point in my life, but I'm meeting up with Maya now, and that's enough for me to get my mind off the subject. Nothing's better than seeing my crazy best friend.