I Choose You

Adam

"You know you don't get to choose who you fall in love with?"
"I know, but I want to."
"Who would you choose if you knew it'd be that person forever?"
"I'd choose you." She smiles at my answer and looks to the sky.
"But you already know it's me."
"Even if I didn't, I'd still choose you."

I wake up and still feel the sun on my face as if that dream was not just a dream. This girl looked familiar although I don't think I know her. I don't even remember what she looked like, only that she felt like home.

After my encounter with Casandra two days ago, I couldn't help but notice how I haven't been this reckless since my mom passed away. I still didn't call her, although I thought about nothing else. In a world where you know there is only one person who is meant for you, it still doesn't stop you from developing feelings for someone else.

I sometimes saw this as an unfair solution, and although I know it was meant to make people hurt less and find their person sooner, it still didn't stop the heartbreak; it just shortened the period it takes to heal, because after all, you knew all along.

I go to school and attend half of the classes before I decide to leave with Sam and Daniel to grab a quick bite before we start our hike. I casually mention Casandra while eating with the guys, and they both seem less interested than the waiter who has been serving us for years now. Sometimes I wish Maya was around more so I could talk to her about things other than football and quick hook-ups with hot girls. I've always wished I could talk about more meaningful stuff and not be seen as lame or emotional. Maya gets me in a way where I'm not judged when I'm being vulnerable.

We first started hiking when we were 12, and it's still a tradition to climb all the way up to our so-called Hollywood sign on the last week of school. I can't believe this is the last year where the three of us will be here together. I think next year it will just be me, being the only one not going on the expedition.

I can't help but think how I want to bring Casandra here. She's still 17, which means she has a whole year before she starts her expedition. I also feel she's the kind of girl that would go jumping off the roof if she knew there was a safe landing, just for the fun of it. I hate how easy it is for me to imagine a whole year with a girl I know is not meant for me. How cruel and sad this whole thing is. You build your whole life on hopes and wishes you know won't come true. But you can't help but hope.