𝐀𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝

Chapter 4 - Closer

"Live! Live the wonderful life that is in you! Let nothing be lost upon you. Be always searching for new sensations. Be afraid of nothing."

― Oscar Wilde, The Portrait of Dorian Gray

Alice

I didn't go to class at all that day. I wanted to, I really did, but after what happened with Dylan, I was too embarrassed to step into the building again. So I went home.

I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. Usually, I would've jumped into the arms of the first guy coming my way and would've gladly undressed, done whatever needed to be done to satisfy myself. So why did I react that way ? Why did it feel wrong ? This was not usual at all for me, especially stopping someone during sex. But this time, I couldn't keep going, I was uncomfortable even though he wasn't doing anything wrong. But I knew deep down, I was hiding the truth from myself ; Mask had fucked me up.

So, that was it now ? I'd always been careful to only see guys once, to make sure I didn't catch any feelings. I tried to not keep in touch with them, and meet new people all the time... And in one night, Mask had turned my world upside down while doing so with my body. On the one hand, I was mad at him for getting me out of this comfortable routine, but on the other hand... I missed him. And I really, really wanted to see him again.

He offered me something I had never experienced before. And I knew seeing him again was a bad thought, but I couldn't stop myself. Even though what I was about to do was a terrible idea, it couldn't be all bad, if it brought me pleasure, right ? I could force myself to move on, or I could, for once, listen to myself, to what I truly desire.

Screw it. It wasn't some kind of desire now, but it had turned into a need. I needed him again, at least once, even for just one night, and then it would be a definitive goodbye.

Alice, now.

"When you said next time, what did you have in mind, exactly ?"

    A few minutes pass by where I don't get any notifications. I ride the bus, listen to music, get home, but still no notifications. It is only once I've taken my shower and failed to watch some porn that I see my phone light up, just like my face does when I read his name.

Mask, 6 minutes ago.

"As soon as you can, princess. I'm available right now if you need me."

    He doesn't know how much his words hit home, because I do need him, more than anything. But for once, I don't want to leave my bed, I don't want to have sex. This whole situation with Dylan really disturbed me, because I would've never said that in any other context, but I feel so bad and embarrassed I want to bury myself six feet underground. What if he tells everyone ? What if someone saw us ? Worse... Recorded us ?

    So much stuff that I usually wouldn't mind, but this was beginning to feel wrong. It was as if finally touching heaven made me realize how terrible my life was. How much I tolerate disrespect. Because what Mask has done, it was nothing but worship me, praise me, make me cry of pleasure.

    Wanting him was like trying to hold onto a shooting star - captivating, mesmerizing, and filled with an irresistible allure. His presence illuminated my world, casting a warm, golden glow on everything he touched. Yet, no matter how desperately I reached out, he remained just beyond my grasp, a distant beacon of light in the vast night sky, forever out of reach. I couldn't have him ; I didn't even know what he looked like.

Alice, now.

"What about tomorrow ? I've got like a huge party and I could definitely see you there. Perhaps we could find some time for ourselves..."