𝐀𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝

Chapter 6 - You're No Good

"Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul."
― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Alice

Nothing. I cannot recall anything from last night, except for some quick flashes. It's like I spent the whole night, my whole birthday night, in a sort of a blur of my senses. Like as if it never happened at all and everything I can remember is some kind of dream, or a fantasy I made up myself.

I turn around in my bed, push the covers aside, and check the date on my phone. October 3rd. No, yesterday really did happen. And I have some weird feeling that, amongst everything I remember, something is missing. Something I forgot on purpose. To shake the feeling away, I try to recall everything I did last night ;

I arrived at the club and drank my mind away. I talked with my brother and his friends while drinking, again and again and again. What is it that they say, again ? "An addiction to alcohol and sex addiction are very commonly present alongside one another", right. So, so far, nothing strange. Nothing outstanding. Then someone asked me to dance - a friend of Stella, I believe. I went to the dancefloor, danced with... someone.. and then something happened.

Mask's arrival. No, before that. There was something before that, something important, but I cannot seem to remember it. I just know it disturbed me, and this is where my memory becomes of no use. And then... then Mask took me to the back of the nightclub, we kissed, we had sex. That, I can remember, and trust me, my body has not forgotten, given how weak my legs are right now. By the way, how did I even end up in this bed ? Perhaps Stella brought me back, I have no idea. I would surely ask her today at class.

But the absence of memory is frustrating me. What if this is important ? It has to be. Otherwise, this wouldn't be so hard to get over. The worst thing is that I can't even do anything about it ; I just have to live my life and wait for the information to come back. And given how drunk I was yesterday, I strongly doubt this day will ever come.

There is only one thing I can do to get this frustration off my back, because apparently, yesterday wasn't enough. And somehow, I feel like I will never get enough of Mask. It's like, everytime I get another taste of him, I crave him even more. He is some kind of addiction I can only get deeper in ; the fact is, I often find myself comparing our situation to a drug, something I can't seem to quit despite knowing it's not right. He's not my boyfriend, just a sex friend. Yet, being with him feels like a powerful addiction, a rush that momentarily takes away the pain of reality. His touch is my temporary escape, a potent elixir that blurs the lines between desire and sanity. Each stolen moment is a high, leaving me craving for more, yet knowing deep down that this thrill is only temporary. And even though I thought I would get him out of my system after having him once again, it obviously isn't what happened.

And now I feel desperate, longing for him once again. When will this ever stop ? Will it even stop one day ? Or will I keep on coming back for more, never satisfied ? Because I cannot help but think about the sweet caress of his touch, the blissful feeling I'm in when we kiss, the butterflies in my stomach when he finally brings me relief.

Fuck, I can't be thinking about this right now. I have class in two hours, I need to get ready. On the one hand, I don't want to be late or, in the worst situation, skip class again. But on the other hand... It cannot do any actual damage to just text him ? I can still go to class. And I've got time before I have to get ready for my first course, so perhaps I should just take some time for myself.

So that's what I choose to do. I grab my toys under my bed, take my laptop to launch a good movie, and I undress slowly, wishing he was here with me.