𝐀𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝

Chapter 23 - Dark Endings

"What are men to rocks and mountains?"
― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Orion

    I quickly decided that rotting in my room after deciding to let go of what could've just been my first real love wasn't the greatest choice to make. Sad birds still sing, right ?

    So before I can keep on mourning my fate, I decide to go for a walk. The evening is calm, and quiet, just as I like it. Maybe fresh air will do me some good, because God knows I need to freshen up my thoughts.

    I miss the guy I was only a few weeks ago. Not worried about anything. The guy who could have the girl, only not forever, and nobody cared because, for once, it wasn't me. Nobody wanted to ruin it, keep us away from each other. But the moment I took the mask off.

    No, not this again. I need to think about something else. I stand up from my window, no longer flirting with danger, and decide to pick up my coat instead. I remember the last time I've worn it. It was to go meet Alice. Somehow, her perfume is on it. Or maybe it's just the memory of her. Either way, I sigh in sorrow and decide to pick up another one. Forget about my favorite jacket, I choose a random piece of clothing with no meaning to me, just so I can move on and create some new memories with it.

    As the weather is always so random in November, I don't pick up an umbrella or anything, and just pray for the best. Who cares if it rains anyways ? The teardrops could hide the real tears on my face. Now that's some poetic thought.

    I take great care of closing the door of my apartment, as I always do, and head downstairs. The city is asleep. I don't see anyone in the corridors of my building nor in the escalator, it's just me and the night, all for myself.

    I don't even feel as if any of what I'm doing is real. It's as if I am dreaming ; everything is a blur, I just know my feet move by themselves, without guidance, to wherever they please. I walk down the hall, then onto the street, and then, I simply wander around in the empty streets of my dear old city.

    Sometimes, I see some people, but I mostly don't. When you think about it, it's weird, because no matter what time you go out, you will never be alone outside here. It's as if the scene was perfectly orchestrated for me, just like a melancholic actor in a sad old movie, mourning the loss of his great love.

    As I said, I'm feeling poetic tonight.

    The longer I walk, the more I get tired of the same sights I've been seeing my entire life. I know the streets I walk in, the shops and the malls and the cinemas, I know everything as I grew up here. I want to see much more.

    I know there are some parts of the city I've never explored, and for many obvious reasons. Fear. Anxiety. Trauma. However, tonight, one of my feelings is taking over, and that is curiosity. Perhaps despair as well. I'm sad, I don't want to be careful about anything even though I should be. And isn't that a normal reaction ? After all, I've lost her. There aren't enough words to describe my pain.

    Perhaps I'm overreacting. Perhaps we weren't even that close and she might just not care at all. I wouldn't know. I've been avoiding my phone since... Alexander. And it might just be great that I'm outside instead of her right now. In some ways, I'm a hero, sacrificing myself for her if anything happens to me tonight. I would take anything for her.

    But I don't feel tonight is my night. I think that somehow, they're not watching me anymore. It's been quiet. Unusually quiet but in a good way. I appreciate it. I want my life to stay this quiet.

    Which is why I'm not scared to explore some new parts of the city. Everything is great as of right now, and I think I've managed to end my relationship with Alice early enough so that she will be safe. I think they've given up on me.