A Tale Of Shadows (Wattys 2023) - REPLACED BY DIVINE ASCENSION

Chapter 10 - Gossip

Griselda thought her mother could do no wrong for a long time. However, despite her mother's constant explanations and reassurances regarding suspicious matters, she could not help but feel like things were not the way they were supposed to be. Susanne, whom she rightfully described as an obsessive and jealous woman, along with Sofia, who acted nice to her mother but secretly judged her behind her back, did not hesitate at the opportunity to inform the other aristocrats about every single deed she did that could be frowned upon, from her affairs with Malcolm and potentially Robert to her ruination of the empire's economy. There were many others like them, which was to be expected when faced with such a paragon.

The young princess was ashamed to know that as well as she did. In the early mornings, while her mother was lying in bed and reading a book or doing something of a similar nature, she liked to visit the ballroom and subconsciously revise the waltzes she had been taught, to half-close her eyes and sigh dreamily as she saw Anthony dancing before her, holding her in his warm and gentle arms. She tried not to think about how much of a coward she was for not confessing her love already after so many years, even at the age of sixteen, and imagine a future where they would end up together, and nothing would be an issue.

Unfortunately for her, the ballroom was a popular room, which meant that the lady had become quite used to loud steps and voices rudely waking her up from her thoughts without intending to. Noblewomen and noblemen alike would gather to spew both true and untrue things, wrathful at the existence of a peer whose presumed perfection bent logic and could not possibly exist ever because, if it could exist, it would make them feel utterly worthless, which they, rather surprisingly, could not afford. And it was not only that but also the fact that truth and fallacy had started to blur in Griselda's mind, which often prompted her to run out of the room with hands over her ears. She was well aware that this inappropriate behaviour was always commented on behind her back, but for some reason, she could not get rid of that habit.

On one day like that, the gossipers did not manage to stay hidden from the gazes of Melinda and her supporters, even though they had heard their footsteps a while before they came in there. Some of them succeeded, but most of them were too high up the stairs that led to the ballroom to run to the royal court, where everyone else was heading, on time and thus froze in their positions when they realised they had been caught. Griselda could not recognise pretty much anyone by her mother's side, but she noticed that her confidante, Jane, was there and that the two of them were glaring at the gossipers with all the others. This motivated another of the scarce amount of nobles that Griselda knew, Theresa, to walk towards them with a blank facial expression.

Melinda marched over to her and stared her down. "What folly is happening here, in my palace, Lady Ratchet? Please do explain this occurrence, if you are capable of doing so, of course."

Theresa scowled. "The fault does not lie with me. I would never be so unobservant as to start something of this calibre. I was merely listening to their conversation, which consisted of a lot of talking points that were untruthful, yet I could still confirm an uncomfortable number of them. Also, Lady Grant, why did you choose me over her? I will never forget this betrayal."

Jane pouted. "I just wish you would admit that Melinda is truly a kind and benevolent woman and stop trying to ruin her reputation. I am the sole person in the world besides her who understands what goes on in her head. She encountered a lot of injustice in her life recently, which, sure, can make her look a bit unwelcoming sometimes, but that does not mean that she does not have the best of intentions at heart. Too many people are focused on taking her down nowadays because they cannot handle how perfect she is and thus point out every wrongdoing of hers, hoping that someday, it will be enough to crumble the mighty foundation she has built, which will not happen, or at least not anytime soon."

"I was not aware that perfection involved oppression and slavery of the poor."

Jane shrugged. "I think it only enhances her perfection, but I am not going to judge you for your opinion. After all, it takes quite the kindness to be tolerant towards the vermins of society, which I have known you for for years."

Theresa let out a deep sigh. "I am unwilling to debate our economic crisis or anything related to it at this moment, which is why I will cut this short. I am sorry, but I do not have to pretend to believe that Mrs Bellerose is a good person because she already knows how I feel about her and has not punished me for it. Please do not punish me now, Empress, for I have no clue as to how I could do anything to You."

Melinda raised an eyebrow. "I am not as eager to punish others as you might think, Theresa. I mean, I punish only those who have done significant harm to me, which you are incapable of. You are unworthy of my punishment, but that is a compliment. You earned your freedom, so congratulations. May you have a nice time in all your freedom."

Before Theresa could respond, the half of the royal court that supported Melinda went away, and the woman herself walked over to Griselda. In no time, the mother and daughter were alone in the ballroom, sitting on the stairs in utter silence for a while. The daughter tried to turn away from the mother, which did not work for long, as she grabbed her neck tight, making it impossible for her to tilt it. Her eyes were filled with sorrow as she stared at Griselda, who she noticed was a bit pale, so she tried to smooth it out by conversing casually.

"Surely you must be aware that these people are no good, right?" she said before Griselda could utter anything. "You know that they are merely trying to turn you against me, right?"

Griselda nodded, smiling meekly. "That fact is for certain, mother. Nothing could dispute it."

A gleam appeared in Melinda's eyes as they went up the stairs and toward the study. "That is marvellous, my dear. At least someone in the palace has the grace to remain sane."

Griselda bent her head towards the floor. "Mother, I can safely inform you that none of us is sane. I can confirm it due to the horrors I see in my head every day. It may seem as though I am nothing more than a regular princess, but I think that something is wrong with me, the same way something is wrong with you. Of course, I do not mean to suggest that I have experienced pain as you have, but in an environment such as this one, illnesses of the mind are easy to contract. What can I do about that?"

Melinda shook her head. "To think that the misery of the universe can ever be overcome is your greatest mistake. There is happiness from time to time, I cannot deny that, but perhaps it would be better if there were none at all. Although I may sound unreasonable, allow me to explain. 

No amount of luxury can hide the dread that is awake in every living heart, reeling from the memories that can never be unveiled in front of anyone, terrible secrets that pierce chests like the best daggers a person could possibly imagine to forge, waiting for the next wave of misery to come, and the next and the next and so on until the individual drowns themselves in misery, an empty husk of who they once were, or, at worst, a corpse, cold and lonely, cursed to forever stare at the unknown terrors of the afterlife as punishment for being born in this dimension. 

No one knows any other person, no one can truly help any other person, the person you love the most might just stab you in the back, the ideals you believed in might mean nothing, everything you love comes at a terrible cost, and every breath causes pain and nothing you do matters. At least I attempt to show kindness and raise you to be strong. And remember, do not tell this to another soul, or they will hate you for it."

Griselda snorted. "Of course they would hate me! This worldview has no logic to it. I have seen for myself exactly how horrifying this world can be, but I would never go that far when it comes to insulting it."

Melinda let out a heavy sigh. "It is because you have not yet seen everything it has to offer."

Nodding, Griselda went upstairs, and her mother watched solemnly as she did so, not knowing for how long she could keep carrying her burdens.