A Tale Of Shadows (Wattys 2023) - REPLACED BY DIVINE ASCENSION

Chapter 20 - The Funeral

Jeffrey's funeral was held a mere day after. In all this chaos, there was no more time for preparing. In between the death and the funeral, Melinda locked herself in her house and cried all day, accepting no visitors. The pain of living had become too much to endure. There was only room in her heart to feel dismal, given that the world was so abysmal without a pillar of comfort and security. Death had consumed her thoughts and lungs, engulfing her soul entirely, wrapping her mind in black. Everything was black, especially as she searched for proper funeral attire for the following day, lucky to have had it already.

With a lace veil covering her face, a long and heavy dress that dragged along the ground, gloves that neatly covered her tall and slender fingers, and a single red rose in hand, she went to the local graveyard on foot at five in the morning because the funeral was to be held at six and the place was located quite far from her house. She came across Douglas at one point because he was also attending the funeral, which she could tell from his suit but not from the smile on his face. She wondered why it might've been there, a slight break from all her melancholy.

They walked in silence until they'd reached the graveyard, parting ways. She soon got lost in the overwhelming crowd of people with black clothes and brooding stares, turning around to observe the environment from time to time, which was cold and bleak and cloudy and full of withered grass and trees like her life was some sort of Gothic novel, which she hoped wouldn't turn into a trend just because it was September. The clouds were heavy and looming, filled with rain that they couldn't release, much like her eyes were filled with uncried tears. Her heart understood the clouds more than it understood the people, and she felt that their souls understood her as well, ridiculous as it may've been. Nature had always been her closest companion.

"Greetings, fellow friends," the officiator spoke at once in a voice most people would think of as dull, but which she knew was merely great at hiding his true sorrowful feelings because she'd known him for a while, seeing the hidden sorrow in his eyes even then. "We have come here today to mourn the loss of Jeffrey Bush, the boyfriend of Melinda Grey and a friend of all. His life, although mundane, will be remembered for years to come. It's not as if other victims of the fire don't deserve the same courtesy, but not everyone can be remembered the same way he will be. Even on his own, he'd left a mark on the world with his bright and shining presence, which is an essential quality to be had in this world. May he rest in peace."

For some reason, much was said after this, and Melinda found it unbelievably tedious, which wasn't a very wanted solace to her grief. She lost herself in her thoughts until they started burying him, which in itself was a process that seemed eternal, but this eternity wasn't anywhere near as tedious as it was painful to watch, knowing that the scarred body of the love of her life would be relegated to nothing but neverending time in the cold, uncaring ground. If there was an afterlife, she hoped that it would reward him well for this cruel, callous punishment of the universe. As the process was ending, she cried and screamed the name of her lover several times in much pain, and although people stared at her, they knew well that they couldn't judge her. She seemed mindless, but they could never know her perspective. 

It was over soon, which shocked her. Everyone rushed to leave, everyone except for her and Douglas, who was once again approaching her with a smile on his face. Before she could ask him anything, he started explaining it himself, and she hung onto his every word:

"My dear Melinda, there is something that I ought to tell you. There are many years I have wasted, many chances that I have squandered, but I have gathered the courage to end it now. I love you. I love you more than you could hope for if that is somehow possible. I love you so much that I want to be with you during every waking moment if only to stare at your breathtaking beauty and lovely smile, to share our passions and our bed, to have our hearts and souls conjoined. What do you have to say to that, my muse?"

She looked like she was going to vomit, but after a few seconds, he continued like nothing had happened.

"I want to marry you. It is no shame now that Jeffrey has died and that our country needs repair, which calls for a marriage of convenience. My parents were going to hold a lavish ball in order to find me a wife, but I do not think it is necessary. In the place of the radical and traitorous Maria, you are going to be the heroine this country needs, which is all I ask of you. No one would think that this is a love marriage, not even the simplest of fools. Quite the opposite, actually. I am not forcing you to accept. I merely think that this would be the best option for everyone, for what do you intend for your life to be after all of this? So, what do you say now?"

"I knew that you loved me and that you'd attempt this someday," she said dryly, "but I never could've thought that it would happen this way."

"Leave me to think," she said as she saw that he was going to speak again, raising her hand as yet another sign to tell him to shut up.

She felt just in how tricky a position she was as she stared at the painfully Gothic landscape. Her heart couldn't go against Jeffrey, but her mind couldn't go against sanity. This was a marriage of convenience - her friend would be happy to have her as his wife, her country would be happy to have her as its Queen, and she would be happy to not be alone. Grief and solitude were the worst combination to ever exist. It was only a day, but there was no other choice as far as she saw. The mere image of her lonely grave that her mind had conjured frightened her beyond reason. It was only a day, and she loved Jeffrey very much, but she wanted the pain that came with him to go away. She would do anything to make it go away, especially because it threatened to last forever. She couldn't live with it lasting forever.

"Yes," she said at last, marching to her house before he could say anything to her, leaving the grave in the opposite direction from her with that stupid smile on his face, leaving her alone to burn all the letters and the trinkets Jeffrey had given her, leaving her alone to erase the memory of him from her heart forevermore.