XXI - "The Confused"

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Violet

It was April 19th, I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to see him, I missed his company. We were walking from McDonald's, then we bought some dvd's at the midnight sale.

We walked at the plaza, then we passed the church. The church looked marvelous with its years of history. The moon lit the streets.

I was holding his arm snuggling, inhaling his scent, taking in everything. I love the scent of his perfume. Bvlgari Extreme...

"Tell me why is it that we can't be together?" Sanji asked

"I know that you love me." He continued

I looked away and stared at the empty parking space.

"I can't, I just can't. What if someday all of this would just go away? Perv I can't let you ruin your life. Perv you need to stop doing things because of me. I said

I knew this guy loved me. And yes how I would love to love him back. I knew he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. But I just can't. Drey is waiting for me and he has waited long enough.

"Do you know how much I want you?" He cupped my face with his hands

My heart was already racing mad as hell. Then his eyes glimmered as they stared directly into mine. Black as the night, his jawline fixed. His teeth bit his lower lip.

"Do you really want to know?" He repeated

I nodded and patiently I waited. My cheeks were already warming up I could see myself blushing.

"I want you so bad, that I can't be just your friend. If you just wanted for us to be friends then I want nothing from you." He said

"You are asking a lot from me." I said

He kissed me gently, softly, lightly then he pulled away. My eyes closed wanting more from him. But he was intentionally teasing me.

"So are we just friends?" He smiled

"Fuck off you perv!" I yelled

I hate how my body reacted at his slightest touch. I still remembered that time we were walking at the mall. Everytime our skin touched we get a jolt of electricity. Everytime I lied when he asked about my feelings, my hands are sweating. It didn't take him that long to find this out. He held my hand when he asked earlier. So I told him,

"I love you but not as much as you love me."

His face was already filled with his emotions. His jawline firm.

"I'm sorry if everything went too fast. I'm sorry if I rushed you." "I have to have you. You saved me, from what I was becoming." His voice was starting to break.

I hugged him, I don't want to see him getting hurt. He was my gentle cook. I call him "Perv" because we always connect with our green jokes. We laugh and could talk about anything, anytime and anywhere.

With him, I could share anything. He did not judge me, I love hearing his advices, he is so patient with me. But I just can't have him. Drey was the first guy I brought home, I introduced him to my mom, we were recognised by both of our families.

I love Sanji because he accepted me for who I am. He can read my mind, my body, my soul. Everytime I think of him I let out a deep sigh he is the only thing I wanted that I can't have.

And he has seen that, he cried as he said,

"Alright I am giving you up because you want me to. Not because I wanted to."


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