XXX - "What If"

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Violet

"I cried and knelt to beg him not to leave, I knew I did a lot of mistakes, but he left me, Drey left me. Now our relationship is full of doubt. I feel jealous everytime I see him with another girl. He too is always jealous of Sanji. I can't blame him, and kneeling isn't even enough after all that I did to him.

Drey is insecure he is insecure of Sanji, and he always reminds me of my mistakes, Drey is a good man and I love him, he was my best friend. I have known him for four plus years. I taught him how to kiss, I was his first kiss. He was my former school mate. Our relationship is well accepted and known to our families Drey's and mine. He was the first guy I ever brought home. He can sleep at home at the couch. He waited for me since high school. He knew about my relationships with Louie, Harold and Sanji, I haven't told him about the others though, I don't think he should know about them.

But what about Sanji? I met him 9 months ago, he was my team mate, he taught me everything about selling. He was always there for me, we dance together at work, we drink together at work, we always spend time together at work. He had a rough past, but he loves me for what I am, he ask no questions about my past relationships, I just open up to him. Everytime I ran out of trouble at work I always run to Sanji. Even when I had troubles with my feelings with Harold, Drey and Louie and the rest of the guys I have been with. But he never asks. Because everytime he sees me he knows. He feels it without even asking. He understands me.

"What if I met him first before Drey? Then we could be together, Impossible I could've not met him before Drey"

"What if I was his wife? Then he would always cook for me, God how I missed his cooking."

"What if we were together? Then he will always kiss me before he goes to work, Gawd I miss how he plays with his tongue(smut 2X)"

"What if he is my lover? Ahhhrgh he is my wonderlust... no questions about that please XOXO"

"What if he is my boyfriend? Then I know he would definitely take care of me and make sure that I don't cry, like he always does."

What am I thinking? I should not think about these things. I love Drey, Do I? Yes, I convinced myself.

I hate this feeling, I hate the feeling whenever I am with Drey it felt like I cheated on the cheater, I was cheating, with the man I was cheating on to begin with...

I can see it on Sanji's eyes, I can see how it hurts him to hear every time I talk about Drey. Every time I tell him how I felt for Drey. It is almost one week since I last saw him, I can still remember how his facial expression lightened when he saw me. But now I have to set him free.

I have to let him go, I miss him, I will miss him. My Sanji, my gentle cook, my perv...

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