Flowers and Swords

Dahlia

I was tired. More tired than I should be. And it concerned me alot, and so I called my doctor to ask for her opinion. She called me immediately and here I was sitting in her cabin, with my therapist.

"Are you taking the medicines on time?", She asked me.

I nodded, "Yes. I am."

She noted down her observations and also had a brief conversation with Heath. I was observing them both as they talked. I noticed I was being more emotional, and more moody. It was getting out of hand. I was talking more, joking more, crying more. And the first step in this treatment process is to know yourself, to recognise the changes in ourselves and to report them on time, especially when there's no one else who can do it for us.

I sat quietly unless Heath interrupted my peace, "Aubrey...we scheduled a weekly therapy. But since you are witnessing yourself in a hard phase, we can prescribe for more such interactions. But you need to be comfortable with that."

It was already hard disappearing once a week. I know how much I put at risk while sneaking out like this. Even my own safety. Because even though I've tried to pretend I know self defence and all that crap, but my husband's concern is true when it comes to my safety. Moreover, that imposing excessive worry on the people who care about me, Will, Gabby, Alice...even the bodyguard guys..and..

"Aubrey...like I've mentioned once before, it is not wrong to share with people what we are going through. I am sure you must have some close friends, accomplices or even a spouse? I can see that ring on your finger. Why don't you take help from the people who are close to you? Believe me, it has helped people. And I am telling this from my experience."

When I looked at Heath, he nodded encouragingly, "I agree with Dr. Tsung. I know there are people who do not like to share about this treatment. But know this Aubrey, that having family beside us, makes the process all the more easier."

I gave a light nod contemplating the idea.

When I stood up to leave, engrossed in my thoughts, Heath offered to drop me. His words about patients' safety is his priority.

I agreed and asked him to drop me near the library I often go to. Once there, I called Will to come pick me up. I had no will to walk on my own or take a cab. And I had no intention to take the doctor to my home.

When the familiar black car arrived, i stood up from the bench on the roadside and went towards it.

Will came out to open the door and I sat inside, heaving a long sigh.

Closing my eyes, I leaned my head on the headrest hoping to reach my bed magically.

"What's wrong with you?", The voice just beside me startled me to the core.

But I knew who it was.

I gave him a side glance to confirm my suspicion and then again closed my eyes.

"I am not well.", I replied shortly, not wanting to fight or talk.

"I know you are not. Even a blind man can see that.", Then he spoke to Will, "Will let's go to the hospital."

"Okay sir."

Will was about to take a turn when I announced, "I am coming from the doctor's place only. Take me home Will."

I felt his hand on my forehead moments later, like he was checking my fever.

"You don't have fever...what it is Aubrey?", His question made me open my eyes and look straight into his green ones.

Who can I tell about my illness? Courteney? She is about to have a baby in a few days. Alice? Will? Gaby? I don't know why but I was never able to bare myself completely before them. Moreover, they have been living this pathetic life with me since two years. Consoling me, advising me, wishing me good and what not. I just do not want to burden them. My mother in law? I wouldn't want my depression to become a national news. She's good but she can't keep things to herself even if she's dying..