𝚃𝚘𝚔𝚢𝚘 𝚁𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜

Vent.

If u don't want to hear that's fine I just need to put this out there

Tw: body dismorphia social anxiety  parents

Here's what happened last week

1 all there's kids in my chorus class kept calling me eggplant cus of my purple dreads

2. Social studies we had to do a presentation and literally nobody was listening to me even though my teacher was telling them to be quiet no one listened to me

3 my mom asked me to help her with something in the kitchen I said no and then she started yelling at me for the next hour talking about I never do anything I'm so lazy I use my phone and my iPad has an escapism and then took it away and has been yelling at me this hole weekend cus she woke up mad

So this whole week I've been literally trying not to cry

This week

I've  even feeling drained like I don't feel like doing anything all the things i like to do drawing , world building my story, and writing these hcs feels like I'm putting the most to do basic tasks.

It's gotten to the point for doing things that I love feel like a chore and when I see other people doing stuff that I love, I try to go back and finish it, but it still feels the same.

I JUST WANT TO DRAW BETTER,ANIMTE BETTER, BE BETTER AT WHAT I WANT,BE WHO THEY WANT ME TO BE

Even today waking up took me a long time and with a headache and when I tried to do my activities the bring me joy I felt empty. Ever since last week I felt empty like that was the week that pushed me off the edge and now I feel empty like There is nothing. I feel nothing. I try to do something to feel but I don't.

How I feel

I wish  I could just runway and forget everything but where would I go! My family is too far and even if I did make it they would probably send me back where my mom would yell at me asking where she went wrong then blaming herself then me. She always needs someone to blame. Always. Sometimes I want to disappear and see what ppl will do. 

Not like they would care... on to my next issue 

School/social anxiety in general 

In school I'm being called eggplant for my dreads 

No one listens to me 

Im too loud/too quiet 

During chorus we were lectured the after I asked we could sing this fast song and the entire time I and everyone hated the fact that we were singing. girls were side eyeing me and giving me dirty looks. At that moment I hated myself and everyone hated me too. The fact that I speak. The fact that I'm there at that class. that school. I have good friends I just don't want to burden them

Home 🫠🫤

1 ALWAYS BEING YELLED AT FOR SHIT I DIDNT DO YET MY MOM THINKS IM LYING 😘

2. After having an one sided argument in which my mom call me fat and that I should lose weight then how saying how I'm a size 13 and how I'm supposed to be a size 6 and she's a size 10. then I end up skipping 1-2 meals a day and listening to wl Subliminals  

 2 weeks later saying how I shouldn't t eat 2 slices of pizza even though that our familiy's avg sclices MIND U IVE SKIPPED EATING FOR 2 WEEEKSS 

3. WHILE BEING YELLED AT MY MOM WILL RAT ME OUT TO MY GRANDMA MIND U WE DONT LIKE EACHOTHER THEN THEYLL START YELLING AT ME FOR SHIT I DIDNT DO

4. She'll do this thing where she won't stop annoying me until I yell or cry then she'll laugh at me one time I told her that she's crossing  my boundary and she proc to yell at me saying how i can have a boundary when I pay rent.

 She just walked out casually after trying to touch my leg which had these thigh high sock i said don't touch me but you can touch the other socks and u wanna know what she said "Full blown teenage it's right here Full blown teenage it's right here I can't touch my own child legs even though I birthed them and carried them for 9 months" in a singsongy voice 

I'm crying while writing this 👍

normal convo

Grandma: so rainydaysimp hru 

Me: good

Mom: are u sure

Me: yeah?

Mom: so u didn't use all the honey 

Me: yea but we already fought abt it and moved on 

Grandma: what fight

Mom: tell her Name

Me: *tells her*

Grandma: starts yelling at me 

Me: it doesn't matter mom we got over it yesterday so it's fine

Mom: that's what u always say yesterday yesterday yesterday stop giving excuses for yourself 

Me: *trying not to cry*

Mom: go to bed

Me: fine

Mom and grandma: talk shit abt  me

Me

I hate everything abt me

Hair ,skin ,nails ,teeth body, hair, height, personality, art, interests All.of.it.

I've tried to find happiness in simple things like waking up

People hate me mom dad cousin grandparents everyone hates me.

It's gotten to the point where ppl at school don't want me there. Me being there is a problem. Me existing anywhere is a problem.

I always get made fun of at home and at schools

"Your so fat.🤪" cousin

"Why are u so fucking black we can't even see u.🤪" a group of boys 

"Monkey watermelon muncher🤪 "  classmate 

"Isn't this too much food for u🤪" auntie 

"U look like my mom🤪" cousin. their mother was PREGNANT 🤰 

LIKE WHY CANT THEY ALLL JUST SHUT UP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 

I HAVE WASTED GODS KNOW HOW LONG TRYING TO BE BETTER FOR THEM BUT IT STILL 

Ik what ur asking "wHy canT u TalK to your friends" well I don't want to burden them there so I do it here

If u want to vent im here and I'll listen 

Don't forget to eat sleep and drink 

~RainyDaySimp☆