𝚃𝚘𝚔𝚢𝚘 𝚁𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜

✨incorrect quotes pt.3✨

Mikey: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.
Draken: What if it bites me and it dies!?
Takemichy: Then you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, Draken, learn to listen.
Chifuyu: What if it bites itself and I die?
Baji: That's voodoo.
Y/n: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Draken: That's correlation, not causation.
Chifuyu: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?
Baji: That's kinky.
Mikey: Oh my God.

——————————————————————-

Mikey: Rules are made to be broken.
Draken: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
Takemichy: Uh, piñatas.
Chifuyu: Glow sticks.
Baji: Karate boards.
Y/n: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.
Mikey: Rules. 

*Toman reactions to being told 'I love you'* 

Mikey: Thanks fam!
Draken: oh no
Takemichy: *cries* I love you too
Chifuyu: Sounds fake but okay
Baji: *A flustered mess*
Y/n: can i get a refund

———————————————————-

Mikey: I CAN'T DO IT!
Draken, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!
Mikey: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE
Takemichy: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.
Mikey:
Mikey: I appreciate it,
Mikey: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-
Chifuyu: Mikey-
Mikey: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!
Baji: Mikey we gotta-
Y/n: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.
Mikey: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'
Mikey, motioning to Y/n: NOT FUCKING THIS

——————————————————-

Mikey: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
Draken: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I'd have 15 cents
Mikey: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you
Takemichy: Actually I did the math, Draken would have $225, not $0.15.
Draken: Fam I'm right here....
Chifuyu: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)
Mikey: while you're there could you buy me an apply juice please?
Chifuyu: Sorry I only have a dollar
Mikey: :(
Takemichy: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Draken would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent
Chifuyu: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice
Takemichy: You can buy anything you want with $22,500
Baji: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice
Takemichy: Apply juice to what
Y/n: Directly to the forehead
Draken: Great chat everyone

————————————————

Mikey: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I'm torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
Smiley: Okay, but what is updog?
Angry: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
Chifuyu: Not, that's a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
Baji: No, that's an update. You're thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
Y/n: Surely, that's Uppsala, where's updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
Mikey: That's Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.
Chifuyu: You're thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
Angry: No, that's an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
Smiley: What's a henway??
Mikey: Oh, about five pounds.Mikey: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I'm torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke. 

Mikey: Smiley... How do I begin to explain Smiley?
Angry: Smiley is flawless.
Chifuyu: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000.
Baji: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan.
Y/n: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome.

Mikey: Smiley... How do I begin to explain Smiley?
Angry: Smiley is flawless.
Chifuyu: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000.
Baji: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan.
Y/n: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome.

*Toman standing around the broken coffee maker*
Mikey: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Smiley: ...I did. I broke it.
Mikey: No. No you didn't. Angry?
Angry: Don't look at me. Look at Chifuyu.
Chifuyu: What?! I didn't break it.
Angry: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Chifuyu: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Angry: Suspicious.
Chifuyu: No, it's not!
Baji: If it matters, probably not, but Y/n was the last one to use it.
Y/n: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Baji: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Y/n: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Baji!    

Angry: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Mikey.       

Mikey: No! Who broke it!? 

Everyone:
Baji: Mikey... Angry's been awfully quiet.
Angry: rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Mikey, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Mikey: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Mikey:
Mikey: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Y/n, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Smiley, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you're staying home and having my kids
Angry: what the fuck are you guys doing?
Y/n: playing systemic oppression

Smiley: I wish I had acid. Thank you, Jesus. Amen.

Y/n: WHY. why did you give Angry a KNIFE?!
Smiley: I'm sorry. They said they felt unsafe.
Y/n: Now I feel unsafe!
Smiley: I'm sorry.
Smiley: ... would you like a knife?

Koko: Do you think you'd actually notice if someone didn't cast a shadow? Or if their limbs were just slightly too long? Or if they had just a little too many teeth? like how many times have you passed Something on the street and you just didn't Notice It?
Inui: Stay woke monsterfuckers ur love is out there!!!!!
Koko: Yknow what? Not my point at all in any way whatsoever, but I'm glad I could be an inspiration.

Y/n: Croissants: dropped
Smiley: Road: works ahead
Angry: BBQ sauce: on my titties
Draken: Shavacado: fre
Mikey: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead
Takemitchy:
Takemitchy, grumpy: I didn't understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

*The squad is over at Y/n's house*
Smiley: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?
Y/n: ... N-No...
Y/n, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???
Smiley, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!
Angry: I see a-
Y/n, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.
Smiley: Oh, well I-
Y/n: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*
Y/n, amazed: Its got a bake setting!
Draken: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!
Mikey: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?
Y/n: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!
Y/n: I am someone who owns four ovens...
Y/n, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...
Y/n: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...
Takemitchy, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!
Y/n:
Smiley: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!
Y/n:
Y/n, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS

SLEEP STOP 1am SCROLLING

-RAINYDAYSIMP