HOW TO SUMMON A REVENANT.

ENTRY: 10/23/1987

Neil spends almost all of his free time outside. Will does too, but if I can't find Neil, chances are he's sprawled out on the lawn.

It's not like I follow him, I just happen to pass by... everyday. He doesn't lay on a blanket or sit on a bench, nothing like that. He just sits in the wet grass and sprawls out, eyes closed.

He always looks so glorious. Sometimes, when he catches me staring, he'll wave. Every time I swear my heart stops.

The strangest things have started happening ever since that day in class. Not only does Neil wave, but sometimes he'll even speak to me. He makes a point to say my name every time, I think he's trying to let me know he remembers and God I'm afraid that if he does it one more time, my heart actually will stop.

The other day I was sitting alone in a study room trying to organize my notes (Hannah and her paramour abandon me more and more everyday) and there was a sudden knocking on the door. Imagine my surprise to see Neil sweep into the room in all his gorgeous glory. Apparently, all the other rooms were filled and he desperately needed to occupy one, so we shared.

I thought I would die on the spot! I also think I've discovered the reason behind his rough palms— he writes like a madman! His notebooks were completely filled page-to-page in dense scrawl, practically unreadable. He was quiet, mostly, except for the scritch of his pen against the paper. But he would occasionally ask me a question or inquire about my day. I worked up the courage to reply and eventually (to my great shock) I managed to hold up a decent conversation.

As it turns out, we were going over the same material, so we helped each other. I doubt he actually needed my advice on any of the questions, but it was nice to lean on him, at least for a little while.

Best of all, though, he walked me back to my dorm! Only to the door of the building unfortunately but even that is an unbelievable grace. We stood there talking for a while (I must've been possessed to have gained such courage) about simple things like class and the weather and our families (he and Will are both scholarships students and his parents died tragically when he was younger; it breaks my heart). I've always wondered what it's like to have a sibling, he and Will seem so close.

A part of me feared talking to Neil at such a length would collapse the pedestal I've put him on, humanize an angel in my eyes, but he's only gotten more lovely. He even said that I'm "properly brilliant" and he's sorry for not noticing me all this time. I could've kissed him right then and there, but that's where my bravery ran out.

Positively giddy,

Judith O'Brien