Heart to Heart

Chapter 12

"You're not going to apologize for last night?" Shadowheart asked me as I was in the woods.

I was currently swinging my sword at nothing, but it was helping me get better control as well as not hitting anything. It was an exercise I performed to have better spacial awareness and to not give it my all until it was absolutely necessary. It was a long journey for me to learn how to wield a sword, but it was a journey I wouldn't have changed.

"Why should I?" I asked, not turning to face Shadowheart.

"Maybe because it caused a shit ton of tension between Karlach and Wyll and the others. Your outburst not only affected Karlach, but everyone else, Y/N."

"I know my actions have consequences, but so did Wyll's and so did Karlach's. I'm not the only one who holds tension between everyone there at camp."

"Well, Lae'zel is baring fangs at Karlach and staying by Wyll more than she already does. Astarion is giving her side glares, but who isn't on the receiving end of those. Halsin is trying to remain neutral in this situation. And Gale, well, he's Gale. But you need to release tension between everyone."

"Why must I do that?" I finally turned to face Shadowheart.

"Maybe it was you who started this whole ordeal in the first place. Going after Karlach was uncalled for."

"She is the reason Wyll has horns on his head!"

"That's what he gets for making a deal with a someone from the Nine Hells. He was bound to get horns one way or another if he upset Mizora. Look, from what Wyll told me, you were the one to tell him to back off and spare her. Next thing we know, we find out he made a deal with Mizora, failed to fulfill that deal, and now he has to pay the price. That was the consequence of his actions."

"I should have let him kill her."

"What is wrong with her living? Did you two really have a terrible friendship in Avernus?"

"I didn't know her. I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone other than Zariel and to relay messages to other devils and commanders. The first time we spoke was whenever I was helping in the Blood Wars. I was also there when Zariel placed that engine in her chest and she blames me for not doing a damn thing about it. I had no idea in the Hells what Zariel was doing until it was too late. I couldn't stop her and I still have to deal with her screaming in my head at night. She has suffered a lot and so have I. I don't want to suffer more because of her fleeing Avernus."

"You're not going to send her back, are you?"

"If I do, she'll just come back and kill me for sending her there. I'd much rather keep my head attached to my shoulders."

"Then set aside what happened between the two of you and try to start anew."

"Tell that to the one who shoved me through a portal without telling me what she was doing."

"This again, Y/N?"

"Yes this again," I said. "I am still pissed off that she shoved me through a portal without telling me where I was being sent and who was going to be there on the other side. For all I knew, I could have been killed if I landed on someone and looked at someone the wrong way. Thank Gods I found you first and you were welcoming to teach a scared tiefling the ways around here. If it was Astarion, he probably would have told me to go eat dirt or something."

"Y/N, you need to let that go."

"And do you think she let go of the fact that I stood there and watched what Zariel did to her? Do you think she let go that I did nothing until it was too late? That I didn't try to help her get out of that situation and go against Zariel? I fucked up that day and I still haven't let go of it. I could have saved her, but what did I do? I stood there like a fucking statue and helped Zariel put an infernal engine in her chest where her heart should be. I can't forgive myself for that and I know damn well she is not going to forgive me."

"Maybe you both need each other to forgive not each other, but yourself. I think she holds regret and guilt for doing what she did, but she had to in order to preserve your life. You would have died if you stayed to fight in the Blood Wars."

I let out a sigh and sheathed my sword, "At least I'd be with my parents."

"Do you think they'd want to see you as young as you are?"

"Sure they'd be upset that I went too young, but at least I wouldn't be suffering with the pain of the past. And the uncertainty of the future," I said.

"Uncertainty?"

"Mizora knows I am alive and she knows I am with Karlach. Zariel has held a tight leash on the both of us and she isn't going to let it slip through her grasp if she comes and gets us. I am sure Zariel already figured out I survived since she always gets information out of those she needs to. And Karlach fled, so Zariel is probably beyond pissed that we're gone. She's bound to come after us and bring us back to Avernus."

"What if she doesn't come for you?"

"What do you mean?"

"She might know that Karlach's time is limited with her engine being outside of the Hells, where it was made."

"So what you're telling me is that Zariel is banking on the idea of Karlach returning to Avernus because of her engine and that she'll bring me, too?"

"Yes. So that she can kill two birds with one stone."

I let out a laugh, "Karlach would never return to Avernus. And if she did, I would never go back. Especially with her. You'd have to put an infernal engine in my chest to make me go back to Avernus willingly."

"You never know, Y/N. You two could become friends, Hells, maybe something more."

"Don't joke about that, Shadowheart," I said. "I could never love a barbarian like her."

Shadowheart shook her head, "In time, you might come to like that idea."

"What idea? That I could like her enough to be friends?"

"Yes."

"If I ever do come to like that idea, I'll be eating my own boots."

"I'll hold you to that."