Starting Over

The Source of Heartbreak

"Al?  AL?  Open up.  C'mon.  You have me worried,"  Kelly stated while knocking on Alison's door.  The only reason Alison opened the door was because she got tired of hearing the knocking.  And her elderly neighbor across the hall had a tendency to get up in arms over too much noise.  Not that Alison cared right now, but the old lady was usually nice to her about it, if Alison had good reason.  But most of the time, she was like the female version of Mr. Heckles on "Friends."

"What do you want?" she asked Kelly in a bothered manner as Alison turned her back from the door and she threw herself back on the couch.

"Al, what is going on with you?  No one has seen or heard from you since Friday.  You haven't shown up for work for the last three days.  And now I come over here and find you a mess.  What is going on?"

Kelly had due reason to be concerned.  When Alison opened the door, she was a horrible sight.  Stating she was a mess, was being polite.  Her hair was a travesty.  She hadn't showered since getting home from work on Friday - it was now Wednesday.  No make up.  And the bags and circles under her eyes.  Oh Lord, the bags.  It was evident from those two attributes, and the redness that surrounded the brown, that she had been on an uncontrollable crying adventure.  Kelly looked into Alison's kitchen.  Sink full.  Trash can over flowing.  Take out containers everywhere.  The only thing Alison had done was take Jack out.  "Al, this is not you.  Look at this place.  It's. . ."

"It's what?" she hollered at her friend.

"Al."

"Know what it is?  Not your business.  I don't even know why you're here."

"Okay.  Fine.  You want to be like that fine.  I'm done.  I can't keep doing this shit with you.  You have got to snap out of whatever this is.  I watched you go through this shit with Jimmy."  That was when it hit Kelly.  "Oh my God.  What happened?  What happened with Adam?"

"Nothing."

"I call bullshit.  What did you do?"

Alison was pissed.  "What did I do?  What did I do?  How about you ask yourself that question huh?  You're the reason Jimmy left and you know it!  I don't even know why I still deal with you.  You knew how I felt about him.  And you just had to ruin it."

"Now look Alison.  How many times are you going to throw that in my face?  I have apologized end over end for years about that.  It was not my intention to get in between you two.  I was trying to help you.  You two were fighting all the time.  All I did was. . ."

"Was run him off!  Have I been happy since?  You knew I loved him.  You just couldn't stand it when you weren't the center of everyone's universe."

While the past was not the real issue at hand at the moment, Alison was making it so.  She could move on from Jimmy leaving.  She just chose not to.  And while maybe Kelly did put the idea in his head, she didn't mean to.  When she suggested he and Alison put some space between them, she didn't think he'd take off halfway across the country and shack up with the first bimbo he met.  Kelly never really forgave herself for helping cause Alison's broken heart.  Which was why she did try so hard to get her out of her shell.  Yes, she also got in between Alison and few others, but regardless of Alison thought, she really was protecting her.  The love 'em and leave 'em type were never Alison's cup of tea.  For the last ten years, she's watched her friend decay over a man that wasn't coming back.  If he was going to, he would have by now.  And yes, she did feel responsible.  "Alison, you know I did not do that on purpose.  If Jimmy loved you, he wouldn't have left and you know it.  Or, at the very least, he would have come back.  You have had so many chances, you just refuse to leave him behind.  Well, like it or not, it's time. Ten years is enough.  You're thirty-three. It's time.  Jimmy is gone.  He's not coming back for you.  I'm sorry.  On every level.  But Jesus Christ, you have a shot with Adam.  Who is a hundred times better!"

Alison just cried again.  Her eyes were violently flowing pools flooding her face.  How could she still have these many tears inside her.  "Adam's not so great."  And was that a bullshit statement if she ever made one.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Yeah, and again, I call bullshit.  Al, what happened?  Something happened with you two.  I know it did."  She saw her friend just hang her head to hide her face.  "Alison?"

"I fucked him okay?  You happy now?  I fucked him.  I fucked him good.  It was amazing.  And then, I threw him out.  Is that what you have to fucking hear?  Or do you need more details?  Do you want to know just what his cock looks like?  Or maybe that's not enough for you?  Maybe you want to hear how he told me. . .he told. . ." Alison just sobbed more and fell into her friend's arms.

"Alison," Kelly was being comforting, "no, I don't want to know all that."  At least not under these circumstances she didn't.  "But I do want to know what he told you that has put you back into this state."

"He told me I'm the reason I'm miserable.  After I told him I really didn't know how to be around people anymore.  He still said that."  Cue more tears.

Trying to decide if she should say anything to this, Kelly tread cautiously with her words.  "Al, I've known Adam a while.  He wouldn't have said that just to say it.  What happened?"  What Kelly really wanted to do was tell Alison she agreed with Adam because again, Alison had the power to pull out of this pitiful state but she always made the decision not to.

Alison, finally realized Kelly was not going to let up on this.  It was either tell her the truth, or lose another person from her life.  When she told her that she realized that she had made a mistake and she tried to go after him, the tear river began to flow again.  "By the way, who is Jerry?"

"That's his brother.  Jerry doesn't live far from here actually.  Maybe about four blocks."

"Well that explains how he was gone so fast."

"Al, do you want to try and fix it?"  Alison shook her head in the positive.  "Then call him.  Adam's reasonable.  He'll listen."

"How do you know?" she asked through tears.  When she saw Kelly's face she knew, "You didn't?"

"You're right.  I didn't.  He called me.  Al, he's really busted up about this.  He really likes you."

"That doesn't matter.  I can't call him."

"Why not?"

"I never got his number."  

Kelly reached into her bag and pulled out a small piece of paper and handed it to Alison.  "Call him."