Starting Over

Hold On

Alison couldn't speak.  She just sat there, in complete and udder shock.  She just kept staring into his eyes.  And she could see there was no lie, no other motive, nothing there but the truth.  "I mean it Alison.  I'm falling in love with you.  And I know it sounds crazy because we haven't known each other that long.  But damn it.  Just being in the same room as you drives me fucking crazy.  I haven't stopped thinking about you since the moment I met you."

"Adam, I. . .I. . .I don't know what you want me to say."

"Whatever's in your heart," and he placed his hand over her heart on her chest.  He knew it was probably wrong, but he felt aroused just to touch her, even if it was for any other reason than erotic.  Alison looked down at where his hand was, and then back up at his eyes.  She still had a few tears streaming down her face.  Adam brought his left hand up and wiped the tears with his thumb.  "I'm so sorry Alison.  I'm sorry this happened to you.  What can I do?  What can I do to take your pain away?  If it's within my power, I'll do it."

His words only made her cry more.  But she found these were not sad tears, rather tears of amazement and happiness.  She put her left hand over his right that was still on her chest and curled her fingers around it.  She looked up and locked eyes with him.  There was an electricity there that she realized would never sleep.  His feelings for her were written in his eyes, and were pouring out on every level.  "Adam, I. . ." she stopped.  Frozen she couldn't get out what she wanted to.

"Alison, it's okay. Tell me darlin'.  I'm not going anywhere."

"I. . ." and she sniffed as he handed her a tissue to dry her eyes, "Will you. . ." and she froze again.

"Will I what? It's okay, just say whatever it is."  There was such softness and care in his voice. 

"Just hold me.  Please?"  This was her request.  Her only request right now.  Yes, she wanted more.  But in time.  Right now, she was quite shaken.  Reminders of Jimmy, Adam professing to falling in love with her, realizing she wanted nothing more than to put the past behind her and move forward with the real man that was before her, it was so much for her brain and heart to process.  But she needed something simple.  She just needed to feel his arms around her right now, and nothing more.

Adam, delighted at the simplicity of her want, got up off the floor, sat down to her left on the couch, put his right arm around her and pulled her close.  Her head fell into his chest, "God, he smells good," she thought.  He kissed the top of her head, and as he brought his left arm up to enclose her in his grasp completely, she began to silently cry on him.  "I'm so sorry, Adam.  I'm so sorry," she muttered to him between tears.

He gently rubbed her right arm, slowly rocked her back and forth in a comforting manner (it was his dad skills kicking in), and kissed the top of her head again.  "You don't have to be sorry.  There's nothing to be sorry for.  I'm here now.  I got you."  He stopped for just a moment.  He saw her look up at him as if to say, "Go ahead, I want to hear you say it."  Instead he found himself lost in her eyes, forgetting how to speak.  Then he finished, "I'm not letting go."

Alison smiled, and all of a sudden she felt calm.  Safe.  Content.  Things she had not felt in a decade.  Her gaze upward to him was genuinely full of bliss.  He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.  She had never felt such elation with such a small kiss.  He pulled away almost as quickly has he attached himself to her, but it wasn't because he didn't want to be there.  He was just as joyful that he had hold of her.  That she let him in.  That maybe, just maybe, he'd be able to satisfy her emotionally.  She threw her arms around his waist and used his mid-section as a pillow.  "This feels wonderful," she mumbled.

He kept his arms around her because that was what she had asked of him.  And he wasn't going to let go of her until she told him to.  He was happy with where he was.  Adam never thought after losing his family, that he'd ever find a way to be happy again.  But this woman he was holding, that was broken, that was beautiful to him both inside and out, in just three weeks had grabbed hold of his heart and his soul, that he didn't want to think about any life without her.  She popped up, "Do you, um, want to watch a movie?" she asked like a scared child.

"If that's what you want, it's what I want darlin'."

She handed him the remote.  "Here, you pick.  Just no horror films.  Not into them."  Adam nodded.  "I'll be right back, okay?"  Adam, let his hold up on her and she disappeared into her bathroom.

She stood before the mirror, staring at herself, not recognizing the person staring back at her.  She had a smile on her face.  "He's falling for you," ran through her head.  All her mind could hear was his voice telling her he was falling in love with her.  The more she heard it, the bigger and brighter she smiled.  "But, you still. . ." and she verbally interrupted her mind's thoughts.  "No.  I don't.  I do not.  I will not sit here and waste my life waiting for something that I know is never going to happen.  Adam is good man.  And he cares.  He genuinely cares.  Do not throw this away for someone that threw you away."  With that thought, she decided she wanted to  show Adam the real her.  Not this crying child she was.  But her.  The thing is, the only way she knew how to do that, was by being a bit provocative.  No, that wasn't the only attribute about her.  But she started thinking about their previous night together.  While he made her feel absolutely amazing, she wanted something softer and more real.  "He's falling in love with you," her brain fired off again. She ran a brush through her hair so it wasn't quite so messy, brushed her teeth, and then came through the door.  "I'll be back in a minute," she told him as she walked from her bathroom to her bedroom.  A one bedroom apartment didn't exactly afford the ability to be sneaky in going from room to room.

"You okay darlin'?" he asked as he had stretched out on the couch.

"Yes, I just want to be more awake."  Awake was what she was hoping he would be when she reappeared before him.