What do I live for?

Chapter 14

This is a long chapter. Sexual content ahead. Read with caution. But do enjoy my story so far.

Jace Pov

"No get away from me," I said and ran out of the room. I must be dreaming. This is not real. Dean Langley is not here. Shit why did I drink. The alcohol is really getting to me. I went to my room and locked it. Suddenly I felt like I was in a prison again. The Dean Langley is Dante's brother. Oh my goodness. I have to get out of here. No, its been 3 years and he has a boyfriend which means he has forgotten and moved on. I'm so fucking drunk. A loud bang shook me from my thoughts. "Jace, its Dante please open the door." What shall I do? Without haze I violently opened the door. "What? I was coming don't be so annoyed." Dean approached me again and I took a step back. "What's with your brother? So violent. Stop it or your boyfriend will get jealous," I laughed trying to play it cool. "Are you okay Jace. You looked shocked," Dante asked concerned. "I'm okay, I just came to get my jacket no big deal." Dante grabbed my hand and pulled me to the door so we can go downstairs. My room was crowded which freaked me out a bit. Shaw, Dante, Shayne and Dean. Not like I was gonna kill myself.(laugh). I laughed at the thought. "What so..." Dean grabbed my arm. "Leave us alone!" He was hurting my arm. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest that it hurt. "But Dean he is my best friend, leave him,"Dante said through her drunken state. "Leave us alone I said, Shaw escort them," Dean said possessively. "I am not going anywhere until I know what is going on," Shayne compromised. Dean just slammed the door in their faces. Rude much. My breathing hitched. "What do you want from me?" Dean hugged me very tightly. "Mr Greyson you are hurting me, too tight." "I missed you. I thought you were dead and I died with you in that fire." He kissed me all around my face. "What are you talking about?" He wiped a tear looking at me sternly. "How are you alive?" The shock of Dean being here in front of me made me feel a bit sober. "I don't know what you are talking about." "Lies! You better tell me the truth or I will force it out of you." Wow using my past against me, but I won't give into him. "What do you want from me?" He took my hands looking deeply into my eyes. "I want to know everything." This is a stubborn man. I pulled my hands from his and took a step back but he grabbed my waist. Connecting our lips together for a kiss. His kiss reminded me that I do have a heart. This man will really be the death of me. "You want me,"he said disconnecting our lips. 'Jace calm down. Remember who and what he is. Dean Langley. The Dean Langley from 3 years ago. He's a criminal.' "You're mistaken. I was just reminding myself that I feel absolutely nothing towards you. The first day you left I've forgotten that you even existed,"I spat at him. A tear escaped his eye as he let go of my hand. "You don't mean that Jace,"he said sadly. I'm trying so hard to keep my composure and my heart is not letting me. "Oh Dean Langley. You were like firewood. Once burned it turns to ash. And than gets swept away by the wind. Who knows where you ended up. Who cares or cared." Dean looked at me shocked. He looked hurt but he will never have me. He unlocked the door and left without saying another word.

Yes, what I said to him was ruthless and very wrong. Even if i have to admit it. But I will do anything to ensure that the past. My past doesn't repeat itself. Dean has been saying all these sweet things to me. That can't change what he does. Mike was sweet sometimes but behind that sweetness was always a motive. He was calm in the beginning but turned out to be my worst nightmare. Dean is sweeter than Mike which means he is more dangerous. More psychotic. He would make me live in hell. To trust someone is to take the greatest risk of all. And I don't trust Dean at all. I don't want to trust him even if my heart wants to. I've been through enough. I'm tired. Why do this world have people like that. My parents are dead. Dean already killed someone in front of me without hesitance. I saw the fire in his eyes. He loved it. Yes, I also know that I killed two people but I did it to protect myself. It was self defense right. I would never hurt someone on purpose. Nothing I have can appease him even if he was a good man. Anyway he is rich and elegant and I am a nothing. No one would ever be fascinated by me. Not that I would let anyone touch me. My insecurities is starting. The anxiety that I've been fighting for years. You could say 6 years. Everyone and anything connected to the underworld is bad. Six years ago I actually felt real loving emotions. Three years of suffering. Three years later I found happiness again. Now Dean wants to ruin that again.  The three years of suffering made me feel worthless. I meant nothing. The only physical parts that worked was my legs, hands and mouth. At least the trauma I went through didn't leave me mute. I have a beating heart but it doesn't have a owner. A partner to love and care for. Will I ever be able to love like that. My heart makes its own decisions. It wants Dean. Wants to let him in. I'm fighting my heart. Normal or abnormal isn't the case. I have had to deal with more trauma than most people in this god forsaken place encounter in a life. Who is he to come and ruin the little peace I've finally found.

Dean's Pov

"When I saw Jace again it made me so emotional. After I thought he had died. My life was hell when I found out about the fire. Losing Jace killed my spirit. I became a cold man. I know I'm still the old Dean. A very dangerous man. And Jace hates me for that. But I can't help it. Its in my nature. I went into training when I was just 15years old. Yes still a young boy. But my father wanted a professional. He hired very skilled dangerous people to train me. To be a deadly merciless person. All the tricks in the book. Some of the important ones was how to defend myself, be smart and quick. How to stay in character, how to cover up my tracks, perfectly getting rid of evidence, killing without remorse and lastly, not to let my emotions get in my way. Jace is something else. He crept into my heart the first day I saw him. I'm so in love with him. His supposed dead really killed me. He doesn't like my profession so he hates me without knowing me. My dad taught me to never let love blind me, but I can't help it. Jace has already seduced me with all of him. Since Jace and I met he's been reminding me that he doesn't like me but I approached him nevertheless. When I saw him tonight I forgot about everything else. I didn't even care that Shayne was present. Fuck! He has to understand. I'm so attached to Jace. He has me wrapped around his fingers. But all this must stop. His words to me tonight was the worst. No one who ever talked to me like that lived to tell the tale. He insulted me like I was not a human being. For three years he was still the only one in my heart. My room has a lot of pictures of him. Some nice ones that I took three years ago without him noticing me. I know that's creepy but what could I have done if he didn't want me near him. Again he is rejecting me. Breaking my heart over and over again. I never thought a man like me would get broken by one lone boy. i am totally at his mercy. Whatever he says goes. I would kill for him. I would die for him. I just don't want to give up on him because I have an idea of what he has been going through. Unfortunately I have to give up on him. He doesn't want me. He hates me so I'm backing off. Whoever he will like and begin to love. All I hope and wish is for him to be extremely happy. I won't bother Jace about my feelings anymore. But I do want to know about the fire, about Mike's death and how he got away from there. He will have to answer to me at some point. Jace is really hurting me badly. Killing me softly. So he is my sister's mysterious teddy and to think Shaw and I was so jealous and angered. Shaw, Shayne, Dante and I was the only once left  because it was already the next day 02:30. Except the maids and guards who was already busy cleaning up. Jace hasn't come down since our talk. Its a good thing though. My face was on a grim so no one asked me anything. My anger scared them. The moment I had came downstairs after my talk with Jace I drank a bottle of vodka like it was nothing. Shaw was the only one who knew what was going on. Dante? I wonder how much she knows. As they've been friends for more than two years. They must've talked. Jace looks pretty comfortable with her. But I don't know if he would share such information about his life. I wish i knew everything about him. His scars. The ones who hurt him. I wish i could've killed Mike myself. Kill everyone who hurt Jace. Even though he doesn't want me and I'm busy trying to forget him and lose this feelings I will still protect him. He is in my city now. My state so he will always be unharmed. "Well I'm going to bed so goodnight everyone. You coming Greyson." Shayne announced still drunk. In a blur i could see we went into the room that is reserved for Shayne. Goodness that vodka did a number on me. Shayne and I never slept in my room. he doesn't even know how my room looks. No one has ever been in my room only Shaw. Dante used to enter my room when we were younger. Jace is probably asleep. Fuck who cares. I locked the room's door. Shayne started kissing me invading my mouth. This is exactly what I need right now. A night of pleasure can do the trick for tonight. Nothing new and Jace, I mean Shayne knows his business in bed. I must give it to him.

Jace's Pov

My head is a mess. I'm unable to sleep. Currently sitting on my bed going through my phone. I just feel like hugging my moms. "Oh Dean, yess...ahhh Greyson," I heard from the other room. the bed's headboard was banging against my wall. Such a fancy house with such thin walls. Wonder why is that? "Greyson I love you so much, Yes you do it to me baby...I'm all yours." Shayne went on with his lustful voice. "Ahh fuckkk,"Dean growled with pleasure. They went on like that for a full hour. I hadn't notice that I was crying. The tears streamed down my cheeks. my heart felt like it was suffocating. Like there was a stone stuck in my throat. "Why the fuck are you crying Jace?"I asked myself. I tried to wipe my tears but it didn't help. I laid my head on my pillow. Deciding to just let the tears consume me. Its hurts so much. I don't want to feel like this. Why does he have such a great impact on me. He's making love to him. More reason to believe that he is not actually in love with me. my pillow was soaked with the tears of heartbreak. And like that I cried myself to sleep.