Love & Scars

Don't Push Me Away

"Sirius, wait." She grabbed his wrist. "We need to talk."

"I - uhm – I'll see you at breakfast." Remus looked between them before he darted out the room. But before he disappeared, he waved his wand over Peter's bed.

"Sirius." She tugged his arm to make him turn around. His grey stormy eyes found hers and her heartbeat fasted involuntarily. "You're avoiding me again."

He looked to the ground but didn't pull away from her grip. "I'm not."

"You are. Remus said you visited me every day when I was unconscious. You even tried to play the ukelele for me." She smiled softly. "And now you barely look me in the eye. You promised me you wouldn't push me away again."

"I don't want to frighten you." He said quietly as he looked at her hand on his wrist.

Izzie took a step forward; their chests almost touching each other. "Fuck, Sirius! Don't you see?" Her eyes were large as he turned to look at her. "You'll never frighten me. You make me feel safe, you make me feel – you make me feel loved."

"Izzie." He cupped her cheek, taking a few steps forward until her back hit the bedpost. He closed his eyes, his breathing shallow. "You mean so much to me." She could feel his breath on her face. "I don't want to be the one that scares you when I touch you." A finger went down her arm, she shivered. "I don't want to scare you when you wake up next to me."

"Sirius, back in the hospital wi-"

"You've been through so much." He leaned his head against hers. His breath moved small pieces of her hair. "I probably don't know the half of it, but there is something big I don't know. And you don't need to tell me, but I have a feeling that you need time to heal."

She turned her head away from his and looked out the window. "You might be right but that doesn't explain why you push me away, again."

Sirius let his head fall in the crook of her neck, taking in a deep and shuddering breath. Her whole body shivered as she felt his lips move against her skin as he spoke. "Because I feel so much for you, more than I've ever done anyone. Like I said, I don't want to scare you and I want to give you space to heal. But maybe, a little selfishly, I don't want to get hurt."

Her fingers wove in his hair as his face remained nuzzled in her neck. "I won't hurt you, Sirius. Not intentionally. But I – I need you, the way you calm me is completely different than how Remus does it. The way you make me feel -" She gasped a little as Sirius planted a kiss just on the pulse in her throat. The grip in his hair tightened, and he growled in the back of his throat. "Don't push me away. I can choose when I need space and I'll know you'll give it to me when I need it."

"I'll give you everything you need."

"Then don't push me away."

"Alright." He murmured against her throat. "I won't."

"Promise me." Her voice stuttered a little.

"I promise not to push you away." He kissed her pulse again. "I promise to give you everything you need." Another kiss.

"Good." She breathed, her lips grazed the shell of his ear, making him shudder. They stood there for a long moment, neither of them moved. Sirius hands were low on her hips, his face nuzzled in her neck. Her cheek rested against his ear, one hand intertwined with his hair, while the other hooked a finger in his jeans pocket.

"Help! Help!" Peter suddenly shouted, making them jump apart. "I can't open my curtains! Is someone there?!" His curtains rattled but he didn't seem to get them open.

Sirius and Izzie looked at each other before they started laughing. She tugged him out of the dorm before waving her hand releasing Peter from his temporary prison.