Not Who You Say You Are

Chapter Twenty-Two

We let the silence linger. Although Danny is long gone, I can still somehow hear the sound of his screams and the loud crack against the rock that echoed over the ocean. It's not loud. It's like a faint ringing in the back of my head. Sometimes it's drowned out by the waves crashing down at the rocks below, but inevitably it comes back. I guess I will have to learn to make peace with it. Miles and I have separated but now all three of us just sit on top of the hill, staring out over the mainland. The police should be showing up any minute and in just a few hours, we will all be able to go home. We're free. It still hasn't sunk in yet, so every few minutes I need to remind myself. I don't have to keep looking over my shoulder at the faint snap of a branch, but I still do. Ivy is coping a lot better with the concept of freedom, because she lies flat on the grass, deep in sleep. I lie back and tap Miles' arm, coaxing him to do the same. And he does. For a few minutes, we lie in each other's arms, basking in the sunlight and trying to mute the screams rebounding in our heads. But when I look at him, everything fades away. The noises. The people we lost standing side by side. It's just him. Well, there's Ivy too but she doesn't count. I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life with him.

I turn to him. "Would you still rather be with my family for Christmas?"

Both of us let out quite a morbid chuckle but then, Miles' face goes serious and he sits back up. I already feel bad. Sometimes, making light out of the darkness isn't everyone's way of coping. Shamefully, I feel grateful that my mother, father, sister, and boyfriend survived but I'll miss Bonnie my entire life. I feel a deep regret for Ruby, who none of us gave enough time or attention. She has been struggling for years and nobody bothered to help. Dana, who was so sweet and I hate that she'll never get to watch her child grow up. I'm sympathetic towards her child, who I don't even know is alive but the voice in the back of my head tells me she is. But wherever she is, she'll never grow up with a mother. Poor Maggie didn't deserve that. All she did was look after our sick grandfather, who deep down, loved us all. Even John and Emerald, whom I hated so ferociously didn't deserve that outcome. John was a narcissist who would probably never change, but Emerald was still a kid. She was a brat but who knows, with time she could have grown up to be a really good person. We've experienced something truly traumatic during these past few days so I understand why Miles is not willing to laugh. Most of my family is dead. Maybe I shouldn't be too quick to laugh either.

"Sorry", I say. "I just make jokes when I-"

"It's not that", Miles cuts me off. "It's just... I don't know. Forget it".

His face sinks and I can see him slipping away. It reminds me of Christmas Eve night. When he suddenly became distant and upset. I never pushed him. I didn't want to pry or make him uncomfortable but now I'm not going to let that happen. I'm not going to let him shut me out anymore.

"Tell me", I say softly. "Please".

Miles takes a large breath before continuing. "I feel... strange, I guess. Because even after all of this, everything that happened, I still would rather have been here than with my family".

He pauses. I don't reply, partly because I don't know what to say. He would choose being hunted and potentially killed over being with his family. It seems strange. The other reason is because I can tell he has more to say.

"There's some stuff I haven't told you", he admits. "About my family".

He pauses again. This time I can tell he wants a reply.