Fell In A Concrete Jungle (Nicholas Ruffilo/ Bad Omens)

15: I don't want to. . .

~Gemma's POV:~


I don't want to die.
I don't want to die.
I don't want to die.

His voice haunted me; it followed me through the streets stained red with blood. My hands trembled, as if they were cold but it wasn't cold I was feeling, it was fear.
Hearing a crashing sound from in front of me, I saw Nicholas and Kane on top of one another,
My breathing grew heavy, eyes scanning the area I spotted the gun I had used before. It was like I wasn't in control of my feet or my hands as I picked the gun up. My mind screaming, begging me to stop as I aimed the weapon at Kane.
Knowing what was to come, I pointed the gun and closed my eyes—the same loud bang making me flinch, but a cold sinister laugh sounded in front of me before a small pitiful sound. "I don't want to die" my eyes flew open as I saw Nicholas was the one on the ground.

"No!" I cried tossing the gun down, rushing to him—putting pressure on the wound I had caused, he was repeating it just like how Kane was. "Nick, hey no you need to stay with me" I begged feeling the warmth of blood on my fingers.

"I don't want to die" he said one final time.

Feeling my hair being yanked back, I screamed out as I tried to get myself out. "Now look what you've done, princess—let's see how you like it" and as he said that I heard it. I heard the click of safety coming off a weapon.

"No!" I panted sitting straight up in the bed, desperate to get air down my lungs as sweat slid down my neck. My hair clung to my forehead as I tried to gulp down air, but there was none—I had killed someone.

"Nyx?" startled at the sudden sound, Nick was up and off the futon in a flash before he sat in front of me, his hands reaching for my face to make me look at him. "Hey, hey deep breaths come on follow my lead" my eyes peered into his as he breathed in, I tried matching his, but it was no use—there was no air. "Come on, Nyx, I know you can do it" he said trying once more.
Finally getting a gulp of air down, he smirked nodding his head as he repeated the actions over and over. "Was it a bad dream?" he questioned finally when I was able to get myself somewhat back together.

Looking at the clock, I saw it read eight in the morning, and I could hear the others already home, most likely not Jolly though. "I... I killed him" I said looking at Nick who seemed to understand just what exactly the dream was about, I didn't want to share the detail of how in the dream it was him that was shot instead of Kane.

Nodding his head gently, he stood from the bed we were on. "Yeah. . . Yeah you did, I'm sorry you had to do that, but sometimes these things in life happen and we can't help that" there it was, his wall he would build when he felt as if someone got too close to him. I could tell he was still upset about me not listening to him, and I was upset about it too, I should have listened to him.

Getting changed in the privacy of the room, I wore leggings and a sweatshirt before exiting the room, Nick already in the kitchen with the others who all sat around some food. Taking a seat at the end of the table, I couldn't help but drift off into my own little world.
I don't want to die.

"She shot someone!?" my mind snapped at the sound of Noah snapping those words, "Gemma, look at me" he was annoyed which I could understand. Looking at Noah, his brown eyes softened at the sight of me, no doubt looking like a ghost. "Did anyone see you?" he said trying to hold firm on his words.

Shrugging my shoulders, I felt hollow. "I don't know" I said truthfully, I had no clue if anyone saw me. "Jolly deleted the footage, Nicholas made sure of that" I looked at him as he stood leaning against the counter, coffee in hand.

"I told you it was too dangerous, I told you no and you didn't listen—you could have been killed last night Gemma, you could have been hurt if I had not found you, fucks sake, his fucking hand was around your throat!" he yelled slamming his cup down on the table.

I deserved this, I deserved all of this.
Helen's eyes widened as her head wiped around my way, gasping as she saw the faint bruising on my neck. "Holy shit, Gemma are you okay?" she said examining the bruising.

Another shrug, it was all I could do. I was alive, and Kane was dead—he haunted me, and I deserved it. Nicholas let out an annoyed sigh, "Jolly changed the code to the house as well, since princess here clearly knew it. She is shaken up, but do not ever fucking leave mine or anyone else's sights like that again, do I make myself clear" he said looking right at me.

"Nicholas, calm down" Helen snapped at him, she looked at what I considered a hollow shell of a body before letting out a sigh, "teach her to defend herself."

"Excuse me?" Nick said confused as to what he had just heard.

Helen rolled her eyes, "you heard me, Nick. Teach her to defend herself, we all will. Teach her to fight, teach her to shoot a gun, use a knife all of it—so if it ever did happen again, she won't be shell-shocked like this, we live in the jungle and things are getting messy, she needs to be able to defend herself so we need to teach her."

It was Noah who spoke. "She's right, Gemma eat up—you start learning after breakfast." But how could I eat? How could I do anything.
I don't want to die.