This Life

Chapter 4

The move to Seattle had been relatively hassle free – well as hassle free as it can be when you are moving to the other side of the country.

Derek had ordered a cab and picked Meredith up from her apartment and made the quick journey to Logan International Airport. An hour later and they were at the sitting at a small cafe beside the boarding gate. Derek told Meredith how he knew Richard Webber and his wife Adele and that they were both going to meet them at the airport and take them to hotel that they would staying at until they could have a house.

Meredith nearly choked on her latte at the mention of "they". Derek casually informed her that he was not in private practice with set hours anymore and it would be more practical for Meredith to be a live-in nanny.

Seven hours later and they had arrived in Seattle. The sun was just beginning to set when they were finally leaving the airport for their waterfront hotel. The Webbers had booked them into the penthouse suite on the top floor of the hotel. Her own private bedroom was nearly the entire size of her old apartment.

They were all tired after the long journey especially Beth who decided to be Miss shy upon meeting Adele. Meredith had been surprised at how well behaved Beth had been on the flight. There had been a few tears when the plane had started to take off in Boston but she soon settled and she had been fast asleep when they landed in Seattle.

Richard and Adele arrived at the hotel for lunch the following day in the beautiful waterfront restaurant. Derek and Richard had talked mainly about the hospital with Richard telling him all about his new colleagues and the teaching programme they currently had in place and were ranked third in the US behind John Hopkins and Mass General.

Meanwhile Adele told Meredith all about Seattle from the best shops and restaurants to things to see and do. Adele had also brought along some flyers for houses that were for sale close to the hospital and amenities such as shops and schools.

Adele had picked two out that they go and view today one in the Queen Anne area of Seattle and the other just outside the Downtown area.

"Well what do you think?" Adele asked Meredith.

"They both look really nice, but it's not really my decision to make ..." Meredith stammered. Derek had been watching Meredith for the past few minutes and took this moment to join in the conversation.

"Nonsense. Of course it is your choice to make - you will be living there too. So which one do we view first?" Derek smiled at her before looking at the two houses Adele had picked out.

Three hours later Derek had signed for the Queen Anne house.

The Downtown townhouse would have been closer to the hospital but Derek had been put off by the internal water feature – there had been a hole in the roof which had supposedly been repaired but the house still smelt mouldy and damp.

Meredith had loved the Queen Anne house from the moment she had walked in through the door. It was your basic family home with a good sized lounge which was joined to the dining room and kitchen. Upstairs were three good sized bedrooms and the bathroom. The basement was used for storage and a utility room. There was even a small enclosed garden and patio area at the back of the house. Derek had been especially pleased with the two car garage and the fact it was only ten minutes from the hospital.

An hour later and Derek Shepherd was the new owner.

As the house was empty Derek soon made arrangements for them to move in within the next few days and was soon on the phone with Fed Ex to arrange the delivery of their furniture and other belongings.

Because of his long hours Derek had very little time to get the house tided and decorated and put Meredith in charge of getting the house organised.

Two days after buying the house the decorators were in painting every room in the house, a few days later the carpets were fitted and then Fed Ex arrived and they finally moved in to their new house.

That had a month ago and Meredith had soon realised why Derek had wanted to her to be a live- in nanny. As he was an attending he could pick and choose his hours but as he was new and wanted to impress both Richard and his fellow surgeons, Derek was starting work most mornings at 6am and staying most nights until 7pm. He was usually home in time to bath Beth and put her bed.

Derek would come home and tell Meredith all about that day's surgery and who he had worked with.

Derek being Derek had made friends easily especially with another attending – Owen Hunt – head of trauma.

By the end of his second week Derek had invited another surgeon who he was friendly with to come over and watch the Seahawks game. Derek told Meredith that Owen had been a medic in the army and had served in Iraq and that his girlfriend was a resident at the hospital. Derek explained how Christina Yang was one of the best surgical residents in the hospital who had an intense passion for cardio and to be the best. He also described her as being demanding, challenging and selfish.

On the day Meredith had been introduced to Christina could only be described as hectic for Meredith. She was trying to finish tidying the house and Beth had been extra clingy and last thing Meredith was in the mood for was to meet and entertain Derek's friends.

Owen and Christina had arrived just before the game started armed with some beer and a bottle of wine. Meredith was instantly by Owen's politeness and sense of humour and could not believe how someone like him was living with someone like Christina.

Christina had made it perfectly clear from the moment she set foot through the door that she did not want to be there. She wanted to be drinking lots of alcohol in Joes' – a bar across the road from the hospital.

Whilst Derek and Owen were in the lounge watching the game, Meredith had decided to continue trying to clean up after dinner only to have Christina follow her into the kitchen and go on and on about how bored she felt she was not getting enough surgery time. She then asked Meredith why she would want to do something as crazy as looking after children all day. Meredith was speechless when Christina referred to children as 'toxic'.

When Beth woke up crying Christina's response was simply "the brat's awake".

Meredith took a deep breath before going upstairs to settle Beth. She came back downstairs and walked back into kitchen and said to Christina

"Why do you want to be a surgeon? I am a nanny and I enjoy it. I love with working with children – I finally have the childhood I never had and get to make sure that at least one child does not as crappy an upbringing as I had. Does that answer your question?"

Christina was sitting on a stool at the island.

"I watched my father die in a car crash and I felt useless, that I could have saved him somehow. I'm rude, insensitive and hard core about surgery and I don't like children." She answered looking Meredith straight in the eye. "Do you want another glass of wine?"

"Yes please" Meredith answered "... but do not call Beth a brat again. Deal?"

"Deal" Christina said

After the dodgy start Meredith and Christina were now good friends – Owen going as far as calling them the 'twisted sisters'.

Meredith liked her simply because she did not hold back – she did not lie and would honestly tell you if your bum looked too big in something. Meredith found her refreshing.

'The Sport's Night' became a weekly event and each time Meredith and Christina would sit in the kitchen with a bottle of wine and generally bitch about life in general. Meredith had even told her about her relationship with her family with Christina offering to help Meredith hide the body of her sister if she ever came to Seattle.

It was the morning after one of these evenings that Meredith found herself standing at the island in the kitchen looking at the brochure that Derek had brought home two nights ago.

"I still cannot believe you paid $3 million dollars for this?" she said to Derek who was pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"It is a great investment! Imagine waking up every morning to either a view of Seattle or the forest. It's going to be great!" Derek answered.

"Yes, the view is amazing but still, $3 million dollars when we already have a perfectly acceptable house?" Meredith replied.

"This place is small and is just a stepping stone until the house is built. Imagine no nosy neighbours, we can play all our rock albums as loud we want and not having to worry about Beth running out in front of the road." Derek replied.

"At here it's the only the road to be worried about, I'm thinking of all the bears, the cliff edge, and not to mention the lake..."

"There will be a fence at the cliff edge and as for the lake we can discuss all of this with the architects."

"Yeah, but $3 million dollars?" Meredith was still dumbstruck at the amount he paid for the land.

"Listen you do not need to worry – I am not going to be bankrupt. As I said the other night I'll be earning nearly two million a year at Seattle Grace, I sold my share in the practice for three million and then the Boston apartment at one million and there are my savings..."

"Okay stop anytime soon – I am painfully aware of how rich you are." Meredith laughed

Derek stood at the counter and smiled her.

"So are you ready for tonight? Do you need to me collect anything on the way home?" he asked.

Tonight Richard and Adele Webber were coming over dinner – Derek had arranged it as a thank you for helping them get sorted when they first arrived in Seattle.

"Near enough. I'll just keep it simple – Spaghetti Bolognese and some salad, although you could collect the Cheesecake for me on your way home." Meredith answered.

"Not a problem. I better go – I'll see you later". Derek walked over to the highchair and kissed Beth goodbye. He stood and made eye contact with Meredith. What he really wanted to do was kiss her goodbye as well.

"Yeah, have a good day" Meredith smiled back.

Derek lifted his briefcase and jacket and walked out to his car. Meredith turned around just in time to see Beth lift her cereal bowl and throw it on to the floor.

"Thanks Beth."

Beth started to laugh and squeal in her highchair.

Thankfully the rest of the day went without incident. After breakfast Meredith and Beth went shopping to get everything in for the dinner party. After a quick lunch they went to the nearby park and Beth had a go on the baby swings and finally fell asleep on her way home.

Meredith was thankful that she would now get a few hours peace to get ready for this evening. She liked both Richard and Adele and although she was looking forward to the evening she was little apprehensive about it. All dinner parties started out the same she thought. After everyone had eaten a lovely meal they would to know more about her – why was she not married, why did she not go to college and the evening would end with someone making snide comments to her. Most dinner parties left Meredith feeling that she should be waitress or servant at the event rather than a guest.

Meredith prayed that tonight would be a success for her sake as well as Derek.

Derek finished early and arrived home shortly after 6pm with the cheesecake as promised and went upstairs to get ready. Beth was playing in her cot dressed for the occasion in her lilac dress with white flowers in the hem and matching cream cardigan. Meredith had just lifted her stuff and was headed for the bathroom when she literally walked into Derek coming out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel.

"Oh God" Meredith stammered and blushed at the same time.

"Sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going" Derek answered back trying his best not look at the Meredith in the thin dressing gown.

"Have you finished in the bathroom?" asked Meredith still stammering at the sight of a semi-naked Derek.

"All yours" answered Derek trying to get lots of dirty images out of his brain.

A short time later Meredith came down the stairs wearing a plain black shirt and indigo jeans and Derek could notice the faint make-up and that she had curled her hair.

"You look beautiful Meredith"

"Thanks – you don't look too bad yourself." Derek was wearing a plain light blue shirt and black jeans.

"Listen Meredith about earlier I'm so sorry I didn't realise..."

"It's okay really. Let's just forget it ever happened" Meredith replied.

"Good. Okay. Forgotten." Derek muttered the last word under his breath. The image of Meredith in nothing but that thin dressing gown will be embedded in Derek's brain for a long time to come.

At exactly 7pm Richard and Adele arrived armed with a bottle of wine and chocolates for Meredith. Adele immediately asked if she could help Meredith with anything while Derek and Richard discussed that day's surgeries.

The simple meal of Spaghetti Bolognese had been popular and the evening was going well. Beth loved being the centre of attention the whole night with both Richard and Adele making a fuss of her. When Beth started to get tired Meredith excused herself and took Beth upstairs to bed leaving Derek with the lovely job of doing the dishes.

Once Beth was asleep Meredith came down the stairs and joined the others in the lounge. Derek was just opening another bottle of wine when Adele asked Meredith if she had enjoyed living in London.

Meredith took a deep breath before telling them about living in London and how she loved being a nanny and how she had to give it up when her mother took ill. When she explained that her mother had a liver transplant Richard's interest peaked.

"If you don't mind can I ask you about the transplant process in the UK, I know it is different to what it is here in the States".

Meredith spent the next thirty minutes explaining about how mother was diagnosed, how she had to have numerous assessments before being approved and how once she was accepted on to the transplant list they had to attend a course explaining what they had to do before and after transplant. They also had to notify of any changes in her mother's health and medication to a transplant co-ordinator.

Meredith went on explained about the organ donor process and how it is decided who gets a liver when one becomes available.

She also explained what it was like spending six months breaking out into a cold sweat every time the telephone rang and how they got from one end to London in less than 20 minutes once they got the call. She told him about the transplant how Ellis had received a split liver – the donated liver was split between her and a young child.

Derek was sitting back watching the conversation and was literally amazed at how much Meredith had gone through.

"I am a liver transplant surgeon Meredith; sometimes we forget what it must be like for the patient and families." Richard said "Thank you for sharing your experience".

Although initially cautious talking about her family – something which Derek had picked up on, Meredith actually enjoyed talking about it to someone who could explain the illness and procedure to her in a plain and simple manner.

It was only then that Derek began to understand Meredith and how she became the person she is today. He knew from the moment he met her that she was sweet and caring – but to give her up the job loved to look after her mother – he knew that not many people would do that. Addison would never have done that. He looked at her sitting in the chair in the corner; she looked beautiful and relaxed with her slightly curled hair and faint make –up laughing at a joke that Adele had made. It was in that moment that Derek realised he was in love with her.

He only realised that he had been staring when Meredith looked him in the eye and smiled at him.

Meredith had noticed Derek staring at her for the last few minutes. She knew that she had discussed some things with Richard that she had not told Derek and she knew he would ask her about later.

A conversation that would probably be full of questions that Meredith did not really want to or felt ready to answer. She knew that if and when she told Derek about her family that would be the end of everything – she would no longer be Beth's nanny and Derek would want nothing to do with her.

She glanced over at him – he looked gorgeous tonight: happy and relaxed enjoying the company of his friend and former mentor.

Their gaze was broken when Adele decided to change the topic from liver disease and surgery to her work as wife to the Chief of Surgery and her new project.

"I'm sorry I didn't realise that the chief's wife would have duties" Meredith answered.

"Oh yes, mostly fundraising events for the hospitals, breakfast meetings, galas and photo opportunities." Adele answered. "However there is a new project that I am currently working on that you might interest you Meredith – that is if Derek is prepared to share you". Adele glanced over and smiled at Derek.

"Oh really – what would that be?" answered a cautious Meredith.

"We finally have the funding to open a new day care facility at the hospital. It has just been built and is specially designed to be a crèche and is equipped with all the latest toys and gadgets for the children. The ground floor is for parents who have appointments at the hospital basically somewhere for the children to play rather than in the waiting room or in the hospital corridor. The Second floor crèche is for hospital staff and will operate 24 hours."

"Wow, that is a really good idea Adele" Meredith answered.

"I'm glad you like the idea Meredith – what I'm really trying to say is that I need a manager for staff crèche. Someone who has plenty of childcare experience and who can provide a relaxed and friendly atmosphere who will not only help in the rooms but also help me with a lot of managerial work – staff rotas and showing new parents around the facility, but also someone who knows what life can be like at a busy hospital – and I think you are the perfect person for the job."

"I don't know what to say Adele..." Meredith answered. She had to admit she was shocked by Adele's offer. The whole day care facility sounded fantastic but she already had a job and could not bear the thought of leaving Beth.

"Well give me call and I'll give you a tour of the crèche and you can let me know what you think" Adele said.

Shortly afterwards Richard and Adele announced that it is time for them to leave and it was only when Meredith stood up to say goodnight that she noticed Adele kissing and whispering something to Derek that Meredith realised what had just happened.

She had been set up.

She walked to the front door and waved goodnight before going back into the lounge and collected the empty wine glasses.

Derek closed the front door pleased at how well the evening went.

He was glad that Meredith was interested in the position: if she was also working at the hospital it would mean that he could spend more time with her and Beth. They could drive to and from work together and have lunch together, and as he would no longer be her boss, she might finally agree to go a proper date with him he thought.

"Well that went well." Derek said as walked into the kitchen where Meredith was cleaning the wine glasses.

"If you say so" Meredith answered curtly.

That was not the answer Derek was expecting. "Meredith they loved you, Adele would not have offered you the job if she..."

"Oh yes the job." Meredith turned around and looked Derek directly in the eye. "Did Adele really offer me the job due to my childcare experience or did you have a word in her ear. I saw you to whispering Derek. Thank you for the vote of confidence. If you were so desperate to get rid of me all you had to do was say."

She threw the cloth on the counter and turned to walk out of the kitchen.

Derek was shocked at Meredith's reaction and quickly grabbed her before she left the kitchen.

"Meredith it was not how looked" he started to explain

"Oh really" she bit back.

"Adele happened to ask me if I knew of anyone who be interested in the position and I remembered you telling me that day we met on Boston common how much you would love to run your own crèche and I thought it would be perfect for you... and for Beth. There would be loads of other children for her to play with and we..."

"Ah, now I get it..."

"No Meredith you don't." Derek could not understand why Meredith was being like this and he was determined to get his point across. "You are a fantastic nanny, Beth adores you, you are brilliant with children – even my spoilt nieces and nephews love you. You are perfect for the job and I do not want to hold you back from doing something that you have always wanted to do. I do not want to get rid of you – if anything I want to spend more time with you..."

"Yeah right, get Meredith a job at the crèche and she will go out with me. I get it Derek. Crystal clear." She almost yelled back.

"Meredith that is not what I meant." Derek sighed and ran his hand through his hair "It was a simple gesture. You have no idea how much you have helped me in the short time I have known you. All I wanted to do was return the favour – to give you a chance to do something you have always wanted. If you don't want the job you don't have to take it."

Meredith looked at Derek. He was leaning against the island his eyes looked sad and defeated. He looked disappointed.

She had done it again Meredith thought. She had disappointed him and let him down, just like she always does. So much for the fresh start.

She continued to stand there, but could no longer bear to look at Derek's face.

She did not know what made her do it. Maybe she had too much wine but she found herself opening her mouth and saying the words that she knew would lead her to telling Derek everything about her past.

"I'm sorry Derek... I'm just not used too this. I'm not used to people doing nice things for me, giving me compliments. I don't know how to react..." by now the tears in her eyes threatened to spill.

Derek walked over to her and put his arms on her shoulders and looked into her eyes.

"I'm just not used to it. I'm sorry..." Meredith whispered.

Derek knew by the look on her face that something had happened to her in the past, something she had not told him. He held her face in her hands, his thumb wiping away the solitary tear.

"Meredith what's wrong... what happened?" he asked gently.

"Are you sure you want to know? Because by the time I'm finished you won't want a screw up like me anywhere near you or your daughter."