This Life

Chapter 14

"Damn it!" Derek stated as he scrubbed out from surgery, another patient had died and now he had to break the news to their family. Once again his clinical trial had claimed another life.

All Derek wanted to do now was to collect his daughter from the crèche and give her a big hug and curl up in bed with Meredith. He looked up at the clock and saw the time – 3:30am.

"Oh shit!" Derek exclaimed as he hurried out of the scrub room and headed for the nursery. He knew that Meredith and Beth were both still there as they had come to work together and there were no messages on his cell phone to say that they had gone home.

Within a few minutes Derek arrived at Meredith's office and he took a deep breath before opening the door.

Meredith was lying sleeping on the small sofa in the office but as soon as the office door opened she was awake. "What is it?" she muttered.

"Mer, it's me – I'm so sorry I didn't realise the time I was stuck in surgery" Derek whispered.

"I would say its okay Derek, but it's not." Meredith answered.

"Mer..."

"No Derek. This is the fourth time in two weeks this has happened." Meredith answered back. She was trying her best not to shout as she did not want to waken the sleeping children in the crèche.

"I Know. Let's go get Beth and go home and get some sleep." Derek said.

"No." Meredith said as she moved on the sofa to a sitting position. "She's sleeping Derek. Do you want to go and waken her and then fight to get her back to sleep and then waken her again at 5:30am and have her in a grumpy mood for the rest of the day because I don't." Meredith said.

She looked at Derek before continuing "I'm too tired Derek. If you want to go home go, but I'm staying here."

"Mer don't be like that." Derek said as he rubbed his face. He knew she was right it wouldn't be fair to lift Beth.

"Don't be like what Derek? We have barely seen each other over the last two weeks and when we do we're too tired to even speak each other. I know how important this trial is to you – I really do. You can ignore and forget about me as much as you want, but not Beth. When was the last time you actually spent time with her?" Meredith said.

"I know you don't need to tell me" Derek said as he sat down beside her.

Meredith reached out and took his hand "I'm sorry, I'm tired and don't really mean to take it out on you. How was your surgery?" she asked gently.

Derek shook his head. "The patient died. This trial is making me feel like a murderer."

"Derek you are not a murderer – you are a fantastic surgeon who has come up with a brilliant idea. You told me at the start that it would not be an instant success."

"I know but every patient has died Meredith – I told them about the trial and promised them a miracle" Derek buried his head in his hands "and all I have managed to do is kill them."

"No you didn't..." Meredith said as she rubbed his back.

"Meredith my wonderful trial killed them." Derek argued back.

"They all had a brain tumor right?" Meredith asked.

"Yes"

"They were classed as terminally ill and only had weeks to live right?" Meredith wanted to make sure that she had her facts right before continuing.

"Yes" Derek whispered.

"You gave them hope Derek, this trial will be a success and when it is finished Beth and I will be here to celebrate with you." Meredith said as she held his hand.