Pretty lies

sixty three- watch me

Isadora Rose:

What a shit show this life of mine is turning out to be.

Days ago i was sun bathing in Italy hand in hand with the love of my life and now I sit across from psychopath who lives in my home. It's not exactly what I pictured the turn out of a one night stand to be.

I don't know what makes me angrier. The way Iris can't bare to look at me or the way I can't look away from her. The state of her should amuse me, but it doesn't. I should be taking in the dried up blood dripping from her nose as relief fills me, but it doesn't.  None of it matter when I can't see her eyes.

"Are you going to keep looking away from me like a coward or are you going to pull yourself together and look at me?" I spit out not realizing how emotional this was making me.

"No."

"Is there a reason behind that other than the fact that you're a backstabbing bitch who wishes death upon her own blood?"

Look at me.

"No."

"Do you take me for a fool, is that what this is?"

Look at me.

"No."

"Look at me," i allow myself to get emotional, i yell, "Look at what you've done to me, to us, to our family."

Hesitantly Iris meets my fiery stare and I see how hurt she is. She's hurt? What a joke.

"What do you want me to say? I'm sorry?" My cousin asks as if it were the simplest question she could've chosen. She may as well have been asking for a cup of damn sugar.

"Would you even mean it?"

"I don't know." She doesn't know. Of course she doesn't. How could i expect so much from a crazy person.

"What happened to you? And don't you dare try to pull the black sheep card because I've had enough of that bullshit."

"I just wanted to have something of my own, is that so bad?" When it involves my family? Yes, it is.

"We were a family Iris, I would've given you anything you needed at the drop of a hat you know this. You didn't need to do all of this. I mean, seriously, what did I actually do to you?"

"Nothing. I thought you would fight back dirtier than I had so I would have enough reason to do what I was planning. That's all I can say about that."

"That's all? Are you fucking kidding me? This three minute conversation is not to going to soften what you did to those poor babies. They will never forget what you- their family- did to them."

I can't stop the tears anymore. I want her to see how much she has hurt me, it's a need now. She needs to watch me fall apart and pull myself back together despite her bullshit.

"I don't know what you want me to do. I could sit here and apologize over and over again, but you won't believe me no matter what. So what's the fucking point in begging. Just put me out of my misery."

"You know what. I'm glad you're miserable. Im glad you're hurting , even though it'll never reflect what you have done to me, it's enough for now."

"Isa-"

"And you know what makes this so much worse? I still love you. I hate you with every fiber of my being and I fall asleep with the image of you dying on the street in my mind, but I love you." I admit as if it were a crime and my life sentence awaited. The acidic taste coating these words could burn holes in my throat but I need to let it go.