Professor || J.Jk × Reader

0.7. Hurt In The Core

"But, The feeling of these butterflies and volcanoes didn't last long."

It felt

as if the blood in my veins, stopped still. Dead. When I noticed the tugging on my wrist.When I noticed his eyes, his gaze, which held pure disappointment and guilt. When I noticed the stiffness in his body. When I noticed that he never kissed me back all this
time.

I
held his gaze a little longer and pulled myself away from him, withdrawing my hands from his frame I stood there, now looking at the ground once again, as I felt the burn in the back of my eyes. It was now that I realised what his actions meant, and it led my eyes to turn moist.

"Hyun, you...yo..you don't love me. Do you?" I dared to ask looking at him through my glistening eyes.

"You don't right. It was just me all this time who thought that you'd reciprocate my feelings, because I don't see a reason why you won't. Aren't you the one who promised me, that you'll Mary me in future. That you'll love me, all your life. Our life, together. You know how much I took that promise to be a real one, even without that, I loved you all along the way.

It was you who I wanted to be with. I never failed to show my feelings, did I ?
And from the way, our friendship has fluttered all these years, maybe, maybe it was capable enough on tricking me to think that all of this was real, that you too reciprocated my feelings, you too took your promise as seriously as me, you too loved me"

I asked him, looking straight into his eyes. And from the look of it, he was beyond shocked and his face gave off the sadness he felt. He hasn't moved from his position yet. I looked and looked at him. My eyes held so much emotions, love , hurt, regret and anger, surely not towards him. It was me whom I was angry on. Maybe I was the one who mistook all his deeds as something else. Something more sacred. Something more intimate.

"Yn, -

He started ,his voice low yet it held an emotion I couldn't quite understand.

–Im sorry, but I don't feel the same towards you. Ofcourse you're my dearest best friend but I don't know if I'll ever be able to reciprocate your feelings. And about that promise, we were just kids then, it was childish of us to make any such promises, and hope to fulfill them in future. I've already moved on from that and I hope you'll understand it too.
I know it's my fault, I wouldn't have said so, but I also never presumed you to be the typed to hold onto something like that. I'm really sorry but you should try to move on Yn. You're my best friend, you're my family and I'd never want to lose what I have with you but at the same time I can't fulfill what I promised. I hope this isn't going to change anything between us and please Yn please don't think that you are any less, that's why I'm doing this. It's just I don't feel anything for you. For sure I liked you a lot as a kid but that was childish, you were my only girl friend at that time, and now as I've grown older I realised that it was all childish. Please forgive me and move on. You deserve someone who'll love you, its not me yn , not me. I'm sorry again."

   He explained, looking into my eyes, holding my hands assuringly, which he dropped after finishing himself off. He crouched down to grab my stuff along with his and went over to the reception.

I stood there, being dumbstruck. I thought of all those moments where I had imagined myself confessing to Junghyun. Pictured ourselves together. I even imagined myself getting married to.... I can't even say it out aloud. I'd thought of it numerous times already, but what I hadn't thought was the consequence I just faced. I'd never imagined it to end like this.

I'm numb at the moment. I want to run away from here but it's like my body isn't even budging. And I don't know for how long I stayed the same because the next moment when I realised I've gained my senses back, as I'm feeling my frame being shook by jungkook and him calling my name over and over. I turn to look at him when he called my name again.

"Yn! Come on we've to go. Else all have already reached the parking. What took you so long here? Huh? Hyung already paid for your stuff. You're not going to look at me, are you? We've to pack our stu–

He halted his words when he noticed all this time I was looking at the ground only, resisting any contact.

Are_are you crying?"

He asked, his tone softening. It was of him that I realised that all this time, I was crying my eyes out. I shook my head, still not bothering to look up at him.

"Yn. Look at me. I asked you something. Why are you crying?"

I cautiously brought my burning eyes to look at him, my breath hitching, body shivering and quite whimpers escaping from my lips. But as soon as I locked gazes with him, I saw the shift of emotions in his eyes. It held something I couldn't decipher, but before I can understand what it was he engulfed my frame in his tough one, one hand which held the back of my head, keeping my face closer to his chest while his other hand rubbed small circles on my back, to comfort me, to soothe out the hurt I was feeling.

And this was where I lost it all.

My whimpers turned into heavy yet silent sobs, I just couldn't comperhend, how all this managed to happen in just a little span of time. I cried and cried, venting all my feelings. I felt like I was the one to blame, the guilt of kissing him without consent was enough to dig holes in my heart. And to bear it all alone, I just couldn't afford it. I'm not strong enough to overpower the feeling of guilt and regret I felt, thus, what I allowed myself to do was, hug him back and cry. I let my sobs exhibit how bad I felt, hopeless and hurt.

Hurt in the core.