Unsuspecting Hero (Batjokes)

Chapter 14

Joker raided his own safehouse, wearing his signature suit for the first time in two months. It made him feel slightly more normal, his head less chaotic with worry.

He didn't need to be Jack right now, he needed to be Joker. That thought was more comforting than Joker cared to admit. Jack was all worry and discovery, Joker was the comfort in feeling like himself. Joker was the reality of who he was and who other people feared. The chaos of Gotham city, the one keeping Batsy on his toes.

Batman, who was currently being held captive by Harvey Dent. The thought made his teeth grind, smudging his lipstick slightly as he applied it. He grumbled, wiping the small imperfection with his thumb. 

He grabbed all of the weapons he could fit into his pockets, and even more that he could stash under his suit. He looked himself up and down in the mirror, feeling more like himself than he had in months. That's what he needed right now. That's what Batsy needed. For him to be Joker, the level-headed, creative clown prince of crime, who never did the same gag twice.

He was determined to force Harvey Dent into the fucking ground.

Pulling out Riddler's phone as he ran back to the Batmobile, he called the familiar number with a grin on his face. The tone dialled once, twice, three times, until that familiar voice that Joker adored came through the speaker, accent thick and heavy from recently awoken sleep. "Mmh...Eddy, what'cha want? It's like four in the morning"

"Harls!" Joker beamed through the speaker happily, putting the car on auto-drive to the first location. "M-Mister J?" He could hear shuffling, could hear the worry laced into that voice and it made him feel bittersweet. "I-Is that really you?"

"Who else could it be, pumpkin?" Joker teased, ignoring the tightness in his chest as he pretended everything was okay. "Oh, Puddin'! I was so worried about you!"

"Listen, Harls, I would love to have this conversation right now, but it's gonna need to wait. How quick do you think you can meet me at Ozzy's old cash den?" Joker asked, watching the scenery go by through the window apprehensively. He couldn't believe he was going back to this place. It made the pit in his stomach grow wider.

"Uhm, maybe half hour? Why are you going back there?"

"Harvey has Bats"

"What?! Oh my god, Puddin' are you okay? I'll be there as quick as I can" He heard scrambling behind the phone, presumably her getting ready. "Thanks, Harley. I owe you, big time"

"You know I'll always be there to help, Mister J" The nickname left an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, but he brushed it away. "Okay, but just a warning"

"Yeah?"

"I'll have some birdies with me"

~~~

The batmobile parked in front of the building haphazardly, door opening automatically to let Joker out of the drivers seat. He climbed out with a small huff, looking up at the looming building with...well, he didn't know. Those emotions that mixed around in his mind were so strong that he just felt numb. "Jack" Dick spoke from behind him, and that name alone made his lips tremble. No, he wasn't Jack. Not right now. He couldn't be. 

"It's Joker right now" He mumbled, not tearing his eyes off of the building. "Please" He couldn't stop himself from letting out, voice small and pathetic and so unlike Joker and more like Jack that he had to shake his mind. He turned to Dick and Tim with a forced smile, laced with torment and such sadness that Dick could understand the revert back into his old personality.

"Okay, Joker" Nightwing nodded, granting him this reprieve. "Do we have a plan?" Tim finally spoke, and Joker turned to face them for the first time that night. "Partially. It involves Harls and Eddy, though. And maybe a bit of a spectacle" Joker giggled softly, unable to contain the small laughter.

"So, what is this plan?" Dick asked, leaning against the Batmobile. "Puddin'!!" A voice called out, and Joker turned with a slither of a genuine smile. "It's so good to see you" Harley cooed, pulling Joker into a tight hug. Joker reciprocated, holding her close and unwilling to let go. But he had do. He had a show to put on.

Letting go reluctantly, he turned to all three of them now with determination on his face. "Okay. Here's the plan..."

~~~

Bruce hung angrily, unwillingly putting up with the two men desperately tying to take off his cowl. Too bad these idiots didn't know it was voice activated.

That's all he'd had to put up with so far, since he woke up here. He couldn't break his chains just yet, not with so many eyes on him. He was hanging from the ceiling, feet barely manging to touch the floor. His arms burned, but it could be worse, so he ignored it in favour of keeping up his guard.

"Boss" A male henchmen spoke, and Bruce couldn't stop the growl that left his lips as the recognition hit him. That was one of the disgusting men who he saw in that video Harley was sent. It made him feel angrily sick, hanging here without beating the shit out of everyone in this room. "You're gonna wanna see this" The henchmen said, turning something on the monitor behind Two-Face. 

"What?" Harvey spoke angrily, before his anger died down as the monitor filled up with a familiar face. "Jack" Bruce mumbled, staring at the screen with wide eyes.

Channel 8 had their broadcasting interrupted, it seemed, Joker hacking the channel from some sort of place. Joker seemed to have been half way through a sentence as the live channel was turned on, his voice filling the room. "-and next thing I knew, they were dead!" His laughter sounded so deadly, but Bruce knew better. He felt his shoulders relax. That laughter was so calculatedly malicious that Bruce just knew this was part of some plan of his.

"Anyway, sorry Gothamites, but I'm not here for just a friendly ol' chit chat! No, no, I have a bone to pick with a certain somebody!" Joker's grin stretched his cheeks painfully, but he continued to speak. "A certain Two-Face has something that belongs to me, and this clown doesn't appreciate it all too much!"

"Well, I'll trade ya! How about you return my darling possession, and you can get just what you've been craving?" Joker's grin stayed tauntingly in place, turning more malicious as his sentences dragged on.

"I'm at the old recording studio on main! I'm sure your beautifully hideous mug is a bit doubtful that I would just willingly give up my location, hm? So, to prove that this clown ain't no liar, I set up a tracking device on my person, seeee?" Joker held up a small tag that couldn't be mistaken as anything other than what he had said it was, attaching it to his suit with a deceptively giddy smile. 

"One of your henchmen, who I had a delightful time with the last time we saw eachother-" That part was spoken with venom, but his grin didn't falter, and Bruce wondered just what the plan was. "-would have been sent my coordinates, along with the footage of where I move. I promise I haven't got no tricks up my sleeve! This sad little clown just wants a simple, small trade. No tricks about it! Now, I'm a little impatient, but I'll wait as long as it takes for my favourite criminal!"

This time Joker's grin fell, replaced with a menacing smirk as his arms rose either side of his waist. "You want me, Harv? Well, come and get me bitch!"

With that, the broadcast ended, returning to the previous news report that was happening. That henchmen from before turned the channel off, turning towards Two-Face with a frown. "What's the plan, boss?"

"Well, if J wants a trade..." Harvey's voice was deeper now, calculating and pure evil. "...I guess we will have to give him one"