❧ matt sturniolo imagines ☙

thin, thin, thinner

hello!! i hope everyones had an awesome week :) this short was requested by the user @ ImHappierthaneverrr !!

for clarification, this story is heavily focused around an eating disorder. i've tried to write it in a point of view of someone that's struggling with one, so the perspective and internal dialogue is close to someone that's actually going through an ed. they think about things differently and it's an actual disorder, so they're going to find certain things threatening, even if those things are supposed to be helpful. eating disorders can also affect your loved ones and people that care for you, so it's difficult for everyone involved. please read this with that in mind!
i have personal experience on this topic, but its been a few years and i know that everyone experiences it differently, so please know that i am writing this from my understanding of what having this disorder is like. i am not trying to stereotype anything.

if this is something that might trigger you or you are easily influenced, then please click off! this is not included in my other stories, so feel free to read those instead. :)

love you guys SO SO much!!! i hope you all enjoy!
i promise i'll try to go for a more cute one next :)

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You shifted under the warm blanket that cradled your body on Matt's bed. You were cuddled up on your phone, scrolling through Pinterest. This had become your daily routine for the past two and a half months. Whenever Matt left the house, you'd found your way into his room and went on with your business in secrecy.

You were scrolling through posts and posts of beautiful women. Tan girls, pale girls, black girls, long-haired girls, girls with shaved heads, girls with too much makeup, girls with none. Regardless of what they looked like, they all had one thing in common: they were all skinny. And that was exactly what kept you coming back to these pictures. You wanted to be just like them. You wanted nothing more than to be thin.

You didn't notice the obsession you were developing with being small. You knew whatever you were doing to yourself wasn't healthy, but you'd never consider it out of hand. It wasn't anything anybody else seemed to be worried over, so why should you be? Every time people ate around you, your excuses always helped you weasel out of suspicion. Things like 'I ate earlier', or 'Oh, I'm not hungry right now', and even 'I'll eat later' seemed to work every time.

Nobody was batting an eye at the weight you were rapidly losing, so you were content with continuing skipping meals and counting calories.

You liked a post and saved it to a board titled 'Inspo', sighing and clicking on another recommended picture. The more seamless waists you saw, the more aware you were of the rolls that surrounded your stomach. You mindlessly poked and prodded at the skin on your thighs as you examined a girl's lengthy legs. You'd give anything to look like that.

Suddenly, a quick knock on the door caused you to jump a bit as you scrambled and turned off your phone. You looked and found Matt walking into the room, a small smile on his face. You grinned at him and cleared your throat. "Hey babe, you're home early, did you and the boys forget something?"

He quietly walked over to the bed and sat down next to you, a familiar expression settling on his face. He was deep in thought about something else and it was itching to come out of his mouth. You knew this look all too well.

"Nah, the guys stayed over at Nate's. They're gonna be there for a while so I just came on home." He smiled softly and shuffled closer to you, taking your hands in his and caressing your palms with his thumbs. "Missed my girl."

You felt your cheeks warm up and you smiled. "I missed you, too." You spoke quietly, letting silence fill in after you as you sat up and wrapped your arms around his waist and pulled him closer. His fingers went through your hair and you heard a small sigh leave his lips after you placed a gentle kiss on his collar bone.