Heathers AU (SASI)

ACT 2

Scene 1

Virgil was sat in a church by thmwo caskets all alone. He was once again writing in his diary. 

"Dear Diary:
I'm going steady.
Mostly he's awesome,
If a bit too rock and roll.
Lately he's bumped off,
Three of my classmates.
God have mercy on my soul.
They were just seventeen.
They still had room to grow.
They could've turned out good.
But now we'll never know." 

Just then, Janus walks in and jokes about "There's been a lack of boys climbing through my bedroom window lately." Virgil glares at him "take a hint". Janus puts his hand up in self defence "Okay. You're mad, I get it."  Virgil slams his diary shut and glares at him "No, I don't think you do. "Ich Luge bullets"? You lied to me."  Janus rolls his eyes "You were lying to yourself. You wanted them dead too." 

"Did not!" 

"Did too." 

"Did not!":

"Did too!" 

"Did not!"

"Hey! Did they make you cry?" Janus said stopping the pretty argurnent. Vkrgil nods so Janus continued "Can they make you cry now?". Virgil shakes his head "No, but you can." Janus sits down next to Virgil "Just wait 'till you see the good that comes of this." Virgil gives him the look "No good could possibly come of this." Janus shrugs "Call me an optimist.". Virgil sighs and opens his diary again "Dear Diary: My teenage bullshit has a body count.". He then puts it away as peopls come in and sit down anoucing the funeral is about to happen. 

Remy's dad, Paul, stands up and the stand to do a speach "I don't really know what I'm supposed to say up here. I'm ashamed, certainly. My boy has turned our family into a laughing stock. My boy Remy isn't who I thought he was, and when I think of the sick, disgusting things Remy and Remus were doing" but bill, Remus's dad, storms over to him "You wait just a minute, Paul! It is ignorant, hateful talk like yours and your family that makes this world a place our boys could not live in! They were not dirty! They were not wrong! They were two lonely verses, In the Lord's great song!"  Paul glares at Bill "Our boys were pansies, Bill!" Bill nods and starts singing 

"My boy's a homosexual,
And that don't scare me none.
I want the world to know...
I love my dead gay son!" 

"I've been thinking, praying. Reading some magazines. And it's time we opened our eyes!" Bill tells everyone.

"Well, the good Lord made the universe,
The Lord created man.
And I believe it's all a part of his gigantic plan.
I know God has a reason,
For each mountain and each flower.
And why he chose to let our boys get busy in the shower!
They were not dirty!
They were not fruits!
They were just two stray laces in the Lord's big boots.
Well, I never cared for homos much until I reared me one
But now I've learned to love…
I love my dead gay son!" 

"He loves his son.
He loves his son.
His dead gay son!"

Paul tries to leave but Bill follows him. 

"Now, I say my boy's in heaven,
And he's tanning by the pool!
The cherubim walk with him and him,
And Jesus says “It's cool!”.
They don't have crime or hatred, there's no bigotry or cursin',
Just friendly fellows dressed up like their favorite village person!
They were not dirty!
They just had flair!
They were two bright red ribbons in the Lord's long hair!
Well, I used to see a homo and go reachin' for my gun,
 But now I've learned to love…" 

Paul tries to leave again. 

"And furthermore!
These boys were brave as hell!
These boys, they know damn well!
Those folks would judge 'em, they were desperate to be free!
They took a rebel stance, stripped to their underpants!
Paul, I can't believe that you,
Still refuse to get a clue!
After all that we've been through,
I'm talking you and me!
In the summer of '83!" 

The room gasps. 

Paul stops just by the exit and looks back at Bill. There is a moment of silence. "That was one hell of a fishing trip." Paul walks back to Bill and starts singing with him. 

"They were not dirty­ whoa­oh!
And not perverse­ no, no!
They were just two stray rhinestones,
On the Lord's big purse!
Our job is now continuing the work that they begun!
'Cause now we love, love, love…
We love our dead" 

"They're up there disco dancing to the thump of angel wings."

'They grab a mate," 

"And roller skate," 

"While Judy Garland sings!"

"They live a playful afterlife that's fancy, free, and reckless!"

"They swing up on the pearly gates,"

"And wear a pearly necklace!" 

"They were not dirty!
They were good men
And now they're happy bear cubs in the Lord's big den!

Go forth and love each other now,
Like our boys would have done.
We'll teach the world to love
The world to love…
The world to love…
I love my dead gay son!
Not half bad, your dead gay son!
My son!
Dead! Gay! Son!"