𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐈𝐧 𝐑𝐞𝐝 ● 𝐉𝐉𝐊

• 29 • la fille en rouge

you're here, there's nothing I fear
and I know that my heart will go on
we'll stay forever this way
you are safe in my heart
and my heart will go on and on

—céline dion

●●●

The weight of snow in your hands wasn't extravagant. As you kept adding more, it kept getting heavier.

Much like pain carried over the years. The more you carry pain, it becomes heavier. Weighs you down. Will settle like cobble stones on your fragile heart until all you know is sorrow and nothing else. Nothing else lasts.

At this moment, you wanted to revere in your pain.

Great things have come from pain. Historically.

Your butt was numb. Freezing chilled snow was carpeted below, the situation was way past frost bite. You were barely paying attention to it.

Like the branches of trees, your thoughts had bare truths. When had things gone wrong?

Jungkook wasn't a man to just vanish into thin air. He loved teaching. The love for art he carried in his heart might be even more than you, it was second nature. Not that love ever has amount. Propagating art was another thing he loved. Nothing made sense.

How could he just leave? Leave you?

His work ethic was diabolical on his end, but he had persevered the standard he had set for himself.

If he had blatantly left you to this world, abandoned you in this hot mess, there had to be a reason. Gut instinct told you that it wasn't because he had used your body and had run away now. Of course not! Something had went wrong.

You didn't even have his contact on your phone, which made things more burdensome. Every chance at retrieving it was met with failure. Man, dammit, you didn't even learn it. Who learns phone numbers in this age anyway? You couldn't get it from the school registry, it had been taken out.

He was definitely no longer part of this organisation.

Quitting was out of his nature. There was loyalty scribbled on his love letters. He could break down the world for you, he had promised. He had promised himself to you. Why was there no remnant?

Yet you held too much hope to think he had betrayed you to loneliness. A strong current of wind rustled past your hair. Despite the layers on you of padded jackets, you shivered. The wind travelled to mystifying places. Had seen the world. Can it take you to him?

Tips of ears were chilled till the point of falling off. Your nose was tulle pink. Staring into the distance, you let yourself feel. Feel everything you were going through at once. When you had such intense ricocheting thought parades, you allowed yourself to be humbled and sat with their weight.

Didn't matter if there were answers or conclusions, you let go of reason. Because humans need to feel emotions as much as bear cold logic. There was nowhere to vent. But you had known to hush storms inside you for a longer period.

Your art pieces came out painful. Defected but beautifully defected, Mr. Brown told you.

Sitting under the same tree on the same hill where you talked with Taehyung for the first time, your thoughts casually dipped in his direction too. He seemed way off. It was hard to say if he was avoiding you or trying to focus on studies. You hoped for the latter.

When you found out Jungkook had left the school, you nearly had a panic attack. You ran out from the art class with dizzying probabilities running through your mind. A leash tightened on your neck, the urge to puke also dragged on.