sweet like honey | bonten x reader

74: what?

a/n: wow an important chapter :')

the drive back with kakucho was silent.

usually, silence between you two was fine, but this was suffocating. there was so much left unsaid, and neither of you were sure of how to approach the subject.

not that you really felt up for talking to him yet anyway, but still.

"y/n?" he finally decided to ask, glancing over to see you deliberately looking out the window.

"hmm?" you hummed in question.

"why didn't you ask for our help? you could have come talked to me." he asked, his tone full of worry.

you turned to give him a look of disbelief, silently giving him another chance to repeat what he just said.

"what?"

kakucho caught your facial expression out of the corner of his eye but kept his gaze on the road.

"i only mean we could have figured it out together. you didn't need to do it alone." he said quickly.

he probably had only good intentions with that comment, but it pissed you off.

"what the fuck are you saying? together? you wouldn't even tell me what was happening." you scoffed.

"y/n -" he started with a sigh, but you cut him off.

"don't even start with me, kakucho. why do you tell me you like me and that you care about me only to create distance between us? how was i supposed to feel anything but alone?" you asked, your voice cracking as tears welled up in your eyes.

kakucho had the feeling you weren't done talking, so he remained quiet.

"i didn't know for certain if you guys were involved or if you recognized me in those pictures. i couldn't rely on you guys, let alone you, so why would i ever ask for your help?"

you tried wiping the tears away from your eyes, but they just kept coming. there was too much that happened that day, and having no time to really process any of it, you reached your breaking point.

this is fucking embarrassing, you thought as you tried to stifle your sniffles with no luck.

hearing you sniffling, kakucho looked over at you and became alarmed that you were crying. he immediately pulled over to the side of the road, and when he fully looked at you, his heart broke.

the hurt and exhaustion was evident on your face, tears running down your cheeks. your hands were balled into fists on your lap.

he quickly realized that he was only making the situation worse and reached over to pull your face into his hands. his thumbs brushed against your tearstained cheeks, the pads of his fingers getting wet.

"y/n, i'm so sorry." he started. "i was only thinking of myself. now and with everything that happened."

"w-what do you mean?" you asked, your lower lip trembling as you spoke.

"i wanted to protect you. we found all those files and boxes that were in mikey's office at the rival gang's headquarters. based on the content, it was pretty clear it wasn't their leader. sanzu thought whoever it was might have seen you when they kidnapped you, so we were trying to find him." kakucho said. "i thought i was protecting you by not telling you what was going on. i didn't want you to worry over something that wasn't your fault."

"but am i really that weak that you felt like you couldn't tell me?"

kakucho's heterochromatic eyes turned sad as he realized how you must have felt. the silent burden you had to bear all this time and the feeling of uncertainty and betrayal when you found out the truth.