Journey

Chapter 31

Late June 2029 (Part 1)

Lisa has good days sometimes.

Well, not good days. Calling them "good days" would be a stretch.

Lisa has good days sometimes.

Lisa has days that are less than terrible sometimes. Days where she doesn't leave before Jennie wakes up or when she doesn't come back after everyone is asleep. Days where she ventures into the dining room when everyone is sitting at the table having breakfast or dinner and joins them. Or days where she'll sit in the living room while the kids are either watching TV or on their computers. There are days where even though she doesn't say much, if anything at all, she's as present as she can be. Those days are few and far between, but they exist.

During some of these not completely awful days Jennie has been known to catch the corner of Lisa's lips rise ever so slightly when Roa does something funny or when Rose says something silly. It's too subtle to be called a smile and only Jennie would ever notice it happening. 

Only Jennie would detect something that is barely there and that doesn't last more than a second before Lisa realizes what she's doing and the emptiness takes hold anew. Jennie loves to see even flashes of the old Lisa because she can feel her chest lighting up afire when she does. Jennie hates to see Lisa chastise herself for giving herself a moment of respite, but those small instances give Jennie hope that maybe she can still get Lisa back. It lets Jennie know the girl she fell in love with twenty years ago is still in there somewhere. Those days make Jennie keep the promise she made to herself that she is going to do whatever she needs to in order to make her wife heal.

Lately Lisa felt... lighter. Jennie couldn't really explain what it was, but "lighter" was the best way she could find to describe it. Everything was exactly the same as before, but after the events that unfolded almost two weeks ago during the dinner they hosted to commemorate Jake on the first anniversary of his death, Lisa didn't feel as weighed down. Maybe it was the fact that she wasn't the only one carrying what happened the night of the shooting any longer. Maybe it was the fact that they both had a moment to grieve their son together. Maybe it was the fact that they had slept in each other's arms for the first time since Jake died. Jennie couldn't figure it out, but whatever it was, it had Lisa sitting at either the breakfast or dinner table three times this week. Jennie and the girls could consider themselves lucky if they saw Lisa more than a few minutes in an entire week, but they've shared a meal with her at least being physically there more times this week alone than they've had in certain months. Jennie's hope for their future as a family unit is slowly but surely being renewed.

They're all sitting at breakfast now. The girls are off school for the summer, but they're still up early since they're heading out for a few weeks of summer camp later today. Jennie enrolled all three of them in a sleep away camp at the Adirondack Mountains in order to keep them busy and distracted for at least part of their break. Jennie would be lying if she said she didn't also want them away from the house and Lisa for a little while. She thought it would do the girls good to have time away from the city and, frankly, the arguing. Jennie believed Costia and Lisa could use the time away from each other and that the two younger ones could use the diversion. On top of all that, Jennie wanted alone time with Lisa. Maybe having a stretch of time where it is just the two of them is what they needed to finally find their way back after the year they've had.

The table is mostly quiet. Costia never says much if Lisa is there and in turn the younger ones usually don't talk either. Jennie has her eyes on Lisa while she pushes her food around the plate.

It worries Jennie how much weight Lisa has lost since Jake died. Lisa skips most meals and when she doesn't she barely eats. Jennie doesn't see her enough to try and remedy the situation. Jennie was about to ask Lisa if she wanted her to make something else that she might enjoy more than the eggs and pancakes she cooked, but eight year old Roa speaks before she can.