Muted // Felix-centric

Chapter 5

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"Mummy, what's wrong with Daddy?" the little boy asks his mother, but the mother doesn't know how to answer her son. He's only four years old and yet he notices things like that. A mother should protect her child from everything bad in the world and always be there for him, but she didn't manage to protect her son. She left her own son hanging and doesn't know what else she can do to protect him. "Daddy is just a little tired from work, darling. We'll let him rest a bit and then we can play with Daddy. How does that sound?" the mother asks to distract her son from his observations. "Okay Mummy. Can we get started then?" the boy asks with his familiar wide smile that makes even the sun look weak. "Of course, baby. I'll just go get something quickly. You can wash your hands and choose a game, okay?" the mother asks and the little boy immediately runs off to go to the bathroom. The mother looks at her son with a sad look and then disappears into the kitchen. When she reaches the kitchen, she falls to the floor and leans against the kitchen counter. She pulls her legs to her chest and puts her face in her hands. And then the whole room is filled with sobs. She cries. .. She cries terribly much and her heart hurts. She hates not being able to be strong enough for her son. She hates that these dark thoughts plague her and she can't do anything about them. She hates sitting here on the cold kitchen floor and crying like a miserable baby. She wants to be strong... for her son, but how much longer can she endure this pain? How much longer can she last without falling to the cold ground, closing her eyes and letting go to be enveloped in a dark calm? Peace... The word sounds so beautiful and liberating...

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'Peace... such a great word,' Felix thinks to himself as he looks at his picture, which looks like the complete opposite of peace. There is so much hectic, panic and stress in this picture, even though there were only a few brush strokes so far and yet these individual strokes are enough to reflect Felix's inner chaos. “Felix?” he suddenly hears a gentle person say next to him. It was Jeongin looking at Felix worriedly. How Felix hates these looks. Nobody looked at him like that when he was still talking. Nobody looked at him like that or listened to him back then, but now he only sees the worried looks. “Are you okay?” Jeongin continues to ask. Felix just nods and then looks at the clock. It's a break, which means he's about to meet the others. "Are you sure? You can talk to us... or well, write to us," Jeongin says and Felix appreciates his efforts, but he just shakes his head. He will never open up to them. "Okay, then come on. Hyunjin has already gone first," Jeongin says and holds out his hand for Felix, but Felix ignores his hand and just walks out.

As he stands outside, he briefly considers just going to the roof, but before he can even take a step in the other direction, Jeongin grabs his shoulder. Felix immediately flinches and Jeongin immediately takes his hand away. Felix feels bad for reacting like that, but Jeongin doesn't show anything, just gives Felix a smile. “Come on Felix, this way,” says Jeongin, who sees the need to escape in Felix’s eyes, but also knows that Felix shouldn’t be alone. Jeongin doesn't know what exactly it is, but Felix has this look in his eyes that reflects loneliness and fear, even though you can't actually see Felix's eyes. But it's not just Felix's eyes that reflect this sadness, but also his posture and appearance. Anyone who can't see that is blind and anyone who doesn't want to see it must be a heartless asshole-
"Jeongin? Felix? Where are you?" Hyunjin suddenly calls out, running down the hallway.

"Um... Yes, we're coming," Jeongin tears himself out of his thoughts and then follows Felix, who is already walking towards Hyunjin with sluggish steps. Hyunjin waits for his two friends with a smile. When the two reach Hyunjin, they leave together into the cafeteria, where a happy Jisung is already waiting for them. "Felix, I'm so glad you came. I thought you were going to run away again or something," Jisung says with an innocent laugh, but deep inside Felix's heart is burning. He feels bad, even though he doesn't even really know the boys. Felix can't even give him an apologetic smile , since he wouldn't see anything anyway, so he just sits down next to Jisung. The boy is of course very happy and reacts without thinking too much and just takes Felix in his arms. Felix of course stiffens immediately and Jisung notices this, but just loosens his hug .