Muted // Felix-centric

Chapter 33

WARNING!!!!

This chapter could feel heavy for a few readers, so please be warned...

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ᴏɴᴇ sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ғᴇᴀʀ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ, ʙᴜᴛ ʀᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴏɴᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ʙᴇɢɪɴ ᴛᴏ ʟɪᴠᴇ!

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This sentence has been bothering Felix ever since Wooyoung said it to Felix.
The reason for this was because Wooyoung is the reason Felix is ​​even alive.

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It was over a year ago...
Felix was again at a point where he just wanted to give up and finally be free. His father... he had touched him again... and he didn't mean in the brutal sense, but in the sexual sense. It didn't happen often... in fact, almost never. Since the first time, only two more times and that was only because he kept mistaking Felix for Jessica. His father was definitely drunk in those moments.
His father didn't get far, luckily for Felix, but the boy was still lying naked in his bed and his father knocked out next to him. At first Felix couldn't believe what was happening and couldn't move, but when the truth hit him like an ice-cold shower, the boy jumped out of bed and fled the house.

He felt sick. He was so sick that he leaned against the bridge and had to vomit before he could look around and realize that he was standing on the Mapo Bridge. The bridge was also known as the 'Suicide Bridge' or 'The Bridge of Death'.
'Not a good place for a mental breakdown', Felix could only think to himself at that moment and laughed.
There was no one there...
It would be so easy...
It would happen so quickly...
Nobody would notice anything...
Nobody would miss him...
Nobody would save him...
At that moment, Felix was already sitting on the site, his legs swung over the site and holding on to the site with one hand while trying to reach for the stars with the other.

Felix was sure that his mother was waiting for him up there in the stars. She is waiting for her son to follow her and for them to be reunited.
Felix stands up. His legs are shaking. Just one slip and Felix falls down. But that's what he wants, isn't it? He finally wants to be free. Free as a bird.
Felix doesn't like birds.
They always chirp so loudly in the morning and always seem so happy.
They stand for the freedom... that Felix would like so much.
They stand for inner clarity... which Felix misses so much.
They stand for free thoughts...
His thoughts are free, but they are too free. They often run away from him and leave Felix alone in the emptiness and darkness.

Life isn't fair... it never was.
So why should things ever look different for the boy.
Felix got ready. He was ready to say goodbye to life, but life didn't seem to want to let him go yet.
Just as Felix was about to stand upright, someone grabbed his arm and pulled him down from the area. The boy landed hard on the ground with a force and hit his chin on the ground. He felt the blood running down his neck, but he was more focused on his 'savior'.
"Wooyoung?" Felix asked, looking at the boy with wide eyes. Wooyoung seemed fine. Just a little off track.

"OMG Felix, what are you doing?" the boy asked, shocked. He couldn't believe it when he went for a walk and saw Felix, his friend, standing on the bridge.
"I... I um.... I just wanted to..." Felix couldn't explain it, but that was enough answer for Wooyoung. Wooyoung knew how much Felix loved hugs, so he threw his arms around Felix and hugged him tightly. Of course, Felix immediately put his head on his friend's shoulder and cried.
"Everything will be okay. I promise you. I will always be there for you. Just don't forget that you should not fear death, but rather that you you will not begin to live" said Wooyoung and Felix actually understood what his friend was saying wanted.

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That day changed everything in Felix's life. 2 weeks later, Wooyoung didn't want to have anything to do with Felix anymore and another 2 weeks passed until Felix stopped speaking. Wooyoung never kept his promise, but the sentence is burned into Felix's head.
Felix never tried to kill himself again after that, even though the idea sounded very tempting several times. But he was too afraid to make a hasty decision. What if he's just not ready to die yet? After all, he had tried twice and both times he wasn't ready to dir. But all good things come in threes, right? Felix immediately shakes the thought away.

Felix is ​​currently standing on the school roof. Right where Jinyoung jumped to his death. The school doesn't seem to want to think about this tragedy as they have done nothing to prevent further suicide attempts. Access to the school roof was not blocked and the outer wall was not raised higher. If you wanted to, you could just do it... Felix sits down on the wall... right where Jinyoung was standing... and dangles his legs in the air. When Felix thinks about his suicide attempts, an image immediately comes to mind. At the first attempt, he wanted to imitate his mother. And the second, his best friend. How will his third one end?

No, Felix doesn't want to kill himself anymore. He is happy now. He has Jisung and Minho. He has Chan and Changbin. And Hyunjin, Seungmin and Jeongin.
'Please don't make me regret my decision...'
Felix thinks of his mother. How she made him suffer while she built a new life... with another child that she wanted. Felix is ​​not a person who carries a lot of hate, but he feels a spark of hatred and jealousy towards his unknown sibling. He knows that he should hate his mother, but he still can't do anything about his feelings.

But he also feels some anger towards Wooyoung. Whoever had told him lies about Felix must have apparently been more important to him that Wooyoung simply believed him instead of speaking clearly to Felix about it. Felix just doesn’t understand what Jinyoung has to do with it. Wooyoung didn’t know Jinyoung. And there was never a problem between Jinyoung and Felix. What kind of rumors were those that tore his friendships apart from one day to the next?

But his relationship with his father also became worse and worse. What he hadn't understood until today. Things got particularly bad after Olivia's mother left his father. Now in retrospect, Felix thinks it was only fair, because his father finally knew what it felt like when you lost someone important to you. Felix is ​​sure that his father no longer loved his mother. Otherwise he wouldn't have cheated on her, would he? Or he could have fight for her. Felix found out about it when he was four and his mother left him three years later. His father had three years to put everything back together, but instead he pushed his mother so far that she killed herself... ran away.

But in the whole picture, he feels most sorry for Olivia. She was born into a messed up family and then was kidnapped by her father. She will never see her older brother again and will probably never know the truth of her family. But maybe that's a good thing. He doesn't even want to imagine how his father would react if he found out that Jessica was still alive and had been hiding from him and her son for the last 10 years. Felix looks at his phone and notices that it's already 4 p.m. He climbed down from the wall and made his way home. Felix should finally look ahead. Maybe a restart won't hurt...

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Now we finally know more about Wooyoung.

But what do you think about Felix' 'bad luck'? Is it just 'bad luck' or is there someone who hates him?  Or maybe it was all just the plan of a certain someone... or a certain group...

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it!