Muted // Felix-centric

Chapter 8

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Felix ran through the rain with tears in his eyes. He just wanted to get home as quickly as possible, even though he could hardly stand the house. But he just didn't feel safe with the others anymore.
It was like a sudden storm of emotions that overcame Felix. No one could have warn him about this storm, let alone save him. It was all good. They were all so nice to him and helped him. Felix felt like a normal boy again for the first time in days. He had other people around him who laughed with him, looked after him and didn't think he was crazy. For the first time he wasn't afraid of coming home to a beating. He could be himself for the first time in years... more or less.

So why is he running home in a rainstorm without having his bag with him or any idea where he is? Why couldn't he just be normal and enjoy the togetherness? Why did it feel so wrong to be with the others?
It was like a feeling of shame and guilt that washed over him. As if he didn't deserve this little bit of normality he felt with the boys.
They were so incredibly kind to Felix and had no ulterior motives. They gave Felix a sense of family and yet he runs away.

Felix no longer understands his feelings. One second he's letting the stranger boys see every wound on his body and the next he's just running out of the house when they were all sitting in the living room and Felix was going to get a glass of water from the kitchen. But when Felix was standing in the kitchen, he suddenly saw his father again, waiting for him at home. Suddenly the familiar feeling of fear and pain came over Felix again and any joy he had felt before was washed away. Felix's head just screamed that he had to go home. He has to go to his sister and protect her. He had to take care of his father because he had drunk too much again.

But after Felix ran for a while, he stopped abruptly and just stared ahead.
'They are no longer there...'. said a voice in his head. They are right. His father and sister are gone. There is no one at home. Nobody is waiting for him. Felix won't run into a fist when he walks through his family's front door. He won't find a sister in the room next to his who he can kiss goodnight. Felix is ​​alone and he has just left the only people who were still interested in him. Once again Felix has lost the only happiness in his life.
'Why are you so stupid...' the voice continues to sigh.

Felix isn't crazy or anything. The silence that surrounded him every day suddenly made him hear this voice. They are not evil or manipulative. They only tell him his deepest and most honest thoughts. Still, these words hurt. Because they correspond to the truth.
It was stupid of him to just escape the house and run to a house that was just cold and empty anyway.
And so Felix finds himself walking alone and completely soaked through the ongoing rain shower. His feet have long since forgotten the destination and his head still screams at him how stupid he is while his heart mourns for his sister and his new friends.

Felix knows that he will most likely never see Olivia again. He doesn't even know where she is, but what about the boys? Will they understand? Or will they leave Felix alone because they have finally realized what a freak Felix is?
Felix just walks through the rain with his head hanging low and feels the cold beads running down his neck and rolling under his shirt.
How the rain completely wets the once dry clothes and makes the boy freeze.
Felix doesn't know what time it is or where he is. All he knows is that it was already dark when he stormed out of Minho's house and that he's now walking on a main road that leads to nowhere.

Right now Felix is ​​such easy prey for any psychopath. He is not quite with himself, confused and lost. The perfect prey for a predator.
But even a psychopath wouldn't want a malnourished weakling like Felix. Felix would probably black out at the first touch and never wake up again. Because that's how Felix feels right now. Dead...
'Are you even still alive?' Felix doesn't know. He might as well be dead on the side of the road, wandering around as a ghost and not notice it.
'What's wrong with you?' Felix has been wondering this for years, but he has never gotten an answer.

Felix really had hope of finally finding friends and escaping his father's clutches. But less than an hour with his new friends and in the next second a a phantom of his father follows him and destroys his entire life again.
Felix regrets never speaking his mind to his father and holding him accountable for all his actions, but now he will never have the chance. His father is miles away and living the life he always wanted... without Felix... and without Mum...
And Felix...? He dies... alone... and unloved....

Felix gives up running. He doesn't know where he is and his legs hurt. His chest hurts, but he's not sure if it's from lack of air or from sadness.
He's so tired... he just wants to sleep.
'You are not allowed to sleep!' the voice shouts at him and he knows that they're right, but just closing his eyes for a moment wouldn't hurt him, would it?

Just lie down for a moment... it's wet... and cold.

Close your eyes... it's wet... and cold.

Welcome the darkness... it's wet... and cold.

Enjoy the silence... it's dry... and warm...

"FELIX!"

Another Friday, another Chapter!

This Chapter is not my best work, but it is important or the following chapters.

I hope you enjoyed that little self-pity ride.

See you next Friday!

~chichi