Marvel One shots (Teen/Platonic)

Bucky Barnes x Platonic reader- No sleep

Y/n opens up and Bucky is worried for her
TW: suicidal thoughts

'You were never trustworthy'
'You are a burden to us'
'Why don't you use your brain?'
'When will you stop being childish?'
'If we die, it's on you!',
The thoughts couldn't stop. Y/n kept on having millions of thoughts, some cussing her out, some telling her to end it and die.

She shot up in bed. Her eyes were red but she was wide awake. She stepped down and went straight to the kitchen. She quickly made herself some tea and took it with herself to the library. Y/n had a habit of distracting herself through reading so that's where she went.

She placed her tea on the nearby table and proceeded to pick an encyclopaedia. She knew that if she read a novel or a poetry book, she would get relatable thoughts which for now she was trying to avoid. 'The encyclopedia of dinasours' was her choice.

She sat on the couch and started reading while sipping on the hot tea. "What are you doing?", a voice boomed from the shelf in front of her. It was Bucky. He was leaning on the shelf with a book in his vibranium hand, frowning. Was he reading too?

"I'm reading", Y/n replied by deliberately flipping the pages to show him. "I can see that, but why are you up at this hour?", he asked as he folded his arms in demand. "Why are you up at this hour?", she asked back and continued sipping on her tea.

"It's literally 3 in the morning...and I asked first ", Bucky spoke and sat next to her. He pretended to read the encyclopaedia by giving shocking expressions and nodded at the pictures in the book. "You're disturbing me, what do you want?", Y/n asked by closing the book.

"Just tell me what is up with you? Can't sleep? Nightmare? What is it?", Bucky concerned. He stayed quiet and waited for Y/n to answer to which she sighed. "I'm having trouble sleeping almost every night...the thoughts aren't stopping", she spoke and took another sip.

Bucky frowned and shifted nearer to Y/n. "What kind of thoughts?", he asked. Y/n gave him a look but continued. "It's just thoughts about killing myself and things. They're probably right, I should", Y/n expressed and opened the book.

Bucky felt disbelief by what she said. His expression changed from little concern to severe worry. "What? No, no Y/n. Don't say that", he pleaded as he moved even closer and continued, "You really think you're better off dead. You are so wrong. Don't ever think of doing that".

Bucky wrapped his arm around her as if she was going to fade right away. Y/n kept her head in the book and huffed. "If you only knew", she whispered under her breath but he heard it. "What do you mean?", he questioned as his eyes searched for hers.

"I can't tell you everything Bucky", she answered and flipped a page. "So you're putting a hole in our friendship...", he shook his head and went on, "I thought you trusted me, I thought we were good friends... and you're hiding things now".

Y/n gulped and looked up. Her eyes were red because of the lack of sleep. "Bucky, I still trust you but I don't want to make you sad because of my problems. I don't want to be a burden", Y/n explained. "You're not a burden Y/n and your problem is also my problem", Bucky assured.

"Now..tell me. What is it?", he wanted answers. He wanted to know what was wrong because he cared. Y/n took a deep breath and spoke, "I have tried to kill myself a lot of times but... never got anywhere. I still feel that way but somehow it seems like it won't stop because my brain is always crowded with those thoughts".

Bucky slowly embraced Y/n and started rubbing her back. "Y/n...I wasn't aware that you were facing this. I promise that I will get you out of this", he said in her hair as he didn't let go. She shut her eyes tight and tried to keep the thoughts from coming back.

After a while he left the embrace and took her shoulders, "Have you met any psychiatrists?", he wondered. "Are you on medication?", he asked again. Y/n smiled, "Yes I have a psychiatrist and yes I am on medication too. I hope it makes a difference because the last one didn't".

"Do you know if there is any reason behind this?", Bucky asked as if he had the questionnaire ready. "Yeah I think. I've never actually loved myself. And I have a history of bullying and a toxic family", Y/n answered without hesitation. Bucky was really her good friend.

He nodded and let her go. For a moment he thought about something and asked again, "Are you ok right now?". "Kind of. I came here to distract myself and you popped up", she made a duck face and it made him smile. "You didn't answer my question though, what are you doing here?", she asked.

"I uh... couldn't sleep. As a super soldier I don't need much anyway so I come by to read sometimes. And it's not encyclopaedias that I read", he smiled. "What do you read then?", Y/n inquired more. "Novels", he replied.

Y/n raised her eyebrows and opened her book again. "You should try encyclopedias, they're really knowledgeable you know", she stated and flipped another page. "You're not going to sleep?", he asked as he stared at her.

"I've just started Bucky...", she exhaled and continued reading. "You need sleep Y/n, look at you. Your eyes are red", he boomed back. He snatched her book away and kept it aside as he knew she wasn't going to listen. He took her hand and dragged her out, taking her mug on the way.

"Bucky I-", "You're going to bed. Don't say anything and just go to bed", Bucky cut her off. He pulled her to her room and opened the door. He instantly made her lie down and tucked her in. "If you don't sleep right now, I won't talk to you ever again", he warned and gave her a forehead kiss.

"Ok", Y/n answered. She had to agree on this, he was one of her closest friends and didn't want to live in silence because it was just him who she was comfortable with. Bucky stayed there and brushed her head to try and make her sleep and surprisingly she did. So he silently stood up and took one last look before leaving, "Night Y/n".