her point of view ; sam kerr

chap twenty one

her point of view

She looks up at me, her eyes filled with guilt.
I almost want to ask where her girlfriend is,
but decide to restrain the passive aggressiveness.

" What're you doing here?" I ask.
" How'd you even find my place?".

Eyeing her up and down, I'm able to get a better look at her this time.
Letting my eyes linger over her tattoo, dropping my gaze to her hand.

She holds a quarter drunk bottle of rum, probably why I can smell it so strong on her breath.

" I called Steph, accidentally woke her up.
Figured since you two spend so much time together at Arsenal, she'd know".

" It's three in the morning".

" I couldn't sleep" She says.

I just nod, staring down at the liquor bottle in her hand.
She'd never acted like this around me before, not like this.

She places a foot up, on the step to the door, leaning forwards into me.
Our faces a few inches apart,
the harsh smell of rum now invading my nose.

" You shouldn't be here Sam".

" You don't want me here?" She says.

Her voice almost cracks, I'd give anything to reassure her.
But it's wrong.

" You've got a Girlfriend now, it's not about what I want".

" Well, I want you" She says.

Taking a step away from her, I drop my eyes to the floor.
I think I get away with hiding my blushed cheeks,
but her slight chuckle tells me otherwise.

" Sam, You're drunk" I glance back up at her.

" So? Why'd you leave?" She asks.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I manage to shrug.

" Your girlfriend was being insanely rude, don't you-"

"- I mean back in Australia. Did I do something?"

Her sorrowful eyes has my heart melting to the floor.
Has she been walking around all this time, thinking she'd done something?

" No, Sam. Shit" I sigh, reaching out for her.

I wrap my arms around the back of her, pulling her into my chest.
Her hands snake around my waist, letting out a breath, I was unaware I was even holding in.

" I'm so sorry I left the way I did" I say.
" Thought it was for the better".

She half laughs, the both of us slowly pulling away.

" Better for who?".

I just nod, now seeing the unnecessary harm I caused us both.

" I'm sorry, for my behaviour before. I just got so angry in the end" She says.

" It's fine. You probably have the right to be angry".

She shakes her head, gently taking my hand in hers.
I glance up to meet her soft stare, letting my eyes linger on her lips, mentally slapping myself.

" I'm not angry at you. Could never be angry at you" She sighs.
" I'm just angry at what happened, I think we deserved a bit more than that".

Beginning to chew at my bottom lip, I wonder if she's just drunk babbling or actually means it.
Is it wrong to stand here and talk to her?

" Do you want some water? Or a tea maybe?".

Her lips pull to the side, having my knees feel like they'll give way.
She nods, following me through the front door, shutting the door behind us.

I walk to the kitchen, expecting her to follow.
But she takes her time walking through the living room, eyes exploring the place.

I'm about to tell her to take a seat when she plonks down on the lounge, placing a pillow on her lap.

" Your place is always so beautiful" She says.

Laughing, I turn the kettle on, placing a tea bag in each mug.
" Must be the libra in me".

She cocks her head towards me, furrowing her brows with an amused grin.

" What star sign am I?".

" Um, Virgo. I think" I say.

Looking away from her, I actually am 100% sure she's a virgo.
Taking the boiled kettle, I pour both mugs evenly.

Placing it back down, grabbing the mugs and walking into the living room.

She sits up, moving her phone off the coffee table.
Placing the mugs down, I sit at the end of the lounge, keeping a safe distance between us.

" What have you been doing then? The past few months?" She asks.

Taking a sip, I almost burn my tongue.

" Not much. I'm afraid my life's not very interesting".

" It is if i'm interested" She keeps her eyes on mine, taking the mug between her palms.

I'm hoping she'll sober up enough to realise her drunk choice to come here.
I hope she doesn't hate me for not sending her straight home.

" Well, I don't know. I've been hanging out with Steph and Caitlin heaps, they're a lot of fun".

If I were being honest,
Hanging around those two were the closest I'd felt to Sam since leaving, in a way it's comforting.

" Yeah?" She smiles as if to carry me on.

" Training, games, gym. You know?".

She just nods, taking a small sip from her mug, placing it down on the coffee table.

" So how'd you meet Taylor, does she play too?" I ask.

I'm not sure if I really want to know the answer but, I am curious.

She shakes her head, crossing her arms over her chest.

" Do we really want to talk about this?".

I nod.
Not really, but go on.

" It was just on a night out, I don't remember much. Woke up and she was making breakfast, then it just continued I guess" She says.

All I can do is nod, taking a few more sips before setting the mug down next to hers.

" What about you?" She asks.

"Hm?"

" Are you seeing anyone?" Her eyes flick away, as if she's mentally flinching.

" No, not at the moment" I reply.

I did try.
A few weeks after moving here, on a night out.

She was tall and had tattoos up her arm,
I thought I could force myself to be into it, and we did end up making out but, that was it.

I had to excuse myself to go throw up outside.
I wasn't even drunk enough to be sick.

" I missed you" She cuts me out of my thoughts.

" Oh? I missed you too".

She relaxes into the lounge, her eyes hanging half open.
She rubs them with the bottom of her palms, glancing at me with a dazed expression.

" Is it okay if I stay? I'll leave first thing in the morning".

I nod, " Always".