It was impossible to tell if the doctors wanted to talk to me, because of the noise of the body scanning machine, but I felt happy that they could not. The noise and the glass pane out weighed any social obligation I had to talk with them. This gave me an opportunity to collect myself. I thought to myself, I cannot believe I took vacation days to almost have myself and my family blown up. On top of that I paid top dollar for this fiasco. I knew it was not even necessary for me to declare to myself that I could not allow this slight pass without retribution. Despite the declaration, I did so anyway. I wanted to stump them into the ground and get revenge. The last connotation soaked word that I thought, triggered a reflexive second of self-reflection. I paused my planning to check if I was thinking correctly. The result of the check was that in general I was correct, but I made a word choice error. I was getting justice, not revenge. I need to force this company to pay out a nice settlement. It was the only way to teach companies a lesson. It is only through the pain of a company's bottom line shrinking that companies would receive the proper incentives for them to value social good. Therefore, it was good and just. After I got done with them, they would prioritize my safety and everyone else's too.
As the ark scanner collected every piece of knowable information from me, I realized I only knew the event's story line. I knew the start and the finish, but I lacked knowledge of the story arc. All those points in between the two points that make things what they are was gone. There was a need to voice some questions, so I muttered them to match the hum of the machine. I needed to hear the thoughts, but keep them unheard by others. I hoped the act of measurement would cause the measured to disappear. "What happened? Why haven't they told me where my family is?"With the questions voiced, I could go back inward. Obviously, the asymmetry of the information distribution was going to lead to my disadvantage. Despite that fact, it did not cancel out the plain fact, they were in the wrong. They were negligent. I didn't need the story arc to see that. The line made it clear enough. Even though the fact was irrefutable, they would have gathered their lawyers to refute the fact. They would attempt to make my claim of their wrongness wrong. I warned myself, that was probably why this body scan was taking so long. They were buying time. I concluded I should not give it to them. I began to sit up, but quickly lowered back down. I was being rash. I could use this time, too. In fact, I would use it more effectively. I could let them give me the time.
The way I saw it, I had two options; let the situation unfold or impose my will right away to force their hand. It was clear I needed to weigh both options carefully. Luckily, the scan was only thirty-three percent complete. I started arbitrarily with option one. I could let them explain what the error was and how they planned on fixing it. This option would give the possibility to alleviate the informational asymmetry. The pitfall in the option was the word, possibility. For that possibility I would be giving up a certainty. I would be giving them an opportunity to frame the situation. From that point on I would be reacting to how they framed the situation. They would have the house advantage. I do not like being passive. I moved to the second option. I could enter the room and tell them I do not want to hear your untrue, misleading, vague, and absurd statements. Then shutdown any rebuttal with yelling. Once the floor is clearly mine, I make a demand. Your company is going to give me X dollars. The last thought made me smile and pause. After little time weighing the options, I decided option two was better because being active was more fitting. Besides, I found the first option lacking.
The thing that is better hidden became present through uncounted but noted breaths, time. I started to wonder why was this scan taking this long? I wished I could look at a clock to see how long it was taking. I told myself laying in this box was fine. The commitment to this course of action was already made. I could not backtrack, now. I just needed to review my plan, while I waited. I went back to option two, which I reasserted was more my style. I reaffirmed the decision and prepared to make a detailed plan to realize its meaning. First, I was going to demand ... then the scanner stopped. My thinking rushed from what was present to my mind to what was present to my body. I thought they were finished, but they had not pulled me out of the ark scanner yet. I wondered to myself, was I supposed to claw my way out? Have I ever received worse service than this? The answer to both the questions was the same. No, which was followed by an action dictated by the first question. I waited and thought about how much they owed me. According to my count, it was a lot, which meant it was time for them to be billed. My first item on that bill was that they would pull me out. I averted my eyes from the reflective surface and allowed my face to twist into displeasure, until the sound started again. The scan was not over, while it would have been nice to have my first invoice repaid. I allowed the delay because their debt continued to build. I was relaxed by the thought that they were paying for it and went back to planning.
The plan needed to answer one question. How was I going to impose my will on them? The question was translated into a more concrete form. How was I going to frame the discussion? I knew the duel would not be about facts. It would be about who could set the context in such a way to force the dual meaning actions of the event to be favorable to them. Much like the spelling of the word /ˈd(y)o͞oəl/. The correctness of the spelling depends on the context. My opportunity would be brief. My window might only be the time I walk into the room until they open their mouth, which means body language was key. I reasoned to myself. With the guiding principle in mind, I started to work out the details. I would stand up straight and ... Then I noticed my present reality. My clothes were covered in dirt. I was not impressive. Also, they probably already saw me on video. I postulated they might even be watching me now. My plan of being active seemed to be fatally wounded. I was already playing catch up. I sighed to myself that I no longer had two options. I had to be passive and wait for them.
The noise stopped again. The operators came over and announced that I was done. They explained that they would pull the lever to have the ark scanner open and set me up. However, I needed to stay completely still or the safety features would stop the action. My stillness was taken as consent. The box slowly opened and raised my body into the well-lit room. At that moment, I reminded myself that it was almost time. I was aware that I had not decided between the less than optimal options yet. I fluffed my ego with the thought that if I had a little more time, I would have the perfect strategy. With that I was ready to accept that it is too late to worry about it now. I was the leaver now. I looked the operators in the eyes and said nothing, not even a hollow thank you. After enough time passed, I moved out of the room. Outside of the room, I congratulated myself on the successful practice. Even though I only had a vague outline, I felt good about it because it allowed me to understand what I should do with myself next.
YOU ARE READING
The Self Its Self
Science Fiction"Know thyself". What an onerous task, but alas it cannot be delegated away. Even though it is a forever burden, there is no guarantee of success. What if that self was staring back at me. Would I even know it? Would I be too close?
