The Self Its Self

3. Difficult ䷂

Before I could fully enter the door, the representative began their speech."Welcome! We understand you have been through a lot and we are extremely sorry about this whole situation. Please sit down and try to relax. We take absolute pride in our safety record. From the start of this company to present not one person has been seriously injured, which is quite impressive given the nature of the activity we are engaged in. The company has been informed of your body scan results and there is nothing to worry about. Everyone will be fine. Of course, you will have all your questions answered, shortly. First, we need to give you a little context to help you understand the situation. From the look on your face, I can tell you think this meeting is meant to give you the runaround. However, we assure you it is not, even if things might get a little confusing during it. It might even seem like we are going in circles, but we promise you that you will only see the beginning once, thus no circles. Before we get started let's put your mind at ease by telling you the end, then the rest will be filled in in due time. Our family is safe on Hesperus, you are healthy, and we have planned a generous compensation package for the inconvenience. We hope..."

I was not in the mood to hear more, "You can stop right there. I am happy to hear everything turned out fine. You can see the smile on my face. Oh wait, you can also see the dirt on my clothes from almost being blown up, which is a big deal to me. Therefore, even though everything turned out fine, it does not make this situation fine. 'Situation' is your company's word, not mine. I would call it a fine disaster that nearly cost me everything. I nearly died! I am not stupid. I know you all put me in this room just with you, so you can pretend that we are friends. Once that is done, you will try to knead in some noncommittal apologies, work our social bounds until they are elastic, then throw it in the oven. Finally you butter me up, then you will get me to sign away all my rights to sue you. It is a fine plan, but it has one problem. I am not a piece of bread. You will need to try harder than that. There is nothing you can do to butter me up. To sum up, I am not going to take anything from you, today. You know, let me pull that back a bit. If you want in my good graces, you can get me a phone to call my partner..."

The representative's face stopped me in mid sentence."Wait! What is that face? They didn't send you in with a deal. Did they really send someone with no power? No, don't say anything. I have no desire to have you pour honey in my ear. I can't believe this! They want me to deal with this powerless person."I broke off the tirade and stormed around the room for a socially acceptable amount of time, before continuing on. " I am going to sue you all into bankruptcy. And I will not feel bad about it because you almost killed me and my family. Then on top of that, you disrespected me." Their face slowly turned to an unreadable neutrality. "Wait a minute. Why are you looking at me like a deer in the forest? You should definitely take this more seriously. I have a case that will bury this company, either in the courthouse or on TV. You still are not convinced. That is fine, you wait and see what happens. Actually, you will probably be watching this lawsuit unfolding following a maize color line through the maze of the unemployment line. The first thing this company will do after I hit them with the lawsuit is fire you and make you a roasted scapegoat. I honestly feel bad for you because your good loyalty will be repaid with such a bad result."

The neutral look stayed on the representatives face the whole time and even after. We stood in silence, until the anger subsided enough for the base instinct of sociability to creep back in. I told myself it was time to change tactics. I began to speak to the representative like one would talk to a horse before throwing a bridle on it."Look. I think we got off on the wrong foot. I assume you are just following orders and you are indifferent to me. That is fine. That is just being civil. It is clear you cannot do much for me. If your company was serious, they would have sent more people and a fingerprint scanner to sign documents. They did not, so you are not authorized to do anything. I get that, but you can do something for me. Give me your phone, so I can call my partner."The request caused a small twitch, which confirmed the switch. I doubled down and added a sweetness usually reserved for a bridal night."Don't worry. Before we left, we did all the vacation billing stuff. We set up the call forwarding services and notified everyone we would not be on Earth. The call won't cost you anything. Also, if your company finds out, just tell them I was yelling and carrying on and the only way to stop me was to give me your phone. What do you say?"

The lubricant that I added loosened a smile from their face."Since we are being honest with each other and you are a person that does not like to be butter up. I will forget the protocols and tell you straight. I might get a fine, but we are both straight talkers. I can empathize with that. The company wanted me to give you a long song and dance, but both of us do not want that."They paused and turned the cameras off. Then continued their unvarnished truth telling. "You did make it with your family to the planet. The problem is the transporter did not properly dematerialize your body on Earth. Right now, you are both on Earth and Hesperus, which makes for an awkward, esoteric philosophical question for everyone involved. It raises the question of who is the real you. Luckily, in a few days or so, everything will naturally take care of itself. So in truth, if we just wait the question will dissolve itself. I wish my philosophy class was that easy."The sentence was punctuated with a laugh, which drew a reflexive courtesy laugh from my mouth then a reflective frown. "I can see you are in a little distress. So, let me continue. Soon, your earthly body will cease to function because of the transporter malfunction. Please do not worry your body is 100% healthy on Hesperus. Therefore, everything is fine. Given the situation your request for the phone is understandable, but ill advised. We are asking you to not inconvenience your family and yourself. Please, go home and wait for nature to take its course."

The words hit me like a gnu. I could vaguely picture the words, but I lacked any detailed understanding. However, even at that level of vagueness, they struck me with a breathtaking force."I am ... not ... I feel ... How can I ... My face feels hot and my head is starting to spin. I think I am going to die. I need to open this window."I charged to the window and tugged at the handle. From the first tug, it could be said that I knew it would not open, but I allowed myself to continue to suffer and yell. "Why is it shut so tight? Please! Open this dam window. I need some air to cool my face. Move faster!"Nothing was moving except for fingers slipping off the handle-like thing. "My cheeks are swelling and burning. I cannot see straight. I must be having a panic attack. Get a hold over yourself. If you don't, you are going to pass out or worse. You need to get to the ground and claim down."I listened to myself and moved towards the ground. "It is just your tears burning the outside of your skin and your blood burning the inside. Rub yourself on the cold tile floor and focus only on that. You need to breathe."I did not fight myself. Like a cow, I did what I was told.