Apples

Chapter 13

yey guys, it's summer!!

I'm so sorry that this took forever to complete, geez I had such a block!

recap: piper is about to kill herself;)

love

-xoxo meg
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Ever second of every day, I think about death. A way of escape.

Somehow, it's what gets me through the day. When days are even harder than others, I just think to myself, Just a few more months. A few more months until I can finally get away.

I don't fear death at all. The topic is all too peaceful to me. Like, look at me. The girl with fat rolls along the sides of my stomach, or the cutter, or the killer. Dying is ineluctable. Death will one day come to me, why not speed up the process? For none of us are immortal.

I'm not worried about what it will be like once I die. I'm already in the worst place possible. The only thing good is Carter and Buki. But Carter will find a girl he deserves, not a pathetic loser like me. And Buki will find some better owner who will take good care of him.

Everyone in my life had a future, a future without me. And I see none for myself.

I'm just facing the inescapable. Five more days until where I am destine to be. I can last.

~*~

"So, I was thinking. Do you want to go to the mall this weekend? I can pick you up." Lania said, Friday morning, while I was packing my books into my locker.

I kept my eyes focused on the tiles of the school floor.

"No, sorry," I told her. By the time of the weekend, I'd be long gone. "I'm a little busy."

"Okay, something's wrong. You're constantly avoiding me now. Did I do something? Is it because I'm with Landon now? Do you have feelings for him?" She bombarded me with questions.

Of course, none of the predictions or accusations she made were true. But I couldn't tell her what was really going on. It was simply not an option.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. The truth is never a good thing to find out.

Closing my locker, I tried my best to walk away from Lania.

"Piper! I need to know what's wrong. Was it something I did?"

I squeezed my eyes shut to prevent the tears from escaping. I stopped in my tracks and slowly turned to face her as students rushed through the halls. We moved over to the side. "It's honestly nothing. Just something at home." Which in some cases, were true.

She furrowed her eyebrows. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm," Sad, broken, depressed, suicidal, anorexic, gloomy, alone, heartbroken, fat, ugly, dumb, gross, pathetic, lame, rejected, lonely, irrelevant, judged, bitter, ashamed, worthless, not good enough. "Fine."

"Are you sure?" She asked, concerned.

No.

"Yes." I assured her.

Before she asked anymore questions that I would have to lie to, I walked to my class.

My words are worth nothing, anyways. Why would one small white lie matter?

~*~

"Hey," I heard a familiar voice greet me, after the last bell of the day rings and the halls are flooded with eager teens.

I turn to face Landon, whom I have barely spoken to in a long time.

As if reading my mind, he says "I've noticed this super awkward thing between us, after . . . You know. And your my friend, and friends shouldn't avoid each other."

I smiled. "Sorry. I didn't realize that you felt like this. I didn't mean to 'avoid you', I've just been pretty busy lately."

"Okay. Friends should always communicate, though." I threw another smile at him.

"Alright, Dr. Phil. You have been quite helpful today, thank you." I waved my hands in the air.

He smirked, looking quite satisfied with himself. "I really should have my own talk show."

"Come back to me in twenty years. We'll see." I told him.

Landon scoffed. "We can just keep going back and fourth at each other. In the end, I'll win. Just be glad it's the end of the day or we would be extremely late for class."

I rolled my eyes at his trying response. "All right Mr. All-Mighty-Hughs. No need to get cocky, now."

Landon smirked, but we began walking out of school.

"So, are you free next week? Maybe we could hang out?"

I froze. If only he knew where I'd be next week.

Landon turned to look at me. "Piper? You okay?"

I nodded my head slowly, and began to walk again.

"Geez, Piper. If you don't want to hang out with me, I can understand that. Though, I don't mean anything further than friends."

I nodded my head. "No, I know. And I don't think there's anything wrong with hanging out, but I just remembered that I have this huge paper due next week and I haven't got started with it." I lied.

He shrugged his shoulders, and I let out a small sigh of relief that he bought it. Thank you, Lord!

Once we arrived at my house, Landon told me goodbye and I walked through my front door.

I got back to my room and sighed as I collapsed onto my bed. If only they knew.

I took out my laptop and homework, in attempt to avoid thinking of something dark.

But as my unlucky fate goes, my mind continuously slips to dangerous thoughts.

"Dammït." I muttered.

I slipped into my bathroom and carefully unfolded my knife from its protective casing.

Slice, slice, slice.

I move the knife from my wrist to my thighs. Slice, slice, slice.

Numb. That's the only physical pain that I have, but inside; all the things I have kept bottled inside sure hurt a hêll of a lot more than a knife.

Inside is dark, as if Satan had created it, himself. I hate the feeling of emptiness and despair, it's a heavy wait that I drag.

I rest the knife on the bathroom sink, not bothering to clean it yet.

As usual, I lean my head back against the tiled bathroom wall and cry; I cry until it hurts, until I am out of tears.

And somewhere in the midst of all the crying and cutting and hurting, the doorbell rings.

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okay y'all, here's the thing!

my views have been dropping, as well as my votes!

please help share my book with others, it'd mean the world to me!

I'm doing my best to finish the book.

I'm sorry if the story line is going to quick, though.

I send my love:)

-xoxo meg