Apples

Chapter 11

HELLO BEAUTIFUL READERS;)

HOPEFULLY THIS WILL BE A LONGER CHAPTER!

I'm watching Gossip Girl right now, so I'm kinda typing blindly...

I'd like to thank Angel_Army for being super sweet and dedicating a chapter to me . . . so this is for her.

love all of you beauties!

-xoxo meg

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Slice.

The blade casts across my wrist once again. Blood pools, but I don't care.

My blood drips, and so does my feelings.

I can't feel anything. I am numb. I am numb from the physical pain I have caused upon myself, but not to my feelings. No, feelings are to strong. The hurt emotions- Sadness, anger, depression. But why can't I find love?

Ten slices later and I still feel nothing. I set down my knife, and drop to my knees. I sob into my hands. This is yet another day for me hurting myself.

I'm not crying because it's my parents fault, Ryder's fault, Carter's fault. It's all my fault. My fault I'm alone in this damned world. My fault I have nothing.

I quickly cover up the wounds with wraps and set the knife away. I stood in the middle of my room.

I'm alone. The idea struck me like a bull. I've always known I'm alone, but truly thinking about it- I'm worthless.

Carter is probably only with me because he needs someone to be with him, Landon is only friends with me because he likes how I look, Lania is in love with Landon which pretty much explains itself . . .

I'm nothing.

I cry and collapse to the ground. My tears seem to never run out. I break down- I've shattered.

I stand to my feet and push pictures off my dresser, screw up the duvet, throw clothes around, tear books. The room is a mess. Indescribable, really.

I sink down to the cold wood floor, sobbing into my small hands.

How could I get so out of hand? I've cried a lot, I've cut myself- but I was always capable of containing the dangerous parts of my feelings. And now I can't.

I've gone completely crazy. I can't deal with anything anymore. I don't even know what has tipped my balance- nothing was extremely horrid that would lead to this.

But I can't do it. I can't put a fake smile on my face. I can't pretend I'm in a happy mood. I can't say 'I'm fine'. I can't pretend this is not happening. Because it is.

I am incapable of living a normal, happy life. So I need to end it.

I need to finish this pain. Because it's not worth it.

How can I go on with life if I feel so worthless. The world is such a hateful place - So inexplicably sad.

Will anyone even notice when I'm gone? No.

I wiped my tears from my eyes and looked down at my hands. Tears. Lots of them.

God, I'm so sick if crying. Am I yet to run out of tears? So many nights have I spent damping my pillows with salty water from my eyes.