Apples

Chapter o5

Immmm bacccckkkk and ready to write! so sorry it took such a long time... stuck with homework and studying:(

-xoxo meg

p.s. extra long chapter ahead.

_________________

Thinking of Carter and I was strange. I never had a relationship where we were actually close. I guess Carter hasn't either.

I don't actually know what Carter and I are yet. We haven't exactly put a label on it, but I could actually tell him how I was feeling, my real emotions, not the fake ones that I plaster on my face. Happy, surprised, not dark; all things far from who I really am. I am depressed.

Gloomy, dark, hopeless and lonely. At least, I was lonely. I still sort of am.

I had actually went to a specialist a few years back, I took a test for depression and he told me that I was. Honestly, I wasn't at all surprised. There was no other explanation as to why I was so teary; why I hated the world or why I wanted to die.

Why I am.

Carter relieves the pain, for a while, at least. Not nearly enough to overcome the sorrow consumed in me, but something I am grateful for.

He is someone I am grateful to have.

~*~

Christmas Eve.

A time when family should be together with each other and celebrate one another's company. A warm, cozy, fuzzy, happy feeling.

Instead, my Christmas is sad, lonely and parentless. Ryder was out getting stuff done, most likely last minute presents, and my parents were of course in Malibu or whatever.

I was curled up one the couch, reading A Christmas Carol, when I heard a knocking on the door.

I sighed and got up, unwilling to leave my cozy spot on the edge of the couch wrapped in my warm blanket.

When I opened one of the grand mahogany double doors, frosty air immediately covered my body like a frozen blanket. I held my robe together and brought it close to my body, and I looked up to find Carter's face at the doorway.

"Carter! Oh my gosh it's freezing out there. Come, get inside."

I moved aside and he shuffled in.

"Hey," I looked at his wintry body. "You okay?"

"Yeah," He let out a loud sigh. "I just wanted to come visit you."

I smiled. "Okay."

I headed to the kitchen and made two mugs of hot chocolate, set it on a tray, and brought it into the living room and set it onto the coffee table.

"Thanks," He responded as he took a sip.

"Carter," I said, my eyes pleading. "I know when something's wrong. You can tell me."

I laid my homely blanket on top of his lap.

"It's nothing. Really. I just . . . Can you help me take my mind off all of this junk for a while? Please?"

I laughed. "Only because you said the magic word."

He smiled and leaded back onto the couch.

~*~

We ended up watching Its A Wonderful Life - How ironic - wrapped under the blanket. My head rested on Carter's chest, and my eyes slowly started to droop.