Love is in the Air ( Nine)

I'm a failure

Saturday November 29 th 2023

**Carina is up in the middle of the night, breastfeeding Niccolas in the rocking chair in the master bedroom and she's gently playing with his hair ... she's just repeating the words from her dad ... call them , they want to know who you are.... She just can't seem to do it.....

4h27 am
Carina : what should I do bambino ?

** as she looks down at her breasts .... **

What if they are looking for me just to make me feel like I should be ashamed of myself for leaving them behind....
Maya : babe , stop.... Come here please!

** as she wakes up from hearing her gorgeous wife cry **

Carina : okay, but I'm genuinely feeling like this is why they want to look for me .... What if god forbid they see all of our beautiful children and think " oh so she knew about us and didn't care and then decided to go get married to this gorgeous woman and they have nine children together... wow that's just low .... "

Maya : you know that is not true babe!
Carina : I don't know what to do...
Maya : well you can give them a call first and then see what they say...
Carina : call them? Are you crazy? THEY WILL HANG UP ON ME AS SOON AS THEY ASK "who is this" ! I'm fucked !!! I can't win!

** she cried and cried some more **

Who wants to get to know their mom AT TWENTY FOUR YEARS OLD ... I don't even know when they were born Bambina !
Maya : I'll be there with you the whole time...
Carina : fine... call them !
Maya : what?
No ! You call them and I'll be there with you...
Carina : fine ! I'm going to call them in the morning.... Thank you for being supportive of this...
Maya : it's what we do for each other as wives... good night my love! Have sweet dreams and sleep well tonight!
Carina: thank you, sweet dreams to you too my Bambina!!! I love you so much, to the moon and back, forever and always!
Maya : I love you too, to the moon and back, forever and always.

** they both kissed each other and baby Niccolas is sleeping in the middle of his moms! **

Several hours later

8h57 am
**Everyone had breakfast... Carina hasn't stopped passing back and forth from the kitchen to the living room , to the kids playroom to the bathroom and back.. with baby Niccolas in the baby carrier **

I can't do it ....
Maya : yes you can....
Carina : no ...... I'm a failure....
Maya : no you're not.... Just call them babe!
Carina : fine !  But please stay here with me....
Maya : I'm not going anywhere... call them !
Carina : I can't type the number... I'm shaking profusely !
Maya : fine I'll do it!
Carina : thank you...
Maya : here you go! Breathe Carina !

**Carina took several deep breaths and she was able to talk....**
Hi ! Is this Skylar Deluca's phone number?
Skylar : yes ! This is she ... who is this ...
Carina : right.... Ummm it's Carina !
Santiago : who's that on the phone Sky?
Skylar : it's Carina !
Santiago: ohhhh !! CARINA CARINA ?
Skylar : I guess ... what can we do for you?
Carina : I uhhhhh .... Just wanted to say that I just found a letter from my dad , Vincenzo Deluca  In which he tells me that I am your.... 

Santiago : our mom?

Carina : yea.... And I'm terribly sorry for abandoning you... I was lied to for twenty four years now.... I .... Can we please meet up in a coffee shop or something... I feel like I have to explain myself in person...

Skylar and Santiago : yes of course... we're actually free today ... how about we meet up in Rose's cafe ?
Carina : perfect! I know exactly where that is...
Skylar : perfect... see you there in twenty minutes?
Carina : okay perfect!

** Santiago hung up **

Maya : good job babe!
Carina : I'm not going there by myself.... Please come with me.... What if they are going to ghost me ?
Maya : what? They won't do that!
Carina : you don't know....

** she was walking around the house going crazy , she is so nervous.... **

Kids .... I uhhhh ..... mommy and I have something very important to do today like right now...
Maya : mom, can you please look after the kids for us please!!
Katherine : oh yes of course, Everything will be alright Carina !
Carina : okay thank you!
Am I dressed properly?
Maya : you look absolutely stunning my love!
Carina : babe I'm serious! Do I look presentable.....

** she is wearing a beautiful outfit.... A nice blouse and hot jeans with her black high heels on, with her hair half down **

We're going with Niccolas as I just started feeding him...
Katherine : okay ...

9h11 am
Maya : we're here!
Carina : I don't even know what they are going to be wearing or what they look like.... This isn't the best idea....
Maya : babe, breathe... they are going to be wearing light jeans and a black jacket and Santiago is wearing light jeans with a Beatles shirt!
Carina : how do you know that?
Maya : they told you that over the phone my love... 
Carina : why are they late ... I knew they were going to ghost me... babe let's go back home.... I feel nauseous like hell !

** SANTIAGO AND Skylar BOTH STOOD HER UP .. Carina and Maya are now leaving the cafe ... Carina is utterly devastated.... All she wanted was to explain why.... **

11h
Carina : okay babe, it's been an hour and a fourty five minutes... they are not coming... let's go home now please....
Maya : yes okay!
Carina : thank you...

Maya : I'm here for you...
Carina : I know... thank you for being there Bambina...

** she was sobbing now ***

11h15
Carina and Maya were now home and her two older children were calling her cellphone....
Londyn : momma... your phone is ringing!
Carina : it's fine... whoever it is will be happy with my answering machine...   I'm going to be sick....
Maya : I know.... I'm sure that they will be...

Carina : FUCK ... MAYA THEY DIDNT SHOW UP BECAUSE THEY DONT WANT TO LET ME EXPLAIN WHY ....

What the fuck !

** she slammed the door and then ran upstairs**

I fucked up !

Maya : babe....
Carina : I'm done ! They don't want to let me explain then I will never give them the chance to get to know me... They have lived twenty four years thinking whatever they have been told throughout their lives... and I'll do the same !

**Maya called the number back and said she was her wife ... which shocked them even more... but Skylar and Santiago were both scared... they could hear loud screaming from the kids running around the house...

Maya : just let her explain her side of the story please... and then you'll be willing to do whatever you want... she's worth a shot...  she just can't explain herself over the phone....
Skylar : fine ...
Santiago : where do we meet?
Skylar : well it won't be today because we decided to ghost her....

Maya : I'm not going to tell you what to do but here's our address... come knock on the door anytime you want...
Santiago : I feel bad about not showing up....
Skylar : okay thank you uhhhh
Maya : Maya !
Skylar : thank you Maya !

** They hung up **

Carina : I'm never going back to the cafe ...
Babe....
Maya : yea ? I'm here babe!
I'm sure they'll get a change of heart soon...
Carina : don't defend them ... They don't want me .... So I'm going to do the same thing they do !
And that is focusing on the kids who want and love me... I am not the same person I was when I was fourteen....

I'm very disappointed in them....

*** Carina didn't eat anything the rest of the day... she just slept all day and she obviously didn't take the rejection really well... she feels like she's been —— Maya knows that she will be back to her regular self .. Carina just needs time... I mean she's been told that her kids had died when they were very in fact the opposite of dead ... that is shocking news... and she understands what her children are thinking.. she's abandoned us once.. she'll definitely do it again.... Everyone was asleep by 21 h 20 **