World behind my wall

different lives

TW// SUICIDE ATTEMPT AND MENTIONS OF ED AND SH

                            BILLS POV

"And are you sure you won't be overworking yourself if we let you out?" a nurse said to me

I nodded " Whatever you think I need to do I'll do"

"Perfect so if you can sign here"

after a day in this hospital, I'm finally being let out, I do admit that I'm not looking forward to the babying I will experience for the next concert, I'm fine in general though it was only a small incident.

I could hear Georg lecturing Gustav from a distance

"Are you dumb dude?"
"It's not your business to try to get her to talk to him again"

" It's never going to happen if you just do nothing "

" So if nothing happens it's cool! That's their decision now leave it"

"She was hesitant with her words Georg she misses him!"

" She was startled by the call that's all it was unexpected for her to be getting a call from you out of all people"

Gustav sighed they walked away so I couldn't hear anything else after that, I hated how people always wanted to write my life, Label me, and make me something I'm not it made me feel claustrophobic, as if I couldn't breathe without it being analyzed or documented.

This is why I preferred the private relationship me and her had, private so no one could write our story, only us.

Anyway I was tired of being sad if I wanted to get work done I needed to get rid of the distractions holding me back, her.  The next day I spent hours writing new songs obviously behind everyone's backs since I wasn't supposed to be doing anything stressful, but I loved writing, poems, stories, and songs it was my favorite escape.

it's for the better now.

(Bill starts to dream about a flashback in his sleep )

October, 13th 2008

"BILL BILL MARRY ME"

"BILL FUCK ME"

"BILL BILL"

I've only been receiving love but yet all I feel around me is hatred
I have so much pressure put on me to perform well but recently my voice has been giving out more often the doctor said I should hold back a little bit on performing so roughly since I could lose my voice

There have also been stalkers that want to harm me and Tom, I can't sleep at night anymore and it pains me to know this is affecting my family as well.

Tonight is the night I'll fix it

there won't be any more stalkers
because there will be no more Tokio hotel
maybe not though maybe they'll just get a new singer.

The walk up the stairs was excruciating, voices screaming at me to go back
voices screaming at me to keep going, I will finally be able to shut them up
I struggled as I opened the heavy door the wind blew me back a bit.

I slowly walked towards the edge of the building.

street lights, car lights, city lights beaming the city
cars blaring, people blaring , and wind blaring throughout the city
the wet railings, the wet ground, and the wet snow in October

what would people think of me once I'm gone?
Will they write tributes?
will they gather for prayer?
will they even care?