The Only Living Boy in New York

FORTY THREE

Van

I told Taylor everything.

I told her about Ivy, starting with how we met. It was early on in the days of the band, sometime between The Balcony and The Ride. It felt like maybe our paths crossed even before then, but my memories from those days were jumbled together and the only thing that triggered a memory, was a photo from that time or a verse in a song I'd forgotten about. Nevertheless, I told her how we met, and how I never loved her, not even close, but I used her when I was lonely, and I was lonely most of the time.

I told her it went on for years. The needy moments I'd had with her and the times I spent too much time thinking about fucking her. I told her the truth, that the night we met on the plane I saw her. I told her about the times right after I moved where I went to her place and slept with her. Taylor winced at the memory as I told her, and I didn't expect anything less. It was difficult to say and probably worse to hear.

"Did you ever...was there ever a time when our relationship crossed over? Were you...with her after you'd been with me?"

I shook my head and reached for her hands. "It stopped the minute we started. I swear that to you...swear it on my life."

She bit her lip and looked toward the window.

"You've got the believe me, Tay. Please don't be mad at me."

"I can't be mad at you if it happened before me and you. It's like you being mad at me about Brody. It doesn't make sense."

"I never told you because...I didn't think it was anything to tell. She was a blip in my story, but apparently I meant more to her and she never let on about it."

Taylor nodded. "Why are you telling me this now? Do you think she has something to do with the guy who hit me?"

"I didn't." I said lowly. "But...she's been...watching the house. I saw her outside one night and she...she knew about your accident right after it happened. She was...watching you."

Taylor closed her eyes. "Van...."

"I know...I should have told you. But I didn't think it was related. But she sent me a few messages about us. About you and I. Things she's seen."

"She's been watching us?"

I nodded.

"Christ. We need to tell Officer Grey about this."

"I know....and I know it could get...messy."

"It's already messy. Is she out there now?" Taylor pointed to the windows.

"I don't know. I've tried to cut off all conversation with her."

Taylor stood up and walked to the window, glancing out across the street and at the few people walking by. "What's she look like?"

I cleared my throat. "Your height. Dark, chin length hair. Maybe a little longer now. If you remember, it was the girl I was talking to outside of Vines the afternoon I told you I wanted to go somewhere else. The afternoon of our first...real date."

She turned to me. "You told me it was a fan and you'd been recognized."

"It wasn't all a lie, Taylor. She recognized me and I didn't want to be around it. But I didn't know how to tell you the truth then. I figured you'd run away from me before anything even started. I didn't want that."

A wrinkle formed between Taylor's eyes. "I kind of remember her. She reminds me of the girl at The Deadcoast's show who asked me about you in the bathroom."

I pressed my lips into a hard line.

"It's the same girl...isn't it?"

I nodded.

Taylor tried to hide the fact that she was shaking, but she hit her nerves poorly. "It makes sense why she was asking after you now. It makes sense what she was saying."

I stood up and shoved my hands in my pockets as she continued to look out the window.

"I'm so sorry. If I'd known this was going to happen I would have..."

"What would you have done, Van? What would be different? Would you have not started this between us?"

"Nothing could make me not start this. Nothing could keep me from being with you, Taylor. But I would have told her about you and been direct. I would have been more honest. And I should have told you. I should have told you when we started. She just...she never meant anything to me. Nothing more than a place to go when I was lonely. I know how that makes me sound. And we had an agreement. We agreed to sleep with each other casually. We were friends with benefits. I didn't know she would have feelings for me. I didn't know it would get to this level."

Taylor slouched. "She fell in love with you, Van. And she thought you loved her, too. And now...now she's upset."

"I'll call Officer Grey. I'll schedule something so we can talk this out. They'll want to question her. We'll both have to see her and have to deal with her. This isn't something that just gets fixed."

"I know." Her tone was flat.

"Taylor...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's like I said before. I can't be mad at you over the person you were before me. I just wish you'd told me the truth. You came down on me so hard about Brody being in Vegas, but you've kept this from me? You've kept it from me that she's been watching us, Van. You knew she was upset and what was going on and that it's not normal for a person to behave like this, but you kept it from me."

I could hear her anger starting to come forward. She wasn't mad at me for sleeping with Ivy and for the things I'd done, she was mad at me for not being honest. And she was right.

"I didn't want you to worry. I was afraid you'd leave."

"There's a chance she hired someone to hit me with a car, Van. I think we're past the point of worry. And if she didn't have anything to do with it, that means someone out there has a vendetta against me."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I...should have told you the truth. I didn't and I'm sorry. And if she had anything to do with your accident, Taylor I won't be able to forgive myself. You have to know that. I don't know what else to say to you other than that."

"There's nothing else to say, Van."

"Taylor..."

"Please call Officer Grey. I want to get this over with."

"Tay come here..." I stepped toward her and she held up her hand.

"Please, Van. Call him. Now."