The Only Living Boy in New York

FORTY-NINE

Van
4 weeks later

"Do you want me to do another take, or are you good?"

Copper's voice was full of exhaustion and I knew that tone all too well. I'd heard it from Bondy during the recording of The Balance. And if I'd learned anything since then, I knew when to push it and when to let it go.

Right now, I needed to let go. Regardless of the quality I wanted in the take. It wasn't worth a fight.

I held my hands up and looked down from inside the booth. "I think you're good, Cop. Well played."

He removed his headphones on a deep breath and motioned to his brother for a cigarette. I instantly felt the need for one, too.

I looked at Dave and shrugged my shoulders. "Got enough to work with?"

Dave laughed as he fiddled with some controls and clicked his mouse. "Had enough to work with yesterday, McCann. You're the perfectionist here."

I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair as I watched Copper and his bandmates corral around each other. Whatever they were talking about, they made sure to nod in my direction. Ten years ago, this would have affected me negatively. I would have assumed they were discussing me and become reclusive and awkward, now I just turned away and sipped my water. I knew I was a bear to deal with in the studio, I knew I was chaos all wrapped up in guitar strings. But I was okay with that. I shed those fears others induced on me long ago. Falling down into a pit of despair and destructiveness wasn't an option anymore. I accepted who I was and what I was.

I checked my phone and saw a missed call and a text from Taylor. I slid my finger over the message icon, scanning her words quickly.

"Let me know when you're coming home."

I smiled and shoved my phone in my picked as Copper opened the door to the booth.

"You uh...got any plans tonight?"

I looked up at him as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

"Not really...what's up?"

"Want to hit up a show with us? A band we know is playing in Chelsea, we were gonna head down there now."

My eyes shot to Dave but he didn't offer much in the lines of input either way. He continued to work on his computer, adjusting sounds and bars in front of him.

"S'pose I could tag along." I reached for my jacket and shrugged it on as the five of us walked out into the crisp, autumn air. There was chatter among them while I hung back with my hands in my pockets. I could listen to them dissect their youth and musical arrangements all day. I knew how that felt to be so enthralled with what you were making and where you were headed, that nothing else mattered. The world was yours and you could take every piece of it. I smirked at the memory.

"Want one?" Copper interrupted my thoughts as he tapped the end of a cigarette before pulling it from the packet. I half smiled and held my hand out, muttering a thanks as he passed me his lighter. The nicotine ripped through my veins and immediately warmed me up. I sighed contently as I exhaled the smoke.

"You really like that."

"Like what?"

"The inhale. It's like you've been waiting all day for that. Like an addict taking a hit of something stronger."

I tried not to focus on his words.

"What do you know of addicts?" I asked curiously.

Copper smiled between drags and looked at me. "My brother didn't tell you?"