Black & White [Jeremiah Fisher]

Seven

ROWAN

For the past couple of days, Jeremiah has been using any and all his free time to teach me how to swim. Whether it's before or after work, he's hauling me out to the pool just to try and make me more comfortable.

Today I actually jumped in instead of using the ladder. I'm not sure who was more proud, myself, or him.

I've been able to do some reflection today as well. Belly and I sat out by the pool, tanning, her swimming, and me floating.

"Jeremiah totally has a ginormous crush on you." Belly blurted out as she broke through the water. I watched as she spit a little bit of water out of her mouth.

"We're just becoming close friends." I answered, spinning myself in the other direction with the pool floaty. I had to bite my bottom lip to stop the huge smile that was forming on my face.

"Definitely didn't look like that the other day." She was referring to when she caught us a little too close in the pool.

Truthfully, I have been growing a strong liking for Jeremiah. He's easygoing, a fun time, makes a ton of jokes, is very encouraging, sweet, comfortable to be around, and very easy on the eyes.

He has a shit lot of great personality traits and yeah, maybe all this time we are spending together is making me form a stupid ass crush on him.

So what if I am? That doesn't mean I want to date him nor should I. We live in opposite directions. He only has one more year of school left and I'm sure he wouldn't want to spend it with a loser like me.

I'm not sure why I'm even thinking what it would be like if we were to date. All I know is that we can't. I know exactly how it would end. 

It always ends the same way for me.

"I can't date him Belly." I pushed my foot off the pool wall so now I was facing her. She was now on a pool floaty as well.

"What happens when or if he tells you that he has feelings for you? Or-or what if he tries to kiss you? Have you even told him about your past?" She was concerned. I knew she was for both of us because she would hate to see either one of us get hurt.

I looked down at my pruned fingers, rubbing them on my thigh. I have not mentioned a single detail about my past. Not because I don't want to, but because I  don't know how to explain it with emotion and feeling. If I were to sit Jeremiah down and tell him, it would truly sound like I'm a psychopath. 

But I know I need to tell him before it gets too late or he gets the wrong picture.

"All he knows is that I was adopted as a baby. And, what can I even tell him about my dad when I don't even know the truth myself?" Some days I wish I knew, but I know the truth would only be more harmful than good.

"You still need to tell him. You tell him about your birth mom and birth father. You tell him about your dad. You tell him about your best friend. You tell him about Jace. It's not going to be easy, but Jeremiah will listen and I know he will appreciate you so much more than he already does." Belly always knew how to get to me and she was so right. I should not be afraid to tell him.

"I can't believe he bought me flowers." I smiled, covering my face with my hands. That small gesture warmed my heart.

Belly splashed me. "I'm telling you, you two would make an adorable couple."

We spent the rest of the day like this. Talking about school, friends, our boy problems, volleyball, everything. Belly told me that she signed us up for a volleyball tournament and we will be raising money for the shelter that Susannah supports. I was shocked, and over the top excited to compete in a volleyball tournament. For two weeks now I started to convince myself that I wouldn't touch a volleyball this summer, but I guess I was wrong.