Against The Tide (Formerly Two Tribes)

55: Things Fall Apart

As Afrah cradled Fawaaz in her arms, a wave of emotions swept over her. It had been fifty days since his birth but she still hadn't gotten used to the exhaustion from sleepless nights and the overwhelming responsibility of caring for the fragile life in her arms. The responsibility weighed heavily on her, especially now that her sister, Jinan had to go back to school. Jinan had been very helpful. She had been with her throughout the new experience. It saddened Afrah a lot that Jinan had to leave for school. She could not blame her though. Jinan had been absent from school for almost a month. Afrah did not want to be the reason for her sister's grade in school to fall.

Her mother, on the other hand, had also been around to help her take care of her newborn, but the day Fawaaz clocked forty days, she left. Afrah did not feel so bad because she had Jinan, but now that Jinan had also left, she felt extremely sad.

Looking down at her baby, Afrah's heart swelled with love for the tiny bundle, but there was also fear and uncertainty. The days seemed to blur together, and she struggled to find moments for herself amidst the constant demands of motherhood. The challenges of balancing her own needs with those of her child tested her in ways she had never imagined.

She would be a liar to say Jameel wasn't of any help to her, but his best was simply not enough for Afrah. She expected him to take a leave from work and help her out with the baby since her family members had gone back to their various lives, but he did not. It infuriated Afrah that he was not a considerate person. Without a doubt, she knew he would do it if she asked him, but the fact that she had to even be the one to ask him in the first place did not sit right with her.

Gently, Afrah placed Fawaaz in his cradle bed and went to sit on the couch in the room. She had just finished feeding him for the hundredth time in the day and he had been crying for no reason at all. Afrah was deeply relieved when he finally fell asleep after her numerous attempts to make him. Her every attempt to pacify him seemed to be met with resistance. At least she would have a moment of respite before he would wake up again and she would pick up from when she stopped.

Afrah looked around; her once organized room had descended into disarray, with baby bottles scattered across the counter and the laundry bucket was overflowing with clothes that needed washing.

Her frustration was palpable, her patience worn thin. She had envisioned motherhood as a blissful journey, filled with tender moments and overwhelming love. But the reality was far from her expectations. The constant demands of her baby had left her feeling drained and overwhelmed. The fact that Jameel was not even there to help her exasperated her even more. His job had been so demanding that he hardly had time to spend with her and their newborn.

Afrah's frustration grew with each passing second. Her longing for Jameel's presence grew stronger. He seemed to have vanished into thin air when she needed him the most. She thought he would be with her every step of the way. He had promised her that he would, but instead, she was left to navigate the challenges of motherhood alone.

Tears prickled her eyes as she felt a pang of resentment building within her.

She was still in her feelings when the door opened and Jameel walked in.

"Assalamualaikum," he muttered.

Afrah tried to respond, but she just couldn't get any word to pass through her throat. A huge lump was stuck there.

"Afrah?" Jameel dropped whatever he was holding on the bed and crouched in front of her. His gaze fixated on hers for a few seconds before he spoke; "is this tears I see in your eyes?" He lifted his hand to touch her face but Afrah was quick to yank it away before he could succeed.

"Don't!" She warned.

Jameel's brows furrowed in confusion. "Is Fawaaz fine?" He quickly got on his feet and rushed to the cradle. He heaved a sigh of relief when he saw that the baby was fine and sleeping peacefully.