Against The Tide (Formerly Two Tribes)

71: Letting Go

As Jameel walked out of the room, the weight of the decision Najah took finally settled on her shoulders.

She had become a divorcee.

Tears streamed down her face as she recalled the memories she had shared with him. A sad smile curled up her lips as the image of Jameel smiling flashed in her mind. She couldn't help but remember the first time Jameel professed his love for her. Although it sounded unbelievable to her ears, she believed him to an extent, but his recent shenanigans opened her eyes to the truth. The truth she had tried so many times to deny.

Najah knew she wasn't going to be happy after the divorce, but she thought she would be relieved. It was not the case. She had fought tooth and nail just for it to happen, and when it was finally over and she got what she wanted, she was not a tad relief. On the contrary, she was disturbed. It felt like a huge part of her body had been yanked away mercilessly, leaving her hurt and vulnerable. She felt so empty and numb inside. Nothing seemed to make sense to her anymore. It suddenly felt like she had lost her purpose of living. In a nutshell, she felt lifeless. She was breathing, but she was lifeless at the same time.

Najah loved him with every fiber of her being. She still did. She had no idea if it would ever be possible for her to stop loving him. But she wanted to choose herself after trying to salvage their crumbling relationship countless times and failing.

More tears ran down Najah's face as she realized she had lost Jameel. For good.

In spite of how much she loved him and how badly she was hurting, deep down, she knew she made the right decision to let him go and would not, for any reason, go back on her decision. At the moment, moving on and starting over without Jameel seemed impossible, but she was certain time would heal her.

It's always darkest before dawn.

The words that reverberated in her mind served as the hope she needed. She wouldn't allow anything or anyone to hold her down. She had to stay strong on focus on herself and her own happiness. She had held on to a crumbling relationship for way too long.

Najah took a deep breath, wiping away her tears with the palms of her hands. "This is the best decision you've ever taken," she swallowed a painful lump in her throat and blinked continuously, refusing to allow the tears in her eyes to fall. "You didn't make a mistake by insisting on the divorce, Najah," she continued to reassure herself. "You deserve much better, and I promise you today, I will never allow you to settle for anything less anymore."

Najah nodded, agreeing with her inner self. She was no longer going to be consumed by self-doubt and pity. Just like anyone else, she also deserved to be happy. She had made a promise to herself to take control of her own happiness and live a life that was true to herself, and she was going to live up to it no matter what it would take.

She was still on the floor when the door burst open and Hajiya barged in.

As quickly as she could, Najah wiped the remaining traces of tears from her face and looked up at Jameel's mother with a small smile plastered on her face.

Wordlessly, Hajiya crouched in front of her and engulfed her in her warm embrace.

That gesture made Najah lose her composure completely as she broke into sobs, wrapping her arms tightly around Hajiya. Najah had expected Hajiya to be angry or yell at her for not fixing things and opting for divorce, but that wasn't the case. Hajiya understood her unspoken words. Just by merely looking at her, her motherly instincts could tell that she was hurting a lot and needed a mother's embrace.

"It's okay," Hajiya assured, stroking her back soothingly. "It's fine, Najah."

"I'm sorry," Najah cried. "I'm truly sorry, Hajiya... I didn't want it to come to this, but I couldn't help it. I'm not strong enough to keep holding on to the ropes of that marriage."