The Desire, The Regrets And The Stories

BEING AN OPTION

It's been three weeks of trying to detach , align ,accept , reflect and move on but yet I feel stuck , awed and dissapointed... I have so many questions that the answers don't seem genuine yet I am yet to move ...I have always loved the wrong man , a man with a woman they love and they see me as an option !
Who is an option? In this context , an option is a spare Tyre , someone who doesn't get dumped and doesn't get choosen , never treated as a first and will never be a first choice ... Always feed with a left over and never a full food ... When first choice fails , they run to the option who accepts with open arms but when first choice calls back , they accept as first and rejects the acceptance of the option. I have always been a option never the first , always in comparison .

I met a different guy who I thought would be different and his faith will make it alright but I later got to find out he already has a serious relationship and am just an option again! I knew because I didn't get enough attention I should get but just pieces ... I look at myself and I wonder why ?
Am i not worth it , what aura do I give out ... I felt low and undeserving because I have endured lies, disdain and rejection ... But I decide what I want and I want to be my first choice not someone else's , I deserve the best , I deserve honesty, respect and all the goodies of life not vainess, emptyness , lies and deciet .

Now I know you would ask. What do you do when one is being treated as as option ?
Do you stay and endure the crumbs Do you just watch till you find someone else or you move without saying a damn thing to him or her ... Honestly, it's not easy especially if you are someone like I am who is wired loyalty to just a man and can't even mingle or have a thing with another outside of the one I have choosen ... I will advise you do the following :
• check what you do more and what he does less and let energy match energy
• chase to watch them catch up and if they don't keep running till you find another
• stop putting your energy into making it work rather just work on building yourself ....
For me, right now I think am stopping communication a bit , I hope I find the strength to do and not get too entangled ! I decide what I want , what I allow and what I tolerate ...